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Really feeling desperate.

(13 Posts)
minniebear Wed 23-Dec-15 07:31:01

DD2 is 8 weeks today, and wanted to feed constantly between 3:30pm and 9pm when she went to sleep. Alternatives presented to her were cuddles/rocking with me and two other people (in case she could smell the milk), a dummy (spat out), time in the cot, walk in pram, walk in sling. She then slept for a stretch and has been up hourly wanting to feed from 3am. The night before she slept till midnight then was up hourly.

I'm bloody exhausted and fed up. Every time she latches on in the evening I resent it. I can dive in the shower for ten minutes, but she screams with DH. I also have 18 month DD1 to look after, who I keep getting fed up with because of the lack of sleep, and all the while I'm trying to cook her tea, DD2 is screaming at me.

There's no issue with tongue tie, and latch has been checked often after her long afternoon/evening feed she throws a load back up, so I know plenty's going in. I can express 5oz in 5 minutes.

The GP suggested a bottle feed at bedtime to give me a break, but there's no bedtime feed as such-she feeds from 3 on a bad day and 5 on a good day until she goes to sleep.

I'm sore and just really sad, and I hate myself for taking it out on DD1, who's frustrated and testing limits, just because her mum's constantly feeding the baby and irritable. I can't do the whole "Set yourself up on the sofa with the remote and some lovely food" because of DD1, and I have no desire to cosleep because I just need my space when she's feeding so bloody much. What on earth do I do? Other than cry.

YouBastardSockBalls Wed 23-Dec-15 07:37:09

Sounds like cluster feeding. Which is lovely with a first as you just sit there, but bloody hard with a second.

You're doing it. You're already doing it. Just take one day, one hour at a time, and get all the help that you can - ASK for it.

THIS WILL PASS. But it's really bloody hard. You're doing well lovely flowers

minniebear Wed 23-Dec-15 07:42:05

You've made me cry again! Thank you for your kind words. I agree it's cluster feeding, but I'm worried it won't end. I'm on the verge of giving up-it's putting such a strain on us as a family, and I have friends whose one year olds still feed hourly through the night, so I feel there's no end in sight. I'd feel guilty for giving up because she enjoys breastfeeding so much...even though I don't at the moment.

Cotto Wed 23-Dec-15 07:45:58

My DS was like this-it stopped around 10 weeks .
I used to just chuck him in a sling and let him suckle while I got on with cooking etc.
I once fed him walking around Tescoblush

He didn't feed all night at one, once he was on solid food the BF gradually reduced.

Flossiesmummy Wed 23-Dec-15 07:49:35

I was just about to recommend a sling - then little one can nurse while you crack on with whatever you want/need to do.

Gwynfluff Wed 23-Dec-15 07:51:17

Is she tanking up in 'normal' hours, so from 6.00am. Feeding 2 hourly, no stretches of 3 or 4 hours.

At 8 weeks, I'd also put a bedtime in. At 6-6.30ish go up, feed, bath, out of bath and into dimly lit room, night clothes, another feed and bed. Do this religiously for a month. All feeds after 6.00pm to be upstairs in dimly lit room. With my first, the mad unsettled cluster feeding was partly to do with being hyperstimulated and over tired in the evenings - she needed to be in a darkened room!

minniebear Wed 23-Dec-15 07:57:56

Thanks ladies, I need to get the hang of sling feeds-I use an Ergo or Caboo, but haven't mastered it yet. I'm upstairs in a dimly lit room from 7, but I could wake and feed her more often in the day, thank you. People put it down to the 6 week growth spurt, which they said lasts a few days to a week and a half, then people said it stops at 8 weeks. By the evenings I'm on my knees, I'm so drained and resentful.

IBelieveInPink Wed 23-Dec-15 08:03:22

I was you a few months ago. Honestly, I thought it would never end. For reference, my 5 month old ds is just growing out of his 6-9 month clothes so that should give you an idea of how much he was feeding.

It will end. I promise. It's bloody hard work, especially when you have another one (my older one is just a couple months older than yours) but it will end.

Only keep going as long as you can, if it's too much, try a bottle. I was losing my sanity when he suddenly started settling in the evening at 7pm (I think this was 11 weeks) and it all fell into place.

You are doing brilliantly. flowers

YouBastardSockBalls Wed 23-Dec-15 09:55:08

I'm worried it won't end.

She won't be cluster feeding on her first day of school. It will absolutely, definitely, 100% end sometime. It will. Keep that in mind - THIS TOO WILL PASS. It won't last forever - but the health benefits and the great start you're giving her will.

Try only looking as far into the future as the next feed. Get the next feed done, then give yourself a pat on the back.

Important things to remember -

- cluster feeding for days on end is normal
- people will help if you ask them (you just might need to ask a few)
- you are doing an amazing thing for your baby
- your DH/DP is more than capable of cooking and cleaning
- your older child will not be harmed if they watch a load of tv for a few months of their life
- one day it will end, and you will tuck them into bed at night and not see them again until morning
- you can eat loads.

flowerscakebrew

minniebear Wed 23-Dec-15 12:54:27

smile thank you ladies. Your posts have all made me cry! It just feels like such a bleak time, and I think I just need a break. I'm hoping an extra pair of hands over Christmas from DH will help. You're right, I need to think about now and the next feed.

ArcticCactus Wed 23-Dec-15 14:09:46

Oh op, reading your post gave me deja vu!

Mine was exactly the same. 5 weeks and eight weeks he turned into a Velcro baby Hoover. I found feeding really painful for the first ten weeks and I felt like I was losing my mind.
He's now 11 weeks, feeding is magically no longer painful and he went five hours last night!

It will pass, honestly. Take it one day at a time and let your dh do everything else - your only job is to feed yourself and the baby. Your older child can snuggle with you, or watch tv, anything that gets you through.

I gave my lo a bottle in the evening because I just got to breaking point. That one bottle of formula a day saved breastfeeding for me I think. Just getting enough if a break to have a shower helped hugely.

minniebear Wed 23-Dec-15 19:13:01

Thank you! It's nice to hear I'm not the only one! I sort of wish I'd written things down with my first so I had some perspective! It all feels a bit bleak!

noshthis Wed 23-Dec-15 21:06:20

I just wrote a similar post!! The cluster feeding iOS doing my head in and I also have a toddler. Peppa pig is my saviour. My first did this but I'm hoping my second stops sooner. The first one dos it until he was over 4 months old. Augh!! Hope it ends soon for you X

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