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Getting into bad habits again?

(8 Posts)
Vezza6 Wed 04-May-16 05:37:43

I have two lovely boys, one is just over 2 and a half, the other is 13 weeks.
As lovely as he is, my eldest Was/is a terrible sleeper. Only just (and even now it's hit and miss) sleeping through the night. I BF him for 14 months, and the only way I got him to sleep was by breastfeeding him. Even when I managed to ween him he would wake 4,5,6,7 times a night.
My dilemma is that my 13 week old seems to be going the same way...
At first he was a totally different baby, slept lots and self soothed (a flipping miracle and never instigated by me!). I admit that I am terrified about letting him cry, and probably reach straight for the boob - I am lucky to have a hefty milk supply and I Ieak enough as it is, so it's often a relief when he feeds. However, as the weeks have gone on, his sleeping habits have got worse and I'm worried history has repeated itself and I've created a bad habit by feeding him go sleep, day and night. My DH is getting frustrated as he wants to be able to put the baby to sleep, but as he couldn't do this for the first 14 months of our first child's life, he too doesn't want history repeating itself. I've TRIED to put him down to go off by himself but he cries and I can't bear it. Please help! I feel like I am creating sleepless children and it's all my fault! I haven't slept for 2 and a half years, don't think I can do another 2 years of the same, especially when he started off so well!! What have I done?!

Gotheftosleep Wed 04-May-16 05:48:21

He's 13 weeks. He's still tiny. You cannot create a bad habit by responding to your child's needs. Try to be gentle with yourself. After two children, I've come to realise that sleep is something biological - you cannot force a child to sleep. Scant consolation at this point but this too will pass, hang in there!

havalina1 Wed 04-May-16 05:53:47

Are you cosleeping? I'm trying changes here too - we were/are co-sleeping but the stretches of sleep are way better if I can find the strength to put him back in the cot rather than keeping him in the bed. The tiredness just gets the better of me.

Another thing, the baby is only 13 weeks so I wouldn't be leaving him to cry so young. I was just reading on kellymom about how it's absolutely ok to breastfeed a baby to sleep as it lowers their systems into a state of relax, is its the most natural way to fall asleep.... I've started putting the baby down dozy) it's hit and miss but that's what I'm trying) and for about half the night he's now in the cot and I'm getting some sleep - it's a work in progress wink

Vezza6 Wed 04-May-16 08:00:24

Thank you! Not Cosleeping, although the toddler occasionally comes in and I am often too exhausted to boot him out! The baby is in a Moses basket by my bed .

Brainnotbrawn Wed 04-May-16 08:04:28

I BF DS for 2.5 years and he was the same. After having 2 sleepers I found it very new but reading up on it he was normal whereas his 2 sisters sleeping was not. I found actually cosleeping which meant I slept as he fed worked best for us. I would not have survived without it personally.

NickyEds Wed 04-May-16 08:09:48

There's nothing you can do at 13 weeks except respond to their needs, they're too little for anything else. For what it's worth I've literally never known a 13 week old who didn't feed to sleep at bedtime! If your dh wants to put him to sleep then I think the only real way would be for him to give him a bottle of either f or ebm because feeding to sleep is so common at this age, obviously it's up to you if you'd like to do that? In the longer term my dd is 9 .5 months and is ff now and we are just starting to give her half of her milk downstairs then the rest upstairs. We'll increase this gradually until she's having all of her milk downstairs so she can have her teeth brushed afterwards and go to sleep without it. Tbh if a baby/toddler is still waking 4/5/6 times a night after night weaning then feeding wasn't the issue surely?

For now I'd definitely just go with the flow and do whatever gets you most sleep now, in my experience with a 13 week old that almost always means feeding on demand and to sleep.

Underbella Wed 04-May-16 11:14:54

My five year old has had a great bed time routine. When she around a year old it all fell into place but it took perseverance and we took turns to sit with her whilst she was in her cot.

DD2 is 13 weeks and we co sleep most of the night together. It's not the comfiest, but we both sleep for longer stretches. I'll wake up to switch sides and that's it.

It's bloody brilliant. Bedtime routines with DD2 will come later when she's older and not needing to breastfeed so much!

Although once DD1 is in bed, I've been taking DD2 to bed to get her to sleep. It sometimes allows me an hour or two on my own in the evening!

havalina1 Wed 04-May-16 12:51:39

Sorry I should have said re:co-sleeping - my son is 7months now and is waking A LOT so I'm trying to get him in the cot which is right beside me. I love cosleeping but I don't sleep (dose at best) while he's feeding. I know it's for a limited time and I'm ok with that.

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