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Very demanding 14.5month old, help teaching "nursing manners".

(10 Posts)
Milkyway1304 Sat 18-Jul-15 17:04:11

My DD will be 15 months next week. She's always loved to breastfeed, and was very slow to take to solids but over the past few months she's taken brilliantly to eating, and we had settled into a nice pattern of 2 feeds a day+one at night when I am working, and probably 3 a day +one night feed on my days off. Over the past two weeks she has become increasingly demanding, constantly pulling at my top, trying to pinch my nipples, and wanting to breastfeed constantly when we are together. This is generally fairly acrobatic and not relaxing (apart from the evening feed). She gets extremely upset and whingey when I refuse and try to distract her. It's starting to ruin our time together, as I feel I can't sit down in her presence, read her a story or play with toys. She is eating much less when I'm about too as she wants milk instead which is upsetting me also as we had such a hard time weaning.

I had been doing "don't offer, don't refuse" as a gentle weaning tool but I have no idea how that would work as she constantly demands it. I have a week off next week with her, and was really looking forward to it, but now I can envision spending the entire time getting out if the house to try and distract her instead of enjoying it.

Has anyone been there? Any advice???

ClunkyBoobster Sat 18-Jul-15 18:37:22

Yes. Ugh.

My 19 month old is a boob fiend. I really thought that by 19 months we would be down to 1-2 feeds a day but it is pretty much boob to sleep, boob to wake up, boob when he is thirsty, boob when he is hungry, boob when he is bored, boob when he is overwhelmed, boob when he is injured.

Anyway, I feel your pain. If I try the distraction technique it works temporarily but he doesn't forget, he just asks again whenever we are done doing whatever I was distracting him with.

So I have been there but I have not got much advice.

When did you go back to work? Maybe there is some sort of development leap now? I think maybe if you are determined to keep the nursing sessions fewer then you will have to deal with a grumpy toddler while you refuse until you are happy to feed again. Otherwise, maybe try limiting the nursing sessions by saying "ok, but only until I count to 10" then count to 10 and stop the session? You can also try saying things like "milkies are sleeping" or whatever you call them. I know your baby is a bit younger than mine and a few months ago I would have thought you were daft suggesting things like that as at 15 months he didn't really understand much but I think they understand more than they lead on.

It is hard bloody work nursing a toddler. wine

Milkyway1304 Sat 18-Jul-15 19:01:54

Thanks Clunky, it is hard! She's such a lovely, affectionate baby normally.

I went back to work in March so I don't think that's it, although I have been doing night shifts the past week/this weekend which probably doesn't help. I'm also more tired and therefore less tolerant I suppose! Developmentally she's gone from crawling to walking well over the past two weeks, so perhaps that's a factor too. The annoying think is she can ask nicely- she can sign, and can say banban (we say bainne, which is the Irish word for milk- thought it would be a better thing for her to shout in London than boobies!). She just chooses to maul me instead! I think I'll try the counting thing, maybe give her a soft toy to cuddle at the end of the feed?

I don't know anyone in real life going through this. I have a good friend still breastfeeding her 18 month old but she has never demanded milk like my DD, even when they were younger. So I really just have my mother exclaiming that I should have stopped at 6weeks like normal people, will be feeding at the school gates etc etc, which means I can't even talk to her about it.

Milkyway1304 Sat 18-Jul-15 19:05:04

I meant to say, I could deal with the increased frequency if it wasn't the associated behaviour- the pulling my top up/down, twiddling and screaming if asked to wait.

ClunkyBoobster Sat 18-Jul-15 19:21:43

My boy like dive bombs for my breast and will tug/pull/stick his hand down. He can be very aggressive!! He often signs "milk" then "please" or says "muuu plllllease" <<< How can i say no to that!?

I try to remind myself that 15-18-24 months is still very little. They seem grown up and older now but really they are still babies and they just need their mummies.

Try to enjoy your week off with her. Maybe nurse more frequently but try to keep them shorter(?)

I hope to feed for a while yet but I do have my days where I feel D.O.N.E. with it.

Milkyway1304 Sat 18-Jul-15 20:03:57

Thanks Clunky, your little boy sounds lovely. I do love feeding most of the time. When I come in from work in the evenings she is so excited, and has a lovely relaxed feed, often stopping to plant a kiss on my face, which is adorable. It's days like today where she's aggressive, pulling at my clothes, pinching etc that bother me. For example I got home at 10am, fed her, played with her til 11, slept until 3, and dragged myself up to spend more time with her- and she just wants to maul me!

By contrast she and her father went to the playground, fed ducks, played in the garden and read stories. And she ate breakfast and lunch for him! I suppose she's just being a toddler and testing her boundaries.

Baffledmumtoday Sat 18-Jul-15 20:09:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MinesAPintOfTea Sat 18-Jul-15 20:11:06

Refusing when yyou don't want to or she is being overly demanding is fine. I stopped nursing DS on damand at about that age, just refused unless it was one if the three feeds I was happy to do.

He's now 3yo and still bfs 2 nights out of 3, and is happy gradually reducing. If I hadn't reduced to my terms I would have stopped completely by 18 months.

ClunkyBoobster Sun 19-Jul-15 05:13:04

Oh yes, as MinesAPint has said you won't be damaging her by refusing at this age! I just generally choose the path of least resistance - when I know a bit of boobie will make him happy, I generally comply as it isn't worth the miserable, sobbing, angry toddler that occurs if I don't give in. He is still little, he is still little, he is still little...

And Milky my boy does those mid nurse kisses too, melts my heart every time. I think he can sense when I am so close to being over it and then he goes back to being a sweet little nursling for a few days. (Same with his sleep). It is like he is trying to break me, takes me to the brink and then brings me back again. brew brew brew

Baffledmumtoday Sun 19-Jul-15 09:46:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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