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Lost confidence in myself breastfeeding

(21 Posts)
Anotheroneofme Fri 17-Jul-15 08:26:21

DS is 7 weeks old and ebf. He was jaundice at first and on day 5 had phototherapy during which he wouldn't latch so was given bits of formula and expressed bm in a bottle but after the 8h in the light he carried on latching and all was well. The hospital also noted his birth weight down wrong so cmw suggested formula top ups for his weight loss even though from his true birth weight he hadn't lost that much. I just carried on bf as well as trying to give expressed milk but I was rubbish at expressing so left him on the boob and he just gained tonnes and was doing well. The week before last he gained 11oz! This week he only gained 3oz. The hv in clinic was not concerned and congratulated me on how well I was doing.

However here's the crux of it- my mum is and has been insistent on me giving him a bottle (formula). Now logically I know I'm bfing fine and ds is great. But when he won't settle she says 'well if you just gave him a nice big bottle he'd be fine'. If I've been up more than once in the night to feed its 'give yourself a break and give him a bottle'. I don't have anything against ff but I can't be bothered to do it myself, bf is so easy. But she's making me feel inadequate. When ds had only gained 3oz she said 'maybe it's time to use a bottle'. Why?!

I don't know why I let it affect me when I know I'm doing fine, hv congratulated me on his progress etc. can anyone just reassure me that 3oz this week following 11oz the week before is fine! And that I'm doing well at bf because logically I know I am. Thanks

EmMcK Fri 17-Jul-15 08:48:50

You know you are doing what is right for you and your DS, and you are also doing a great job, well done on 11oz! Thats quite some weight gain grin
People will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have an opinion about your parenting; it will be how you are feeding your DS, it will be whether your DS is wearing a hat or not wearing a hat, it will be if you choose to use a dummy or not, etc etc etc. Its a tricky one when it is your mum or a family member, but just stick to your guns and do what feels right for you. Like you, I was ebfing my children because I found it easier, but I did use dummies which caused my mum to do this face hmm . I had to remind myself she was my mum, not an oracle, and that she probably made decisions raising me that I wouldn't have agreed with.
Enjoy your breastfeeding, its a super lovely time x

LionWings Fri 17-Jul-15 09:01:39

You're doing great and what is best for your son. My mother was the same and I wish I hadn't let her get to me - you don't want to be looking back with regrets. Unfortunately it's not their fault, just what they were wrongly led to believe.

avocadotoast Fri 17-Jul-15 09:10:46

I have a 7 week old too smile

Honestly, ignore your mum. It sounds like you're doing great. I've had a couple of people inexplicably ask whether I'm going to give DD a bottle, or whether I've tried her with one - I don't get it! The people that have asked have been older (DH's grandma, a family friend probably of similar age). I think depending how old your mum is she could be of the mindset that formula is best for building babies up. I was reading something that said in the 1970s the breastfeeding rate was only 28% in the UK, and that included babies who'd only been breastfed for a very short amount of time.

Of course you want to listen to her, she's your mum. But you're a mum now too and nobody knows your baby better than you.

BreeVDKamp Fri 17-Jul-15 09:14:11

I could have written your post, even down to my DS being 7 weeks too! Except the most my DS has ever gained in a week is 5oz. So I'd say you're doing amazingly!! We're giving 1x 4oz top up a day, preferably EBM but even lactation consultant said to give formula if I can't pump enough on the odd day. DS went from a not 90th centile at birth down to 9th now.
I'd say you're doing fantastically!!!!!! Well done! You can do it smile

BreeVDKamp Fri 17-Jul-15 09:16:11

*about 90th centile ...

Anotheroneofme Fri 17-Jul-15 09:19:01

Emmck thank you and you're right, mums aren't oracles but mine would like to think she is grin

Lion thanks glad to know it's not just me!

Avocado ah that's lovely, it's hard going isn't it at this stage! I'm just at a loss how to nicely say to her that we are fine how we are!!

Micah Fri 17-Jul-15 09:19:20

My mum was exactly the same. Every cry, every whimper was "maybe your milk isn't good enough, it's time to try a bottle".

Ignore it. You're doing so well. It's entirely normal for bf babies weight gain to slow down a bit now. As long as he's happy and healthy, and gaining something, however small. Personally I'd stop weighing now, much less stress all round!

If it helps I also had a friend with a baby the same age. She bf for 7 weeks, then gave in to her mums pressure to move to formula. She really, really, regretted it. The baby still fed frequently, only now she was making up 2oz bottles every hour. Baby still cried, everything was exactly the same as when she bf, only with the expense and hassle of bottle feeding. Plus the stress that baby wouldn't take "a nice big bottle", and got lots of wind with the frequent feeds.

Ignore your mum, smile and nod. I actually started seeing less of mine, she didn't like me feeding in public, and the constant nagging drove me mad.

Anotheroneofme Fri 17-Jul-15 09:20:51

Bree thank you for the reassurance! Boobing is about the only thing I planned that I've stuck to, as the birth was totally off piste grin

Annarose2014 Fri 17-Jul-15 09:23:58

It really really really doesn't sound like you need to give him a bottle, tbh.

Besides, who died and made her an authority on infant feeding? Let me guess - she never breastfed herself.

My mum never breastfed and was downright bemused at me doing it. But at least she kept her mouth shut for the most part.

Just practice saying ".....we'll see how he gets on" in a noncommittal fashion. If she persists answer "yes, and I said I'd see how we got on!"

And ignore, ignore, ignore.

BreeVDKamp Fri 17-Jul-15 09:24:05

Haha! Well good for you. I wasn't too bothered about BFing but now I've started I reeeeally want to stick at it - it's so convenient!!!

And my birth plan never even made it out of my 'labour folder'..... Ah, the naivety of a FTM! grin

LionWings Fri 17-Jul-15 09:26:30

They were told that back then. My mother was told she was too old to have any milk and was 'allowed' to try and breastfeed once and then they said I told you so. It's actually really sad.

You just have to smile and ignore, easier said than done but she will get the message eventually.

It only gets better from here apart from the odd growth spurt grin

SnozzberryPie Fri 17-Jul-15 09:28:10

I would just stop discussing it with your mum tbh, if she is undermining your confidence. Don't mention the topic and when she brings it up, change the subject.

My otherwise sane and lovely mum once told me that the reason dd was late to teethe was because dd was still bf and everyone knows they don't get teeth till you stop. Ha ha!

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie Fri 17-Jul-15 09:33:10

Maybe encourage her to read some up to date books about breastfeeding or tell her to stfu?

You're doing really well, there's absolutely no need to top up with formula (as you know). Babies sometimes don't settle, but the fastest and easiest way to settle them is to breastfeed them ime!

worldgonecrazy Fri 17-Jul-15 09:49:35

I'm wondering if your mum is feeling a bit bad about not breastfeeding, and is trying to undermine you. She may be doing this unconsciously because if you also fail at breastfeeding, it will help her feel validated in also failing.

You know you are doing great, fussy babies are just "putting their order in for the next day", and it is entirely natural behaviour.

Good luck, do your best to ignore, though I know it won't be easy.

Anotheroneofme Fri 17-Jul-15 11:31:13

Bree I know exactly what you mean neither did mine grin

Lion that's actually really sad that your mum wasn't allowed!!

Thanks everyone you're all right she didn't manage to bf herself, she said she couldn't but I suspect she didn't stick it out long enough and wants me to stop too so she feels better for giving up! I'll have to practice a noncommittal 'mmm' ha!

She's made me doubt every think I'm doing, I'm only young and have no experience with babies so I am jittery at the best of times!

Writerwannabe83 Fri 17-Jul-15 14:11:00

It sounds like you are doing fantastically!!!

When I was BF I had three family members against it, trying to ruin my confidence, trying to make me feel my milk wasn't good enough etc and it was really hard bring around them. I got so tired of listening to their crap theories and anecdotes and all I wanted to do was tell them to f*ck off grin

It may be a coincidence or not but all three of those women had tried to BF their babies but hadn't succeeded.

I EBF for 6 months and it was a big 'up yours' to all the doubters grin DS is coming up for 16 months old and he still has a BF 3-4 times a day.

You seem to have a fantastic attitude and I'm sure things will go absolutely swimmingly for you. You have my sympathies though when it comes to dealing with negativity because it's really hard to hear the same comments time and time and time again.

Ignore, ignore, ignore grin

tiktok Fri 17-Jul-15 15:52:42

sad sad

You have hit the nail on the head - it's confidence you need! Your mum is absolutely not the person to be commenting on this at all. In fact, practise saying 'I know your ideas on breastfeeding, mum, but I have my own....I won't thank you for making any more comments about it, from now on.' And stick to that. Be firm. She is absolutely out of order, and in anyone else, it would be considered gross bad manners to keep undermining you in this way - whatever, it is gross bad manners, whether she's your mother or not!

It makes no sense to give your baby a bottle. He is doing fabulously well after a dodgy start and you and he are having lovely snuggly breastfeeding times.

Of course he gained 3 oz after a gain of 11 oz - what else would your mum expect?!

He's being weighed unnecessarily often, BTW - once a month is recommended and it should be there in your red book. Weekly weighing is not helpful.

If you really can't bear to tell your mum where to stick her stupid ideas, then at least be firm in explaining you don't want to hear them.

Anotheroneofme Fri 17-Jul-15 17:40:21

thank you! its good to hear others say i'm doing well smile i told my mum today that she needs to stop saying he needs a bottle, and in fairness to her she just agreed not to carry on saying it and concurred that the baby is doing very well smile she says herself how much he grows between times seeing him so its not like hes not growing!

Anotheroneofme Fri 17-Jul-15 17:40:23

thank you! its good to hear others say i'm doing well smile i told my mum today that she needs to stop saying he needs a bottle, and in fairness to her she just agreed not to carry on saying it and concurred that the baby is doing very well smile she says herself how much he grows between times seeing him so its not like hes not growing!

Anotheroneofme Fri 17-Jul-15 17:40:50

oops double posted grin

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