Forced to wean :( advice?(6 Posts)
Hi mumsnetters!! Hoping I can get some advice and support on this one!! I previously posted this on a different thread but a nice lady told me to come here as I might get more help.
My bubs is 14 months old and up until 2 days ago, still happily breast feeding (to the slight annoyance if SO)
Originally I wasn't going to breastfeed. I'm Irish and it's not a big thing in Ireland at all. Kind of the polar opposite to the UK. I ended up breastfeeding for a number of reasons and the rest is history. But here's the problem: I can't stop. When she was 6 months old she stopped taking expressed milk from a bottle. I didn't mind cause I love the bond I have with her but I kind of built a rod for my own back because now I'm the one who always gets her at night because I have the boobs
She's a horrible sleeper and SO insists it's because she wakes up expecting to be fed because when she does wake up I immediately feed her (I can't listen to her cry and it gets her to sleep quickly so in my eyes it's a win/win) .
We tried weaning before but she is such a strong willed baby and throws proper tantrums (which I hate to admit make me feel guilty). She's now getting to the age that she's not a baby anymore and me giving into her tantrums is doing more harm than good. We've spoken about weaning and although I'd continue feeding if I could for convenience, I know that it's getting to be time to do it.
As faith would have it, 2 days ago I ended up in hospital and they had to keep me in. I was panicked because my DD's schedule would be completely messed and she'd be a nightmare. I couldn't express milk because of the pain meds I was on so on such short notice I told SO to go to the shop and buy some cows milk. Set him with instructions for when to give it at night and all the rest.
The first night was ok. She woke up 3 times, only drank about 2 oz but went back to sleep after it and woke up once again after that.
Last night she woke up once at 4.30am for a bottle, which she gulped down, and slept until 8.40 this morning.
I'm actually in shock, she's never slept that well before and I hate to admit that it looks like I'm the reason she wakes up so much (expecting to be fed). I'm due to go home today but I'm a bit worried that by me being back in the house she'll revert to her old ways. I'd love to continue BF but I think that if I do feed her she'll just cancel out taking a bottle all over again and it'll be back to square one.
Admittedly this isn't the way I would have liked to wean but she seems to be ok with it. What do I do? Do I just let daddy take over tonight in the hopes that she'll see that even when I'm home this is the way it's got to be?
I should also mention that I'm supposed to be going home to Ireland for a visit on Tuesday with her alone and to be honest it would obviously be a lot easier if she wasn't waking up a lot at night to be fed.
I don't have any other mum friends who've BF so any advice would be so great!
Absolutely. Let your partner take over the nights and she won't be asking to bf at night anymore. If it is indeed the reason for waking then she'll wake up fewer times and sleep again with no need for milk. In fact it would greatly help you if your partner doesn't offer her milk or water when she wakes at night. Slowly but surely she will stop waking as her body learns to sleep without sips of milk/water.
If you wish you can still feed her in the day but unless you plan on feeding her for much longer, this may be a good way to stop.
Hi Op, I have a 14 month old too (and am Irish!) and am on the cusp of weaning here too
First thing is definitely definitely get your oh to keep doing whatever it is he's doing with dd at night. You've done all those months of night waking and now it's his turn and she sounds like she's ready to sleep more too. It's good for their boding too for him to be doing nights with her.
I have been cutting out feeds very gradually over the last few months and now I have nearly no milk left. I don't think I'd mind keeping up a morning or evening feed for a while longer but I sense dd is losing interest. Her sleep has been awful since birth and is now slowly improving so I don't want to go backwards. Anyway I would just caution against dropping all feeds straight away as I sense you are a bit conflicted about it - I stopped cold turkey with my older dd at 13 months and it was very hard physically and emotionally (on me, she was fine!).
So leave dh to do the nights and you could always do a morning and a before bed feed and, outside of those, if she asks just distract or give her a drink in a cup.
I hope you're ok too by the way, can't be easy if you're in hospital!
Thanks ladies for the replies!
And thanks HalfStar, I'm
doing much better! I was worried that because I was home last night she's go back to how she had been. I let my SO put her to sleep while I was out of the room and she only woke once! I was in shock! We've agreed that tonight he'll out her asleep again but I'll be in the room so slowly well introduce me putting her down the same way.
I think for us, if I start feeding her through the day again she'll get the wrong message. She's really strong willed and she might think if she gets it during the day again she could get it at night if she wakes. I'm going to just stop all together (some days she wouldn't feed at all during the day if we were out or anything so it's not a big of a deal as night feeding). My only problem now is I am so engorged it's horrific!! I read that you can empty some to relieve the pressure but the only time the pain stops is if I fully empty and I've read not to do that
I would be super careful of getting mastitis and might gently wind down with a bit of expressing, she can always have it in a bottle so it won't be wasted. Even if you just bin it, better to do that than to have that discomfort.
Just FWIW, both mine night weaned and then kept feeding for [coughYEARScough], so if you don't want to stop completely it's definitely very much possible to just feed during the day without baby being "confused" or "getting the wrong message". It's pretty common.
Personally I found not feeding at night any more saved my sanity as I got tons more sleep and meant I was happy to keep up the couple of day feeds.
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