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Called a pervert...

(28 Posts)
Dutch212 Mon 04-Jul-16 13:46:17

Just need to vent and get a bit of support as really upset.

Was talking to a new mum at mother and toddler. I have a newborn (and toddler) and she has a six month old. I began feeding, (was discreet but no cover if it matters) and she said breastfeeding makes her cringe and is a bit disgusting and don't I feel like a pervert for putting my boob in a baby boys mouth?

I got up and walked away without a word, and informed organiser.

I know she is ignorant etc, but it has just shaken me up a bit and left me feeling so sad. I was too shocked and upset to speak to her, and felt vulnerable as was feeding at the time.

Why are people so rude and nasty? I don't get why other mums deliberately upset and judge each other just because they do something different to them. It's so sad :-(

milkbottle Mon 04-Jul-16 13:50:48

Wow. Of all the comments I have heard about breast-feeding, that must be the weirdest. Millions (or billions?) of women breastfeed! Don't let such an odd comment get to youflowers

AlbusPercival Mon 04-Jul-16 13:52:39

I admire your restraint for just walking away flowers

Dutch212 Mon 04-Jul-16 13:53:06

It's not bothered me in terms of feeding, just made me feel sad and a bit vulnerable.

DramaAlpaca Mon 04-Jul-16 13:53:42

She's the odd one for making a comment like that.

Ignore the silly woman and don't let ignorant comments like that upset you.


Dutch212 Mon 04-Jul-16 13:53:54

I honestly wish I'd said something, but it wasn't the place with kids about and I was just so shocked.

DangerQuakeRhinoSnake Mon 04-Jul-16 13:55:15

She's disgusting for thinking/saying that.

flowers for you and your lovely baby OP.

AliceInHinterland Mon 04-Jul-16 13:56:55

That person has some very serious issues and is going to struggle mixing with other mums. What on earth does she think breasts are for? Was it an attempt at a joke?
Would love to ask whether she felt like a pervert pushing a baby out of her vagina.

PlanBwastaken Mon 04-Jul-16 13:57:19

Well, she can fuck off then - what's wrong with people? Does it help if you think about all the great things about breastfeeding - tailor-made nutrition, bonding, baby cuddles - and she's missing out on it because of her weird hangups.

You could also join the Can I Breastfeed In It Off-Topic group on facebook - it's full of breastfeeding mums who post encouraging things to keep you going.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism Mon 04-Jul-16 13:58:52

She really needs counselling - there's something very wrong in believing a perfectly natural and everyday activity to be perverted. Don't be downhearted, and try to laugh it off as the comment of a fruitcake disturbed person.

Dutch212 Mon 04-Jul-16 14:00:06

Thanks - knew I could rely on you lot to boost me back up 😃
I'm ok, just a little sad. Imagine the awful things her kid might grow up thinking.

Sirona Mon 04-Jul-16 14:02:52

Says something about her and not you op flowers If anything I was always envious of those that could breastfeed for longer, I never managed any more than a month with either of mine.

NeedACleverNN Mon 04-Jul-16 14:03:29

That's actually really bad

Why on earth is it perverted to breast feed a baby?!

Hope she felt suitably embarrassed when you walked away though I bet by sheer ignorance she can't see why you did

EightNoineTen Mon 04-Jul-16 14:03:43

I'm sorry that happened op. I think you reacted in the right way, she will have known why you walked off. Hopefully it will have made her think about her comment and just how rude and stupid it was.


FellOutOfBed2wice Mon 04-Jul-16 14:04:27

I like the qualifying statement "in a baby boys mouth"... But by her weird logic it's not perverse to feed a baby girl then? You could argue at least most little boys will grow up to be heterosexual so are getting an early thrill, for girls who will most likely grow up straight it's just depraved confused

What an idiotic woman.

Mishaps Mon 04-Jul-16 14:07:53

How very bizarre - what a weirdo! It is almost as if she thinks BF has some sexual overtones, especially as she highlighted the "boy's mouth" bit. I have never heard anything quite so odd - what distorted thinking. Well done for walking away - you made your feelings plain without disturbing your little lad's feed. Someone to avoid in future I think!

Dutch212 Mon 04-Jul-16 14:11:41

Yeah, she was definitely different. I felt sorry for her at first as she was saying she had no friends and was lonely. I felt like crying at the time, but I've not.long had a baby and hormones, feeling vulnerable don't help. Thanks for all being so supportive.

Heatherplant Mon 04-Jul-16 14:17:02

Well the breast feeding comment cleared up any questions as to why she had no friends.

AliceInHinterland Mon 04-Jul-16 14:22:10

I do feel sorry for her though, some women do have sensory issues around breastfeeding (the cringe comment) or have just never been around breastfeeding so it's hard for them to think of it as normal. As you say she is ignorant, and that's probably not entirely her fault. I would have been angry though and started an argument so your approach of walking away may be more civilised.

AnnaMarlowe Mon 04-Jul-16 14:22:23

Some suggested responses:

What do you think breasts are for?

So were all women before the invention of baby bottles perverts?

Are adult cows/dogs/cats/pigs/horses etc etc etc perverts for breastfeeding their offspring?

I think you handled it well but sheesh that's an odd attitude.

Dutch212 Mon 04-Jul-16 14:26:08

See I thought I'd chickened out a bit by walking away but just don't feel up to arguing and it's the wrong place. I did tell the organiser though as if she said this to someone else it could cause problems and hopefully they'll keep an eye out, I wouldn't want her to upset anyone else or put a new mum off feeding.
Even if breastfeeding makes a person cringe, they shouldn't say it to the person feeding. It's their issue, they shouldn't make it the issue of a new mum.

AliceInHinterland Mon 04-Jul-16 14:27:49

I don't know - if you're trying to influence people and reduce the divide between women (regardless of how they feed) you could talk about how it actually feels. Rewarding, exhausting, sometimes painful, sometimes pleasurable (though obv not sexual!), sometimes you feel touched out and want your body back and others you just want to feed them at the slightest whimper.
That's if you're feeling generous, you could help make this woman less likely to offend in future! Easy to say, less easy to have a sensible conversation about breastfeeding.

AliceInHinterland Mon 04-Jul-16 14:29:03

Yeah fair enough OP - I was responding more to other posters, it was very rude of her.

BravoHopeful Mon 04-Jul-16 14:31:21

Would love to ask whether she felt like a pervert pushing a baby out of her vagina

Great point!

Tonis2297 Mon 04-Jul-16 14:35:09

Surely she would be the pervert if she was sat looking at your tits hmm what a strange creature I'd bypass her in future wink

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