Really desperate to stop breastfeeding

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

Please don't flame me. DD2 is 4.5 months and EBF. I BF DD1 until 8 months.
We got off to a really tough start with feeding this time round. DD2 fed for almost 48 hours solid when we came out of hospital and continued to cluster feed for 12 hours overnight every night for a week. With a 20 month old at home this was pretty tough going. At 8 days post birth I developed mastitis. I was so exhausted and with running around after a toddler I didn't get to the GP quick enough and it lead to sepsis and a 4 day stint in intensive care. I kept the baby with me and continued to BF throughout the hospital stay.
I haven't enjoyed feeding at all this time round. She has a shallow latch (I've been to numerous support groups etc and just can't seem to change it). She has never slept longer than 3 hours in a row and for the past month has been up every single hour in the night. She barely feeds in the day (too distracted by DD1) and tanks up all night. She clamps her gums on my nipple and yanks really hard. She has bad wind due to the shallow latch.
I'm exhausted. I don't want to BF anymore. I know it won't change her sleeping but at least DH could take some of the night shift. I need a break.
Problem: she won't take a bottle. We've been trying for 2 months. Have tried tommee tippee, Dr Browns, lansinoh, mam, avent, nuk and mimijumi bottles. Have tried expressed BM, aptimil and hipp organic. Absolutely no joy whatsoever. Have tried DH doing it when I'm out, DM doing it when I'm out, me doing it, various positions, in her bouncy chair.
I'm on the edge. I haven't slept longer than an hour at a time for a month. I can't sleep when the baby sleeps as a) she rarely sleeps and b) I have a toddler at home too. I really, really want to stop BF, but I can't. I cry at the thought of continuing to feed and am worried about slipping into PND.
Any advice please?

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Just wanted to give you a massive hug.

I agree that this sounds completely unsustainable.

I presume you've been to all the breast feeding cafes etc and had her assessed for tongue tie?

If you definitely want to give up then I've heard that under these circumstances it might be best if DH dealt with the weaning so you would go and stay somewhere else for 24 hours with DC1 and leave him with a supply of bottles and formula.

Hopefully someone else will be along shortly with some better practical info

[Seriouslyffs]

You won't be flamed! You've given her a great start but it sounds utterly exhausting. Not sure about the prcticalitoes but someone else will be

[SummerDreams13]

You poor thing, that sounds horrendous absolutely no judgement here, sounds like you've already gone well over and above. Mine also didn't take bottles for a while and DH just had to persevere over the course of a couple of days, every time a feed was due. If sounds like you've tried most things, but I stayed out of the house for 2-3 feeds (longest I felt comfortable leaving her to potentially be hungry) - warming the milk hotter than he thought she'd like, holding her in cradle position and with an old t shirt of mine over his shoulder was what cracked it. Oh, and it was a Mam bottle after a few days of her having a Mam dummy with me - she never took any other bottle. Good luck, I know it's hard and you do need to enlist DH or DM for a concerted plan of attack

[Seriouslyffs]

^^
I thought cold turkey like Gobbo

[Moohoomeltdown]

Oh OP, and what a tough ride!

You've done amazingly. I totally agree that you should stop (and I'm probably classed as a pro bf nipple nazi ) but you've done so well and she's had so many months but now you need to concentrate on getting yourself back together. Getting some rest and just settling up!!

I agree with others who say cold turkey (maybe chat it over with HV or GP if you want to) she will take a bottle, she will have to if its her only option. It's a horrible thought but you need to push through so your husband/others can step up.

Best of luck OP.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

Thanks all, am in tears reading your posts.
DH is fully on board and will do whatever it takes. I'm nervous about going cold turkey as she's no stubborn, and I really don't want to overly distress her. I'm worried she just wouldn't have any milk and would dehydrate, is that stupid? I will try offering the bottle before every single feed today. I find it hard to focus on it with my toddler demanding my attention at the same time but really need to get this sorted.
No tongue tie, I think we just started badly and never managed to get it back on track with the latch. I'm so sad about it as BF-ing DD1 was generally lovely.

[Swannykazoo]

You poor thing. Just wanted to say don't forget about yourself when weaning - you'll probably need to express for a while as your supply is probably pretty well established. I'm sure you know this, given you've had mastitis but its hard to know anything when you've been through the wringer. You've fed far longer than lots in far more difficult circumstances so well done

[ScarletBegonia1234]

My lo wouldn't take any bottle we tried loads...but he took a sippy cup at 4 months! One with the valve in from tomee tipee... it's called a weaning sippy cup 4 months +.

We just put some milk in it and let him play with it until he worked it out. Maybe worth a try?

And please don't feel bad about switching away from bf you have done so well and you should do whatever works best for you! Good luck!

[WorzelsCornyBrows]

You've been through a tough time and it's OK to say enough is enough.

I had a bottle refuser and it caused so much stress. Eventually I waited until she'd had a really good sleep, so she was ravenous when she woke up. After a bit of protest she eventually took the bottle and wolfed the lot. I would have liked to have mix fed, but she's clearly and all or nothing child as once she'd taken the bottle she absolutely refused the breast. That made me sad, but at 5months I just couldn't carry on EBF a baby with a poor latch.

As long as you're sure you want to stop, set your mind to it, when DC is hungry enough, they'll take it.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Oh yes - Ive heard good things about trying sippy cups as scarlet said

I've got a 1 and a 2 year old and a newborn. Currently really struggling with latch on day 8. I'm expressing and topping up but am determined not to feel bad if I need to give a bit of formula.

I think you've done brilliantly to get to where you've got to. It's a totally different kettle of fish when you have more than 1DC. Even though my parents are here and DH is on paternity leave, I just find I don't have the time to devote to sorting out the latch issues.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Definitely get some medical advice (I am not a doctor and don't have a clue!) but my understanding is that if the baby is not a newborn and otherwise well, they will eventually take the bottle/cup. Plus, it does take a bit of time to dehydrate seriously so if you went out for - say - 6 hours, DD is unlikely to be seriously ill with dehydration by the time you return. You could ask DH to keep an eye on nappy out put - particularly urates - just to be on the safe side

However - as said - I'm not a doctor so please anyone feel free to correct me if this is a load of old bollocks!

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

Thank you. DH is at home today so we're going for it today/this weekend.
Worzels DD1 was all or nothing too and she basically self weaned from the breast at 8 months when she properly took to a sippy cup.
Scarlet thank you, I'll pick up some cups.
Gobbolino congratulations on your baby. You're right, it's so different when it's not DC1. In awe of you with 3 under 3!

[NickyEds]

You've done amazingly well to get this far and stopping is absolutely the right thing to do. I've got friends with stubborn bottle refusers and the only thing that really worked was leaving the house. I think that the good news (sort of!!) is that you're not wanting to carry on bf. As strange as it sounds my friend who just wanted to stop completely found it easier than the ones who wanted to preserve some feeding. My friend just left the house with her breast pump and didn't come back until her baby hd had a bottle of milk. I'm guessing her dh had a hell of a day but I thin that her baby just had to go cold turkey.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

NickyEds you must be sick of reading about my BF woes .
I know cold turkey is the only way we're going to crack this but just need to find the resolve. DH is happy to give up the weekend to get it sorted. I need toughen up.

[HalfStar]

Ah OP you've had it so tough. Just seconding the advice to a) try the bottle after a big nap when they're hungry but bright and fresh, and b) look after yourself too. Best of luck.

[NickyEds]

I bet you're more sick of having bf feeding woes Worlds!!

Your baby will be fine. take your toddler out for some quality time, if she's anything like my ds she'll love it- in our house the tyrantbaby gets a lot of attention so some time with just the toddler might make something nice out of a difficult situation. Your dh might need a drink though!

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

Yeah I would love to spend some one on one time with her. That's part of the reason I want to stop, she is feeling a bit neglected I think. We will all be happier if the burden can be shared a bit.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

My dad is away for the weekend so packing DH and baby off there tomorrow armed with bottles and milk. My dad has Sky Sports and we don't so DH is seeing it as a positive situation!

[NickyEds]

I might be wrong but in our house dp finds the baby crying easier to cope with than me. I can cope with the toddler having a tantrum but when dd get going I can't bear it whereas dp is the other way around! Definitely let him deal with it! I occasionally get quite jealous of the time my friends get to spend with just their toddlers.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

Yeah definitely, it doesn't affect him anywhere near as much as it affects me.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

We've got the Nuk teat Luxy, I thought that was going to be the one that cracked it for us but she rejected that like all the others. We've spent around £70 on different bottles...

[NickyEds]

Oh and if it helps, we use Mothercare Innosense bottles with dd (she has 1 ff a day at bedtime) and they seem good. It took us around 2-3 weeks when she was 3-4 weeks old to get her to take it but it just seems the right shape for her and now she has a bottle with no problems.

[byhec]

Be really careful with cold turkey as you could have problems (e.g. mastitis), better to reduce more gently. Phone the bfn breastfeeding helpline for advice, they won't judge, they will suport you.

[WorzelsCornyBrows]

byhec I expressed to get around that, plus it meant that DC was still getting some breast milk so that the transition wasn't so sudden on her gut.

Personally, I'd caution against spending a fortune on different bottles/teats. We did this and she refused all of them. Once we'd finally got her on to the bottle she'd take any of them happily. It wasn't the particular teats that were the problem, it was the fact they weren't boobs