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Newborn fed all night. So close to giving up.

(86 Posts)
Runningupthathill82 Fri 29-Jan-16 08:11:30

I feel like such a wreck and such a failure right now.

DD was born on Monday and I've slept for perhaps four hours in total since then, in odd half hour blocks, as she insists on being latched on all night. I mean literally all night, not feeding once an hour and going in her Moses basket in between - all night long with no break.

Last night was the straw that has broken this camel's back. She started feeding at 8pm and hasn't come off me yet for more than the time it takes for two loo trips, three nappy changes and a spectacular vomit over the bedclothes. I dropped off for about 10 mins out of sheer exhaustion, with her on a pillow on my bed. I know this is dangerous and it terrifies me.

The night before, she did this non stop feeding from 9pm to 6am and then I slept from 6 for a little bit. But today she won't be put down at all, more than 12hrs since she went on.

I struggled badly to bf my DS, and ended up exclusively expressing for three months, until he could latch well. He was also readmitted to hospital twice as he lost so much weight. I'm worried the same thing is happening again.

I have two huge flat nipples, one of which is inverted. It is impossible for DD to get a mouthful of areola,and the latch is screamingly painful for me each and every time. With DS I had mastitis four times as my milk just doesn't flow right on the inverted side.

I can't do what I did with DS and express round the clock - I have a toddler and a newborn this time. I'm lost. I'm shattered and feel like I'm going crazy.

Right now I want to walk out of my front door and never go home again. Please help.

tangerinesarenottheonlyfruit Fri 29-Jan-16 08:17:00

Firstly flowers sleep deprivation is tough xx

The single thing that saved my sanity was a three-sided crib that attached to the bed. DD wanted to be near to me all the time, and that really helped. Do you think that might help?

Are you in touch with any breastfeeding feeding support like La Leche League?

mouldycheesefan Fri 29-Jan-16 08:18:33

Seriously, switch to formula. Don't beat yourself up, this is hell, you could be enjoying your baby! And other people can fed her so you can get some sleep.
Good luck.

OytheBumbler Fri 29-Jan-16 08:19:38

I had one like this. I used a bed guard and we ended up co-sleeping. I'd never have got any sleep otherwise. I shoved the duvet over onto DH's side and used a blanket for me and the baby for warmth.

Congratulations flowers

OhShutUpThomas Fri 29-Jan-16 08:19:52

Have you spoken to your midwife? And has your milk come in yet or is it still colostrum?

Fugghetaboutit Fri 29-Jan-16 08:21:03

Breast shields are good for flat nipples, have you got any?

I'm 3 weeks in with dd2 and know how you feel. Has your milk come in yet?

Cantseetheforest Fri 29-Jan-16 08:22:43

Oh poor you. flowers That sounds very very hard. I'm not surprised you are so overwhelmed!

Have you researched sage cosleeping practices? I have coslept with my dc and it made life much easier; no lifting in and out of Moses baskets or cots,and lying down on my side to feed was so much easier. I could drift off while baby fed and I almost felt human the next morning. ;) It takes practice to figure out how to feed lying down, but it is so worth it. I usually needed a pillow at my back to keep me supported, and a pillow at baby's back to keep her in the right position, at least until we got the hang of it.

Has your baby been checked for tongue tie? It sounds like something complex is going on with the latch, probably a combination of your nipple shape and baby's mouth/latch. My youngest had posterior tongue tie, which made my nipples have a "brand new lipstick" shape after a feed. It shouldn't be so painful, so that's definitely a sign something is up.

Please, please, get hold of a local LLL leader. In my experience, they are extremely knowledgeable and supportive. They won't "force" you to bf, but they will support you and help you. Baby needs to eat, first and foremost, but mum needs to be sane as well.

I hope you can get some rest today.

Solasum Fri 29-Jan-16 08:24:35

💐 do you have any family/friends who can look after your toddler?

Maybe consider mixed feeding, or even ditching the bf entirely? If it is not working for you, and at the moment it isn't, you are allowed to stop. Bottle feeding is perfectly good enough.

Sweetpotatoaddict Fri 29-Jan-16 08:25:25

It's so hard when they are so little and you are exhausted. I remember with my ds feeling completely lost and despairing and somehow it all got better. What support do you have? What saved me was heading for a nap each afternoon for a couple of hours in that first week, I guess that might be hard though with a toddler. Has your milk come in okay? Mine was really slow, and part of our initial issue. I second getting some support, speak to your midwife about how you are feeling.
cake and brew definitely required.

Pipistrella Fri 29-Jan-16 08:27:46

It sounds like you need some urgent help with your latch. I'm sorry, it sounds hellish - but once the latch is right, it will get SO much easier for you both.

You are doing brilliantly.

Micah Fri 29-Jan-16 08:31:48

Seriously, switch to formula. Don't beat yourself up, this is hell, you could be enjoying your baby! And other people can fed her so you can get some sleep.

Not helpful. "Just give up" isnt the right answer for someone who wants bf support and advice. No wonder bf rates are so low. There are usually alot of emotional issues with bf, and most people want ti know theyve tried all the options before they give up.

O/p. do you have help? My first was like this, and it was as much wanting to be held as fed. Get dh to hold her after a feed, or any decent visitor so you can get sleep. If you're on your own in the day switch off phones and doorbell and go back to bed. See if you can get someone to mind the toddler for a few hours.

If shes very sucky, if you can make another week or so you can try a dummy, life saving for me.

Formula of course is there if you really feel you cant continue. But make your own peace with the decision.

BikeRunSki Fri 29-Jan-16 08:32:30

7 years later I can still remember the hell of the first week of breadyfeeding. DS lost 23% of his birth weight. There wasn't a second week...

Adeleslostbeehive Fri 29-Jan-16 08:34:57

Can you go to a breastfeeding clinic today? If you're not sure they are Googleable.

Get some help with the latch. The feeding and not sleeping will get better- I bet anything today and tonight will be better. You're doing a great job. The baby is obviously thriving with all those nappy changes! Well done you. Ignore the formula pressure, it's not helpful

MaisieDotes Fri 29-Jan-16 08:35:22

Oh running sad

You need to get some sleep. Can someone take the baby for an hour and a half and just let you get some rest?

Cel982 Fri 29-Jan-16 08:35:46

You poor thing, those early days can be so tough. You haven't done anything wrong, so please don't call yourself a failure. You're nourishing your baby in the best possible way.

I think co-sleeping is essential when you've got a permalatch baby, as I did - like you, it was only after waking up a couple of times after accidentally falling asleep with her in my arms that I realised I would have to make a conscious decision to co-sleep and do it safely. Once you get a hang of the positions it will make your nights so much easier.

www.llli.org/sweetsleepbook/thesafesleepseven

www.hobomama.com/2010/06/how-to-cosleep-safely-tutorial-in.html?m=1

And please do contact a LLL counsellor or a lactation consultant to check the latch and support you generally. I promise this gets easier. Hang in there.

IslaMann Fri 29-Jan-16 08:36:17

I'm in sort of the same boat. DD is a week old today and started refusing to latch, I think because my nipples are so cracked and bleeding. She had blood in her mouth after a feed, when I checked I couldn't see a bleeding point in her mouth so it could only be from my nipples. Last night it was such agony that I gave her one of those mini bottles of pre made formula. I sobbed throughout as I felt such a failure but my DH reminded me that what's more important is that baby is fed. She fed once in the night, again on formula, and fell asleep straight afterwards, in total with nappy change, feed, bottle, burp and settle it took 17 mins. This morning I'm still feeling guilty but my job as a mum is to do what's best for baby, not for me, and right now trying to feed her myself is not in either of our best interests.

MaisieDotes Fri 29-Jan-16 08:36:59

isla have you tried nipple shields?

MaisieDotes Fri 29-Jan-16 08:38:24

Oh sorry isla I misread the end of your post. Glad you got some rest flowers

Fugghetaboutit Fri 29-Jan-16 08:49:18

Nipple shields were a godsend while my nips healed up, then after a few days I stopped using and no pain now. Was hellish first few days of non stop sucking, but unfortunately it's normal to stimulate your milk to come in.

Luckystar1 Fri 29-Jan-16 09:00:54

Op it's so hard initially I understand and I completely second the advice to seek help, there is lots out there, unfortunately you have to go to it.

The thing that got me through the nights and stopped me moving to formula was the fact that, my DS would still be up irrespective of whether I was breastfeeding or not! My DH works long hours in a stressful job so I just couldn't make him be up all night every night to share the load.

It will get better, but please seek help. And perhaps ask your DH to take both DC out for a while to let you sleep.

Good luck, well done and keep going if you want to, you can do this!!

mouldycheesefan Fri 29-Jan-16 09:06:46

Micah,Of course it's helpful to suggest formula as an option. Op does not say that she is insistent to continue breastfeeding. She says she wants to walk out the door and never come back. It would be unwise not to consider all the options available and to make her feel,like a failure if she decides not to continue breastfeeding is not on. It is ridiculous not to countenance the suggestion of formula as an option. Op is a real,life person not a case study.
'Make your own peace with the decision', way to make the op feel bad! What ROT! how unsupportive and unhelpful, shame on you saying that to a struggling mum with a newborn, vile behaviour.

Adeleslostbeehive Fri 29-Jan-16 09:10:47

Do you seriously think OP isn't aware of the existence of formula? That she'd have to come on MN to know about it? Give her some credit, she's sleep deprived not stupid! If you wanted formula she would just go out and buy some.

mouldycheesefan Fri 29-Jan-16 09:11:50

Maybe she need supp

Hufflepuffin Fri 29-Jan-16 09:11:50

This funny little product from lansinoh helped my inverted nipples stand up straight enough for my tongue tied baby to latch http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B000WHL2TE/ref=pdaww_sim755_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=31wjcGEgRrL&dpSrc=sims&preST=ACC_UL115SR99%2C1155_&refRID=0ZCF78BE3SQKJX9SKDCG#productDescriptionsecondaryy_viewdivv_1454058578805 - a breast pump does kind of the same job but this is quicker and easier to use in the middle of the night!

My son also had a tongue tie, which didn't help, so I would recommend getting that checked too!

Frazzled2207 Fri 29-Jan-16 09:12:27

Poor you.
What saved my sanity with dc2 was co-sleeping.
Lying down side by side next to baby with him attached to my boob.
Even if you don't want to sleep with him this way give it a try and get dp to "supervise" while you try and get some.
Alternatively give your dp a bottle of formula and take yourself off to bed for a few hours. Won't affect your breastfeeding.

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