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HV advise doesn't sound right....

(30 Posts)
NaturalRBF Sat 13-Aug-16 22:53:46

So visited a HV last week. She said a few things that I'd like to ask advice on?

1. Apparently by 12 months all babies sleep through the night (!?)

Our DD doesn't and apparently this is abnormal? None of my friends DCs did/do at this age and we all have different styles and routines?

2. Also I'm still breastfeeding- apparently I should stop now as its not doing anything for her?

Can anyone tell me the HV is ill trained or whether I am a shit Mother for having a child that doesn't sleep through the night and is still breastfed???

Neome Sat 13-Aug-16 22:58:11

Well I must be shitter then as DS is 2 and a half and doesn't sleep but does bf smile

You are right, she is blinded by inexperience or believing what people tell her (as opposed to a passing acquaintance with reality) flowersand cake

reallyanotherone Sat 13-Aug-16 22:58:25

She's wrong on both counts.

Stop seeing her. You don't have to.

FusionChefGeoff Sat 13-Aug-16 22:59:31

Of course it's doing something for her!! It's the only food specifically designed to be drunk by babies! It also does all that lovely comfort / attachment / bonding stuff and it's freeeeeeeeee. So long as you both are happy and want to continue, just smile and nod and carry on.

I was lucky with babies who did sleep through from about 9/10 months but 12 months is definitely not 'abnormal' - there are probably things you could try if you wanted to but definitely nothing to worry about.

Stevefromstevenage Sat 13-Aug-16 23:00:35

Complain first and stop seeing her. You are clearly clued in but she is obviously happy to pedal that tripe to much more vulnerable people too.

abbsismyhero Sat 13-Aug-16 23:00:40

Fucking hell my sons three and doesn't sleep through I'm 41 and I don't eitherblush

Andbabymakesthree Sat 13-Aug-16 23:01:14

Yes she's wrong but unless you actually make a complaint her practice will never change.

JassyRadlett Sat 13-Aug-16 23:02:24

I'd write to whoever leads the HV service in your area and ask whether it is the Trust's official advice to stop breastfeeding at 12 months and not to feed babies if they wake in the night?

Abmama91 Sat 13-Aug-16 23:03:24

Your health visitor sounds way behind in her training!

It's very normal (by all accounts, my DS is only 6m so not speaking from experience yet) for babies not to sleep through the night at 12m and beyond. I think I'm right in thinking it's even more common for bf babies with breastmilk being much more easily digestible etc. and it's normal to just want a cuddle in the night too!

Also, she's talking shit about bfing not being beneficial for older babies! It's always beneficial; breastmilk is a live product, constantly changing to meet your baby's individual needs whatever age they are!

You are in no way shape or form a shit mum, tell her to jog on! Or better still go on some up to date training!

doleritedinosaur Sat 13-Aug-16 23:04:54

Well I'm still breastfeeding DS at 18 months & he does sleep through but not all the time & he was almost a year old when he did.

I know toddlers older than him who still don't sleep through.

Just ignore, see someone else if you wish & complain if you want to.

You're not a shit mother, you're giving her the best start.

Abmama91 Sat 13-Aug-16 23:07:05

Also WHO recommends breastfeeding until at least the end of the second year of babies life!

Maybe direct her here, silly http://www.who.int/maternalchildd_adolescent/topics/child/nutrition/breastfeeding/en/

Abmama91 Sat 13-Aug-16 23:08:04

*Silly woman!

NaturalRBF Sat 13-Aug-16 23:11:54

I've complained. They picked the wrong mother to fuck with as I do health and social care compliance for a living.

It just makes me feel like I've fucked up. The not sleeping through the night is a way of life now and I wasn't even bitching about the lack of sleep. And the BFing works for us. She won't take a bottle and never has even tho we've tried with expressed milk, cows milk etc also it's so easy to stick her on the boob and fall asleep. When the HV realised we co slept she lectured me on that too. But SURELY if I'm not asking her how to "make" her sleep through the night what's it got to do with her.

DD is 35th centile for weight and 90th for height so no weight issues and she eats a good varied diet etc

Just makes me feel shit I guess

SingingMyOwnSpecialSong Sat 13-Aug-16 23:12:12

Crap advice from HV. Sadly, in my experience, much HV advice is. Ours tried to do DDs 6 month check when she was only, a very tiny, 4 months.

She's now 18 months, breastfeeds frequently, including feeding to sleep, we'll stop when she wants to. She wakes at least once overnight, but we co sleep so I don't notice much.

NaturalRBF Sat 13-Aug-16 23:13:27

Yeah and like you say Fusion It's FREE! Big thumbs in our book!

blinkowl Sat 13-Aug-16 23:13:27

HVs often (not always!) give advice based on their own anecdotal experience / knowledge / ignorance, rather than based on the latest medical thinking & scientific evidence.

In other words take everything they say with a massive pinch of salt and if it sounds dodgy it probably is!

1. Apparently by 12 months all babies sleep through the night

Absolute bollocks. And how dare she make you feel inadequate. She seems to know fuck all about being a parent.

2. Also I'm still breastfeeding- apparently I should stop now as its not doing anything for her?

More bollocks. The World Health Organisation recommends all DC (in every country in the world) breastfeed until at least 2 years old. That we generally don't in this country is cultural and fuck all to do with science or what's best for babies or mothers.

The HV is reflecting the cultural norms of this country, not scientific facts or even the medical guidelines she is meant to follow!

The first point about sleeping through is probably related to her weird views about BFing.

My HV told me I shouldn't feed DS to sleep, for no good reason as far as I could tell. (She also made racist comments and recorded us as Asian because I told him my granddad is Estonian. Racist dimwit.)

With DC2 I was really looking forward to seeing the HVs and hearing their idiotic comments about BFing. I didn't complain the first time and I was itching to make up for it and complain the second time!
I was so disappointed then when they signed me off after visiting me all of twice! grin

Unless you have a good reason that you haven't mentioned here, you really don't need to see the HV at a year old. She's talking rubbish, tell her you don't want to see her any more, and if you're brave enough (go on! wink tell her and her superiors it's because she's undermining your BFing relationship with your child, contrary to the advice of the WHO.

Out2pasture Sat 13-Aug-16 23:14:01

very odd comments by a HV.

NaturalRBF Sat 13-Aug-16 23:24:06

Please don't think I'm HV bashing. I have met one who was fab. We don't usually go. Only we to see if she weighed enough to go in her stage 2 car seat!

fruitboxjury Sat 13-Aug-16 23:32:51

My thoughts:

HV is not right, right is what works for you.

HV is not wrong. Many babies do sleep through at 12m with occasional waking but they do not need to be fed. They may want to be fed, that's an entirely different story. Likewise, they do not need to be breastfed, but you may want to continue breastfeeding.

Personally, I realised that my 12mo was waking at night because I was breastfeeding. As soon as I stopped, she started sleeping through. Coincidence maybe, who knows.

Do what you feel is right, you're the best judge of what works for you and your baby.

CalleighDoodle Sat 13-Aug-16 23:37:40

Sleeping through for a baby is five hours straight.

Why are you still having a hv visit?!

NaturalRBF Sat 13-Aug-16 23:42:25

We don't have visits. I went to get her weighed to see if she weighed enough for her stage 2 car seat and it was in the same building as a play group we were attending.

AndNowItsSeven Sat 13-Aug-16 23:46:40

Stage two car seat at 12 months? Unless your baby is on a very high centile your car seat should be fine until at least 15 months. Is it rear facing ?

PeppasNanna Sat 13-Aug-16 23:51:15

6dc here. All were sleeping through the night by 12 months.

Bf all for about 2 years.

Why are you seeing HV at 12 months if you have no concerns?

NaturalRBF Sat 13-Aug-16 23:56:04

She's 99th centile for height so her legs were looking uncomfortable hence why I wanted to know if she weighed enough for stage 2. Yes it's rear facing

AndNowItsSeven Sun 14-Aug-16 00:20:20

Makes sense if she really tall, glad you managed to get a rear facing one, not many available for stage two.

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