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Not sure I can cope with breastfeeding much longer.

(41 Posts)
Heavenscent86 Wed 20-Apr-16 04:59:27

So I'm 4.5 weeks into breastfeeding my baby and really starting to feel I can't cope with it much longer. Baby has had a tongue tie. He has anterior and posterior. The anterior one was snipped but so far there is no real improvement.
He struggles to latch. We can spend ages trying to latch him on for him to pull off after a minute spraying milk everywhere, exposing my nipple to the world and then needing relatching again. More frustrated bobbing around while we try to relatch him. It makes it really difficult to feed discreetly when out. My nipples feel as though they have been sandpapered they are so sore. I'm exhausted from the continuous feeding particularly at night. Tonight we have been up at 10, 11, 12, 2 for an hour and now 4 for another hour. He is very refluxy so I am constantly covered in sick. Luckily he has gained weight well so he is managing to take in enough milk.
I just don't known how much longer I can keep going with it. I'm so sore and tired. I don't want to stop, I breastfed my daughter until she was 2 and loved it. I wanted to do the same again but this time round I find I am dreading feed time and I have only managed just over 4 weeks so far. I feel like I am failing somehow.

FelicityR313 Wed 20-Apr-16 05:02:04

What harm would you be doing him by giving him a bottle and giving yourself a break?

hazellnut56 Wed 20-Apr-16 05:09:35

Firstly... You are not failing !!! You're doing everything you can, but honestly sometimes you just have to call it when enoughs enough. Professionals will tell you to persevere blah blah but you've done your fair share, a difficult latch can be extremely waring at a time that you're already sleep deprived and not to mention painful. I think if its stressing you out, it will outweigh the benefits and you should just do what's right for you, please do not feel a failure X

AFingerofFudge Wed 20-Apr-16 05:25:39

Have you tried expressing so he is still getting your milk but it's giving your nipples a rest?
But also you do have to look after yourself too and so if it isn't working out and making you stressed and unhappy then how about mixed feeding ( formula and ebm) or just giving yourself a break?
I have 3 DS's, and the first two I breast fed really well. My third had anterior and posterior tongue tie. Despite having them snipped, he still just couldn't get the latch right (and nor could I ). So I stopped feeding him around 6 weeks old and switched to formula. I felt guilty at the time but within a few weeks I wished I had done it sooner.

MammyHester9116 Wed 20-Apr-16 05:27:22

Have you tried a nipple shield?
My son had a tongue tie and was very similar to what you're describing. I had it from 3 days when my milk came in until about a week or so after he had his tongue tie done. It helped him stay latched on (and my nipples!)
I planned on slowly taking it away but suddenly, overnight, my nipples felt much better and he latched on and stayed on.
It also sped up the feeds and he started leaving longer gaps between feeds. But that might also be because he was older. The being sick imported too. Only sick when he is full or sometimes when he burps. Or if my DH decides to play with him after a feed! Lol smile
In the end you have to do what is right for the two of you. I hope things improve for you. P.s you have defiantly not failed! Baby is putting on weight!

MammyHester9116 Wed 20-Apr-16 05:30:20

I forgot to say, I expressed too and gave it at one of the night feeds because he took it much quicker and we both got back to bed quicker. Helped a little with the lack of sleep, I found he took more too and filled him up for longer. smile

winesoon Wed 20-Apr-16 10:02:06

A happy mum = a happy baby. Just do what you need to do and don't feel any sense of guilt. You've done fantastically to come this far but give yourself permission to change things if you need to. You have not failed.

Sunshine87 Wed 20-Apr-16 10:08:27

One word nipple shields they are amazing.I ended up bottling feeding my DS but I got them with my DD and now again with my newborn and I can't rave about them enough.i have one inverted nipple so it really helps. As for the excessive feeds. My little one seems to be constantly feeding. I tried to express an extra bottle but also if needed I'l give an extra top of formula which settles him. This worked with my DD.

Sunshine87 Wed 20-Apr-16 10:11:58

For your sore nipples try Labsinoh HPA Lanolin cream it is expensive at 10pounds but Asda was recently selling them off at £1.50. I picked one up before I had baby as I paid 10before when I had DD.The great thing is about the cream you can put it on and continue to breast fed you don't need to wash it off.

Lalalili Wed 20-Apr-16 10:28:56

One of my dc had this. You are doing a great job!! Certainly not a failure. It's so hard. I could not find a dr to snip the TT (not UK, apparently snipping was not the done thing then). My baby was able to feed normally when the mouth grew a bit bigger, at about 4 months, and we continued until age 2.5 with no problems. Until 4 months, feeds were exactly as you describe, plus colic because of all the air gulping. I used to dread feeding too.

If you would be horribly disappointed at giving up, maybe you could consider persevering with shields (I never tried this, didn't know it might help but sounds like a fab idea). Also setting a mid term goal and making a pact with yourself to switch to ff if things don't improve? But of course nobody would blame you for switching to ff now. At the end of the day the baby needs to be fed and you need to not be at the end of your tether!

GoldPlatedBacon Wed 20-Apr-16 10:35:36

Have you tried expressing? (easier said than done, I know, I'm hopeless at expressing). Have you used rugby hold and feeding lying down? (I found those positions are easier for me and my dd)

I had a bit of a rough ride when dd was 8-10 weeks but then she stopped cluster feeding and, echoing a pp, once her mouth became bigger, feeding was easier.

That said, if you are that miserable then just use formula. It's not poison. 4 weeks bf is a lot longer than what many women do.

Heavenscent86 Wed 20-Apr-16 10:39:49

Hi thank you for all the replies. I do have Lansinoh and it does help a little. I have a breast pump coming in the next couple of days so I'm hoping I can manage to express enough for one or two feeds a day. The baby has had a couple of formula top ups and he does tend to be more rested and sleep well after them but I'd love him to be having my milk if possible. I will look into nipple shields. I wasn't sure they would work with tongue tie and I don't want to make what we have got going worse. I think at the moment my aim is to get to 8 weeks breastfeeding and with expressed milk feeds. If I can't express for some reason I guess I will need to rethink but if the shields help maybe it will be more manageable. It is helpful to think that when he gets a bit bigger feeding might become better anyway so I'm really pleased to hear that lalalili.

Heavenscent86 Wed 20-Apr-16 10:44:38

I tried the rugby hold but found that quite uncomfortable. Feeding lying down worked a bit. He latched on well but it seemed to squeeze a lot of milk out of his tummy as he vomited a lot up all over me before latching on confused and he only fed for a couple of minutes but I figure it is worth trying again.

Jenijena Wed 20-Apr-16 10:49:42

Similar position, DS2 is nearly three weeks. I'm exclusively using nipple shields as they have stopped the cracked nipples bleeding, and it seems to help the latch.

Have also used jellonet on the nipples as well as Lansinoh.

It's grim isn't it. I'm trying to remember the advantages a few months down he line. Because at the moment it is not much fun at all sad

iemma321q Wed 20-Apr-16 10:53:02

I understand what you are going through. This was very similar to my experiences. I was so desperate before ds was born to breastfeed and so determined to make it work that I was devastated by how challenging I found it. I eventually managed three months before introducing a bit of formula and slowly stopping the breastfeeding. I still felt like I had failed as I did this but to be honest it was the best thing I did. Ds took to the formula and was much more content. I got some sleep so was much happier. Dh could get more involved. In fact we actually stopped stressing and started to enjoy our gorgeous son. He is now seven months old and an absolute beauty. What I'm trying to say is give yourself a break and do what you think is best for you and your baby. Don't give anyone or anything a second thought!!

dannydyerismydad Wed 20-Apr-16 14:24:28

What's the plan for snipping the tongue tie? Posterior tongue tie is excruciatingly painful as the nipple gets compressed and crushed against the rough roof of the mouth. And you've been dealing with this multiple times a day for weeks.

Do look into getting this divided. It really could make all the difference.

Heavenscent86 Wed 20-Apr-16 14:31:05

I have to call the lactation consultant back to discuss his tongue tie. Resnipping the anterior one should be a straightforward process if it needs it but they said if his posterior one needs dividing he would have to go under general anaesthetic for the procedure which scares me as he is so little. My nipple does come out of his mouth a funny shape, kind of squashed and narrow at the end and also a bit white in colour. Would it not come out like this with the anterior tongue tie as well?

dannydyerismydad Wed 20-Apr-16 14:37:47

Posterior tongue tie tends to prevent the tongue from rippling when feeding. A tongue functioning properly will draw the nipple away from the hard palette and towards the throat. A posterior tie will often just ram the tongue up and down either pinching the nipple or slowly spitting it out of the mouth (or both).

Is there an option for you to speak to a private lactation consultant? Quite a few do a free assessment, and some perform divisions on a donation basis if you can't afford the fee.

Want2bSupermum Wed 20-Apr-16 14:38:39

Dd is 3 weeks and I stopped BF last week. It wasn't working out for me as dd has TT which needs GA to fix. She is also my 3rd child. I was either feeding or pumping. I just don't have time. I look at the positives. She got 2.5 weeks of goodness. Now she gets 50 weeks of a happy, less sleep deprived, mummy. Also my other 2 DC get their mummy back.

Want2bSupermum Wed 20-Apr-16 14:40:27

Oh yes it's posterior TT that DD has. It's extremely painful. Motherlove cream was better than the lanolin creams IMO.

Onsera3 Wed 20-Apr-16 14:46:19

The posterior tongue tie was a nightmare for me. I'd fed DS for 2 years and thought it would be plain sailing with DD.

I couldn't keep her latched for one minute. Always falling off and choking was awful awful awful. So hard to feed esp when out with DS.

Sought help from NHS but kept hitting delays and obstacles.

Paid £££ to a private paediatric dentist who lasered it and the upper lip tie at 7 weeks and the difference was instant and miraculous.

I really don't know how I would have continued. It was so hard it was giving me depression.

SpanielPlusToddler Wed 20-Apr-16 14:46:36

Absolutely try nipple shields. I fed my wee boy for 5 months with shields because he struggled to latch without them. After 5 months he suddenly managed to latch without them! Found out later he has a lip and tongue tie. Good luck.

FreeButtonBee Wed 20-Apr-16 14:49:10

Try a private LC. My DS2 had a 100% TT, anterior and posterior. Snipped at home in about 15s and massive improvement within 1 week. Are you near London?

Heavenscent86 Wed 20-Apr-16 15:46:13

I'm in the midlands unfortunately so not very close to London. I will have a look round for a private lactation consultant but if they are very expensive I'm not sure it could be an option for us. My baby chokes on the milk flow all the time as well and hardly ever seems fully satisfied. He's always wanting to feed unless we can manage to get him into a good sleep.

dannydyerismydad Wed 20-Apr-16 19:26:20

Here's the approved list of tongue tie practitioners. I hope one of them will be able to help you

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