BF getting me down(7 Posts)
DS is 3 wo today. He was a big baby (10.3)but lost a lot of his birthweight (still not back there yet- have next weigh in weds). Pretty traumatic birth, in hospital (including stint in scbu) for a week. I am not quite ebf, but pretty close. I am just finding it an utterly miserable grind and need some advice/ talking round/ arse kicking. He has a crap latch (in fact the only way I can get him bf is with nipple shields, but once he is on with those, he's feeding fine). I just feel totally pinned to the sofa/ nursing chair and now my back and wrists are really sore from trying to hold him. DH does one formula feed in the evenings to give me some time to have my dinner.
My DD (3) is acting up at bedtime because mummy is stuck with the baby, and daddy just won't do. Part of me thinks tough, the other part of me feels like the worlds worst mum- all I seem to say to her is in a minute when I have finished with the baby.
I don't really know what I want here, maybe just a rant- I am being a bit ridiculous as I never really got bf going with DD and I beat myself up for ages- I would have killed to have been able to keep it going like this for as long as I have now. Maybe some advice on. Latching him on without the shield. I keep trying, but he doesn't seem to be able to get enough boob in his mouth. I know what should be happening, it just isn't... I can't make it to the bf group this week, and to be honest, none of the mws/ hvs/ LCs have managed to sort out the latch issue thus far just said keep trying him without the shield. It is currently the only way I can keep bf.
God, this is whiny and self indulgent. Does it get easier? Please?? I think if I can just get to weds and if he is back to his birthweight I may feel better about this. I want to be able to do things again, not spend all my days stuck inside feeding and watching shit telly.
DS is a fab little baby though, utterly gorgeous, and hilarious. I really just want to spend more time enjoying him and not angsting about BF .
Thanks if you've got this far. Extra thanks if you have any advice/ stern words/ grips to be handed over...
Oh ffs, that's ridiculously long. Sorry. I don't really have anyone to discuss this with.
It really does get easier! The first six weeks I was glued to the sofa feeding constantly. I was desperate to stop but took it a day at a time. I now miss that time!!!
Have you tried some different positions to make it more comfortable? I used loads of cushions and pillows to start! In terms of the latching issue a lactation consultant is the best bet but you say you've already seen one?
With the toddler could you get her to do story time downstairs? Or as soon as baby stops feeding ask your DH to hold the baby. It won't be forever, they just feed loads at the start to get the milk in. Well done for getting this far. I promise it gets soon much better!
I'm sure it'll get better. Was going to say about different positions too. My DS can't get a good latch when we're sitting up, but side lying down is fine. if you're lying down you also get one free hand which might help with the toddler? good luck!
My bf midwife said to me about 3 weeks in after leaving NICU, that baby will tell you when they don't need the shields. Just use them, when he's a bit bigger worry about it them. We used them for 3 months and then one day I just forgot and he latched fine.
The first 6 weeks for us were the pinned to the sofa ones, then it started to get easier
Totally agree with pp, the first 6 weeks were really tough and lonely for me but then something just clicked and it became such a wonderful and easy thing to do! You will get there, in the meantime just try and take as much help as you can and give yourself a break. It sounds like you are doing a really great job!!
First of all: YOU ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB. With both of your babies. Absolutely.
Secondly, it totally DOES get easier. BF is really hard work!! REALLY hard! There's the pain, the uncertainty about amount, not to mention the frequency. Foof! It's tough. So if you've gotten this far, and using shields (which I found too difficult, btw!) then pat yourself on the back.
You DO NOT need an arse kicking. You need a medal and a box of milk tray! I have found bf super hard work with my 3mo DS. He is a hungry little boy and feeds at least every 90 mins. No exceptions. Used to feed just twice a night - now every two hours! Remember growth spurts will put a huge demand on your feeding time as well. But it's normal. What you are feeling is also TOTALLY NORMAL. Don't beat yourself up. It took me a good 8 weeks before I could say he was latching well. Remember they are learning, too. <3
Do what works for you and for your family and do not ever compare your experience to others, or even that of your first child. They are all different :-).
It does get easier. I know you feel stuck to the sofa, I am very familiar with that feeling right now. Have you considered going out for a walk and maybe a little al fresco feed? A change is as good as a rest, sometimes.
Anyway, gotta go. Gotta get boobin' again!
Keep at it, mama. You're doing great things ;-) xxx
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