why oh why (hv) - long anecdote

[Kif]

HV:how are things
kif: become much easier. master kif (10wks) seems to have sudddenly decided to feed every four hours
hv: yeah, put an extra ounce in the bottle and that'll be fine
kif: he's exclusively bf
hv: ooh, you can't do that. bf they have to feed at least every 2-3 hours
kif: (why am i justifying myself? where's my nutter alert?) You misunderstand, since about 3 days ago he only wants to feed that often. I'm really not forcing him to go hungry.



hv: do you produce a lot of milk?
kif: err....
hv: have you tried hand expressing to see how much you get
kif: errrrr....
hv: has he been weighed yet this week? please make sure to attend the weigh in clinic tomorrow
[kif makes busy plans to be as far away from weigh in clinic as possible - am i an irresponsible mother?]

[later]
hv: why do you want a dummy if you're bf?
kif: because it helps him get to sleep without me feeding him down
hv: you know you can feed lying down?
kif: yes, but I like to spend time with Dd1 when ds is asleep
hv: she's a good girl, i can see. just tell her to go back to her room.
[kif quietly grinding teeth - didn't realise wanting to bf my baby meant bonded slavery as human dummy to sucky baby]

hv: and how's he sleeping
kif: ok, but he feeds every 4 hrs at night same as in the day, so i don't really get an unbroken stretch.
hv: oh that's good. I did a course last week, and they told me that you need to feed at night to help make milk
[kif trying hard not to mutter "the little guy wasn't born yesterday, y'know. it's been a slog but helloooo I think it looks like my milk supply is established]

hv (for no apparent reason): and don't think of going on a diet while bf.

Now I'm pretty confident - and mumsnet keeps me well informed - but i have to admit it all upset me. I cried to my dh, and can't seem to stop pinching and poking my chirpy little chappy obsessively checking if he's dehydrated. To note, the little guy isn't huge, but since week three has hugged his centile like glue.

If she was my main source of advice support I'd be running for those SMA hills long before now. I'd leave bfing Kif in a parallel universe where I'd be sure I'd be relentlessly feeding, pumping, ignoring Dd, and fat.

[hunkermunker]

The dangerous thing here is she thinks she knows more about bfeeding than she does...

[Twiglett]

snurk

what a wacko

good for you, sounds like everythings going beautifully

please remember you DO NOT NEED TO DO ANYTHING THEY SAY

I didn't take DD to a HV at all .. didn't miss them at all .. knew where they were when I wanted them .. but I didn't .. cos they're mainly stupid .. at least the ones I've met have been

oh and the crying thing .. that's your hormones lovey .. you know you're right

[Kif]

it just makes me sad and tired tbh - sorry for the struggling mums for whom such dingbat scaremongering advice derails their hard early work to try to bf.

Master kif feeds so beautifully now - done in 20 minutes every 4 hours - nothing like those early marathons.

Basically hv doesn't believe (have any experience?!?) of bf beyonds the 'establish your supply' phase. hv, this is. Not someones granny, but a health professional.

[Plibble]

Once again, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Weighing is not compulsory and neither is seeing the HV. I would refuse to see her again if I were you. It sounds to me like you are doing great just as you are.

[mawbroon]

LOL sorry, shouldn't laugh, but the way you have written it is priceless!!

What she forgot to say was that it sounds like you are doing fantastically well, keep it up and you should be proud of yourself and master kif. There, said it for your forgetful HV.

[LucyJones]

Poor you I wonder if there is anyone you could write to about this so that she doesn't give this misinformation to anyone else?

[tortoiseSHELL]

lol kif - sounds like a typical hv. I think the scariest thing she said, bearing in mind she is a 'trained professional' was 'I went on a course last week and they said...'

Tell me her b/feeding training isn't a course last week....

[shonaspurtle]

My hv is visiting tomorrow - she's coming to talk to me about weaning (amongst other things).... ds is 8 weeks old

Now, maybe I'm doing her a disservice and she's going to advise me of the recommended 6 month guidelines but from what I've read on here I'm sceptical .

Luckily forewarned is forearmed!

[evilsparklystepmom]

what an awful load of poo.

take no notice and keep up your excellent work kif

[DizzyBint]

shona- you might be surprised. my HV ran a weaning party thing when dd hit 4 months. i decided to go along just to see what they'd say. and i almost fell over when she started telling everyone about baby led weaning and the benefits of weaning from 6 months. sadly, i was the only mum there (out of perhaps 10) who hadn't already started weaning.

[Tommy]

Thank god for MN! I wish I'd had it when DS1 was born.

well done kif

(would agree that perhaps you should write to manager of practice or whoever her boss is to express concern)

[shonaspurtle]

Ok DB, I'll keep an open mind and believe in the existence of evidence-based Health Visitors - there must be good ones out there!

[tassis]

last week my HV told me to start weaning at 4 months and one of her reasons was the babies who only have "bland food like milk and baby rice" will turn into the kind of toddlers who will only eat sandwiches and pasta!!!

why are we listening to these people??

[DizzyBint]

the sad thing tassis is that vast numbers of mums ARE listening to this shite. i am seriously the odd bod amongst my mum friends and mums at baby group. they ALL run everything past their HV, ALL trot down to the clinic every fortnight and ALL do exactly what their HV tells them to do. it's all 'well on my HV's advice i'm...' and so on.

[clemsterdarcy]

kif

my hv and yours were separated at birth

same convo exactly even the random dont diet lecture

additionally -- was told dd at risk of SIDS cos not gaining and small and had to take her for weighing twice a week

difference -- as a brand new mum i believed hv not myself and my dd who had consistently gained from birth and also hugs her centile

outcome -- 2 bottles a day as supplement, me v stressed and feeling like a failure, my milk dried up, had pumping marathon to relactate, hit tolerance threshold and decided hv full of crap and only have her weighed 1 time a month, i complained formally to the practice doctor

noticed only 2 of the group of 7 at 1 of her weaning lectures breastfeed

my daughter is thriving and developmentally ahead of the milestones and vvvvv happy with my milk

i still worry about sids as she lodged the fear of possibility

conclusion -- hv are not god, mother knows best

[Laurenypops]

Well done Kif for doing so well with your feeding - shame your HV wasn't so encouraging. My dd is 6 months, and I have ignored my HV since she was 2 weeks and I was told she couldn't possibly have reflux as she wasn't being sick. Thanks to MN I knew she was wrong, and went to my GP, but we had a very traumatic start to her life, no thanks to that HV. These people have a responsibility to know there "stuff", as the impact of them not knowing can be highly significant. Sorry to rant, but you've touched a nerve!

[Kif]

I'd feel like a bit of a princess - and a bf nerd! - if I made it into an issue.

I'm in a fairly deprived area, and I guess she probably has to help some mothers who are in real trouble.

She was otherwise quite sweet and personable - and I know they're short staffed.

[clemsterdarcy]

if i dont do my job poorly i get fired!

just think they dont listen and thats the fundamental problem -- they then react to what they think they've heard and accordingly give the wrong advice

hv roles are under threat so i honestly feek they are justifying their role with over-zelous-ness

spose if such advice saves a child it is better even if it sends most of us running for formula etc

[BuffysMum]

well I'm surprised my babies survived being that they slept 12 hours at night frm a couple of weeks old.......

[clemsterdarcy]

oops meant properly

typing with 1 hand whike bf-ing!

[clemsterdarcy]

i just made a comment that at 4 weeks dd was starting to go for 5h in the night

expected a 'lucky you, get the zzzzzzz'

got documented as 'baby not interested in food' and me being told 'try as they might some women just cant produce the right quality of milk for their babies'

dreadful woman

and wrong

[Kif]

oh, clemsterdarcy, didn't see your post - poor you - what an utter nightmare!

really - the sids comment sounds really below the belt. what an awful thing to hang over a new mum!

You make me think of my Dsil who took her Dd (aged 2) to locum doctor with spots and a fever to have him wonder aloud "Hmmm, this might be the start of leukemia". she obviously almost fell off the chair and rushed to some very bemused out of hours docs who said... it was a virus. wtf?

you're a hero to maintain bf inthe face of that kind of 'support'.

I'm a veteran of the 'you're starving your baby' schtick. Dd didn't regain birth weight til week 6 - and I supplemented from that point.

{{{hugs}}}

[moondog]

Clem,I understood that on the contrary stats. correlated sids with bottlefeeding.
Either way-silly irresponsible bitch!