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fed up of people asking

(17 Posts)
spillyobeans Wed 18-Nov-15 06:04:59

" how long are you planning on breastfeeding for " - my ds is 5 months, but people (family members, all dhs family not mine) have been asking constantly.

Dhs father also makes inappropriate comments everytime i feed ds. As a family, dhs included, we always joke and take the piss a bit out of each other, but his comments are grating on me. He will say "aare your boobs out again?" " or everyones seen them now" etc. And he said something that really irritated me quite early on about how i needed to "make an informed descision " about breastfeeding (the context was me trying to explain why my ebf newborn was up every 2 hours feeding- to their dismay- trying to tell me i obviously wasnt producing enough milk, and me explaining that i had seen a lactation consultant snd ahe said bf was going brilliantly) and hes a bloody paramedic - he should know better, he obviously thought he knew best (despite having no experience of bf as dhs mum didnt.)

Everytime ds is hungry dhs father will say to dhs mother, "oh go warm a bottle" even though i breastfeed and i say "no its ok im feeding him, i just get met with a snarky look.

I dont know how long i will breastfeed for but why the flying fudge should it matter!

spillyobeans Wed 18-Nov-15 06:39:26

sad

Iggi999 Wed 18-Nov-15 06:44:07

I would not want to be around them like this. If your dh knows it's upsetting you, why won't he step in? They sound terribly immature.
As to when to stop, my three year old still has the odd bedtime feed - never planned that, it is just what he wants, and I'd rather please my angelic child than some irritating relatives! You are doing a freest thing for your dc. When the baby is older, are they going to start teasing him too?

spillyobeans Wed 18-Nov-15 06:50:26

Dh does stick up to them, and he gets told "shut up" ...i think they see us as kids rather than able adults. And the other times dh thinks im being too sensative hmm.

And dhs mum keeps saying ds is "looking for food" as he watches you eat - he doesnt know what food is yet!

AnnaMarlowe Wed 18-Nov-15 06:57:15

Can you have a quiet word with Your mil and tell her it's distressing you and needs to stop?

If it doesn't stop, visit a lot less.

Whoknewitcouldbeso Wed 18-Nov-15 06:58:43

That's terrible sad

I had a very difficult time with my family when ebf in the early days as DS was dropping centiles. Both my sister and my mum had bf for a short time and then ff, so there was pressure for me to give up.

I went to so many drop in feeding clinics and in the end I got my confidence and we bf for a year.

You can start introducing food at 6 months and people tend to shut up then as they know the baby is definitely getting enough nutrition. Although saying that, around that time MIL kept asking me when I was going to stop bfing as though I was going to be someone who breast fed their child until they were at senior school! It was all very weird and this time round I refuse to listen to any of them and shall of exactly as I please for as long as I please.

DeladionInch Wed 18-Nov-15 07:09:26

"Have you got your boobs out again?"

"Are you enjoying the view?"

Or just meet everything they say with a flat stare and a "why?"

hesterton Wed 18-Nov-15 07:11:19

Can you tell them that unless they stop the unpleasant comments they won't be seeing their dgc until he is weaned - which may be some time yet.

YakTriangle Wed 18-Nov-15 07:15:00

Stop being around them. If they can't have manners about your parenting and feeding decisions, stay away from them until they learn some.

Rinceoir Wed 18-Nov-15 08:52:53

It's annoying isn't it. I mostly got it from my mother. DD is 18 months and still feeds 2/3 times a day. They've learned to stop asking. I always just answered "when we both want to stop" and beamed.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Wed 18-Nov-15 08:56:32

I got this all the time from ex DP's family with DC1, it used to drive me mad too but in the end I singly told them that how I fed my baby was my choice, and when I decided it was time to stop I would, and that there would be no further discussion on it. They has catsbum faces for a bit but did drop it smile

gamerchick Wed 18-Nov-15 09:01:53

'I find it endlessly bemusing that so many people are so fixated on my tits' with a withering look.

Or

'Every time someone brings up my breastfeeding I'm going to add another month on'

The mothership was the same with all my kids, I think she nearly combusted when I got to 3 1/2 with my youngest grin

Loiterer Wed 18-Nov-15 09:05:26

My DS is nearly 5 months, EBF and I get a lot of this. Less now actually that he's a strapping 18 pounds and feeding less often but in the early days it was constantly 'that baby needs a bottle' and classic from MIL 'is there even anything coming out' when he was three weeks old and doing that evening cluster feeding thing. I would start being a hell of a lot less polite. Other people's comments about how you feed your baby reflect lots more on them then they do on you.

Well done on your feeding thanksand to have got so far.

Skiptonlass Wed 18-Nov-15 09:41:34

i would start being a hell of a lot less polite.

Yup, me too. Shut it down. Every time. If you want to be passive aggressive about it try something along the lines of "it's amazing how much advice has hanged since the seventies isn't it? I mean so many people weren't supported to feed then, so much bad advice was given, but of course now we know that..."

I'm a scientist and I find a great technique to shut this kind of shit down is to put on my smiley innocent face on and go into a very technical and excruciatingly detailed explanation of exactly why they are wrong Use as many anatomical terms as possible. Fil should be squirming at about the five minute mark.

Stand your ground - you're doing absolutely great smile

spillyobeans Wed 18-Nov-15 09:56:20

Skipton yes i will try this, i did try before, explaining id been to see a bf support worker and she said x y z and thats when he said " you need to make am informed descision " - as though being informed was to not listen to the experts...crazy man.

I did try and beat him at his own game the other day when he thought he was being funny. Me dh mil and fil and sil in coffee shop and i needed to feed ds, so i did and fil aaid "what would you do if that made me un comfortable" and i said well you can leave then - all very jokey but he was a bit catsbum after haha.

Oh yes the 'is there anything coming out' remark... ive also had ' hes only doing it for comfort' - why would that be a bad or wrong thing? And (as ds is a bit squirmy on the boob, usually when tired) 'hes looking for proper food, try baby rice' hmm its all very missinformed and patronising isnt it...

TillITookAnArrowToTheKnee Wed 18-Nov-15 10:03:08

I have no patience for this shit.

Id be eye rolling and saying "This again? Youre really boring me now."

Or

"Opinions are like arseholes, everyones got one, yours is full of shit."

I am not a nice person sometimes.

tiktok Wed 18-Nov-15 10:14:28

Absolutely out of order. They need to stop now. Making comments on your parenting choices will otherwise continue, and of course it is none of their business.

Your Fil's investment in this is rude and creepy.

Don't take it as a joke. Don't try to joke back. Don't let them get away with bad behaviour just because they have a smile on their faces when coming out with this shit.

Next time, just say 'these comments and observations have to stop'. Keep a straight, poker face. If they come out with a 'but.......' Just repeat. 'I've explained. I am no longer tolerating it.' If they say 'well, what do you mean?', you can add 'I no longer want to be in your company if you persist.'

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