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After my rant yesterday, today I'm quitting

(32 Posts)
Sleepybunny Thu 10-Dec-15 06:48:37

It was going reasonably well. Nipples cracked sore and bleeding. Got nipple shields and worked on latching better. She fed until satisfied and I expressed a couple times a day to help with the evening cluster feeds and boost supply.

Last night was hell, she fed on and off for long periods of time. Nipples are in agony despite the shields and still seem to be bleeding.

Cup feedind is a nightmare, she spits out so much and takes an ounce over 40 minutes. Most of it is soaked into a cloth or down her baby grow.

She's only a week old, If i saw a BF councilor, I'm sure she's latch perfectly when observed.

Feel like shit and can't see a way forward. I have a three year old to think about too.

mamaneedsamojito Thu 10-Dec-15 06:54:46

You probably know this if you're on your second DC but there is a growth spurt at a week which is probably why you've been up half the night. I still remember the agony of those first couple of weeks - much harder than giving birth in my opinion. Your nips will feel MUCH better in another week if you can stick it out but if you can't, don't beat yourself up. It must be very hard to be so tired with a toddler in tow too. I thought nipple shields were amazing by the way, they stopped me crying through every feed sad

ApplesTheHare Thu 10-Dec-15 06:54:47

No wonder you're feeling bad, it sounds like you have an awful lot to contend with flowers Do what works for you, the 'happy mum, happy baby' rule is so true and you've already given your DD a great start.

BrandNewAndImproved Thu 10-Dec-15 06:56:36

Happy mum happy baby is definitely true. Do what works for you.

Fraggled Thu 10-Dec-15 06:57:10

Ah yes the 1 week growth spurt. I remember it well! Constant feeding for 24 hours.

MartinRohdesBellybuttonFluff Thu 10-Dec-15 06:57:30

You need to do what's right for you. No biggie, bottles aren't evil! I read your other thread yesterday and my heart went out to you.

Congratulations on the birth of your lovely daughter btw flowers

SpendSpendSpend Thu 10-Dec-15 06:59:16

I ve no idea why women put themselves through breastfeeding hell.

Just give baby a bottle

LetThereBeCupcakes Thu 10-Dec-15 07:03:21

Breastfeeding has to work for everybody. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

FWIW, we introduced a bottle when DS was about this age and I offered breast when I felt able. It wasn't much at first, but as it became less painful I was gradually able to increase bfing again. We got back up to ebf and finally quit breastfeeding for good a few months back, when he was 2.5.

You may be able to mixed feed if you want too. Most important thing is everyone being happy though.

Congratulations on your DD!

MangosteenSoda Thu 10-Dec-15 07:04:59

If you think you will regret giving up, seek help - La Leche, lactation consultant, hv...

If you are happy with ff then send someone out to buy formula and bottles, get them to make up a bottle, then get them to feed it to your baby while you play with the toddler. Then tonight, get DH to do all the feeds while you have some wine and some sleep. Give baby a big cuddle in the morning, feeling much more relaxed. But really only do that if you are sure you won't regret it (no reason to, but I'm guessing you started bf because that's what you wanted to do).

Or a combination of the above. Let someone else give baby a bottle once a day to give you a break and take it from there.

There are loads of options. It's entirely your choice. Do what is right and best for you and your family. flowers

Scarydinosaurs Thu 10-Dec-15 07:07:17

Definitely give her a bottle. Some babies just don't feed well on the breast- my first was an evil feeder and lacerated my nipples, whereas my second has so different. Both girls, both the same size...neither had tongue tie (checked over and over by specialists) and so I bottle fed the first out of necessity and the second out of preference after the first couple of weeks.

It doesn't make you a bad mother, making the right choice for your baby makes you a great mother.

Lweji Thu 10-Dec-15 07:12:39

I'm all for doing what works for you and to give formula.

My main bug these days is why are so many women expressing and for what in the first few weeks?
I wouldn't be surprised if that messed up supply and dynamics when it's already difficult for the mum. Unless the baby is not latching at all.

If by any chance you decide to continue to breast feed or mix feed, I'd stop expressing altogether.

mamaneedsamojito Thu 10-Dec-15 07:19:55

PP's suggestion to combi feed is good. I did this because DS wasn't a great feeder and didn't gain weight initially (or even latch for the first few days). I used to do a BF then expressed milk & top up with formula feed (yes it took bloody ages) at around 9pm then DH did the next feed (11/12ish) with FF. it meant I got a few solid hours sleep and saved my sanity a bit. Happy mum, happy baby. I came close to slipping into PND due to our feeding problems, I really don't recommend giving yourself a hard time about it thanks

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 10-Dec-15 07:26:32

if you have had enough then fir gods sake stop putting yourself through hell and grab a bottle.

she's not going to start glowing or anything.

as long as she's fed who cares.

it's ok. it really is. there's not some arbitrary level. of misery to have to achieve before people will "forgive you". if you don't want to, it really is perfectly fine to stop smile

flowers

well done fir trying so hard

Sleepybunny Thu 10-Dec-15 07:36:42

Thanks everyone for the kind words, I know you're all dead right.

I feel like I'm letting her down by giving up so early. But also letting both my girls down by being so preoccupied with feeding.

Expressing isn't great, a real time suck and means I'm sat tied to a pump whilst DD2 flaps about in front of me rather than being cuddled.

Perhaps mixed feeding is the way to go, although she like comfort sucking on me in the day time, I'm not sure how she'll take to bottles.

Don't think I'll be happy with any decision to be honest. Althpugh it's fantastic to hear of others giving bottles and still going back to breast feeding

Youareyou Thu 10-Dec-15 07:38:54

Ditto above. Giving my baby a bottle wa a weight of my shoulders.
It's a fact that babies respond to a mothers mood. So happy mum happy baby is actually true.
No offence to mums with pnd. That's not a choice but BF is.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 10-Dec-15 07:42:10

sleepy

just remind yourself that in just a few short weeks when your pulling dog biscuits out of her mouth or the dust pan and brush becomes her chew toy, you will realise that the milk really is the least of your worries wink

she's loved and cared for and has a sister...

not sure where she's being let down at all. flowers

SweepTheHalls Thu 10-Dec-15 07:43:22

I used to bottle feed from 6 pm until bed time each evening. My milk supply was knackered and so was I by that point in the evening. Being able to hand over the baby, have a bath and do bedtime for my toddler kept me sane. There is no right or wrong to feeding, just what works for you and your family flowers

captainproton Thu 10-Dec-15 07:45:51

You know you can still give baby the odd bottle of formula and continue trying to breastfeed if you want. Technically not supposed to advise it but I did it, and I know many that do. some babies don't get nipple confused, and not everyone's supply dies instantaneously. It's possible to go back to BF completely if you let baby have a go once or twice a day. Topping up express milk with formula in a bottle (sod the cup) you never know it might work and let your nipples heal.

DangerMouth Thu 10-Dec-15 08:10:52

I've mixed fed both mine. Dd1 from about 8 weeks and we bf until 8 months.

Dd2 will be 3 months as I've had to express her breast milk and you're right, it's a pain and I've felt chained to the pump. I think I'll be relieved when dd2 is fully ff and I will get that expressing time back.

In a very short while you'll be thinking of weaning and bf/ff will be a distant memory.

It does seem like everyone ebf, but l think the truth is a bit different. Try to do what's best for your entire family flowers

tiktok Thu 10-Dec-15 08:12:19

sleepybunny, sorry about your bad night. sad

Cup feeding is rarely worthwhile. If you are giving ebm, a bottle is fine (nipple confusion is not a well-evidenced phenomenon).

If shields make it bearable, and you don't want to see a bfc ('cos somehow your baby will know she's being watched and will latch on fine??), then you can continue with them for the present. But if the shields are not helping, then maybe they're not being positioned right?

If it won't make you happy to ff, then it's not surprising your are in a dilemma.

Sounds like you need to talk to someone in real life. Someone who will listen and let you explore options. Posting here is not helping !

Sleepybunny Thu 10-Dec-15 08:18:36

Thanks, i'm going to see someone this afternoon, a bfc who is lovely. Just feel demoralised, it's hard to keep up a positive attitude to it all.

tiktok Thu 10-Dec-15 08:21:40

To clarify: posting here won't help you reach a decision....but a bit of ranting might help smile smile

pinksummer Thu 10-Dec-15 08:22:19

My first was BF for 8mths, my second, 7 weeks. I was racked with terrible guilt about giving up, but a lovey random lady said to me 'you are doing what is best for your family' and she was right. That helped me so much. I was glued to the baby, ignoring the toddler, sleep deprived and slipping slowly into resentment.

tiktok Thu 10-Dec-15 08:23:43

Your expectations are very high - having a positive attitude when you are in pain and totally exhausted is not possible. Don't feel demoralised because you don't feel positive sad

Hope it goes well this pm.

Sleepybunny Thu 10-Dec-15 09:02:09

Thank you, i'll update later

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