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HV made me feel like a massive failure. Can I ask advice re FF and weaning?

(31 Posts)
SellMySoulForSomeSleep Wed 28-Jan-15 15:06:37

I went to get my nearly 8mo DD weighed today and asked the HV re weaning. My DD isn't really interested in food. I've tried purees, blw, tried her with everything I eat but one or two spoonfuls/sucks and she is done. She will drink water though.

Since 6mo I've been introducing formula and food while reducing bf . This week I've finally managed to go completely to formula which I'm happy about as it will make my life a little bit easier.

DD was very colicky and woke every couple of hours, the only way i could survive was to co sleep and bf. She seems to be sometimes stretching to 5-6 hours at night but wakes up crying a lot and i have to rock her back to sleep.

I've managed to end up giving her about 5-6 fl oz of formula every 4-5 hours while awake, this has carried on from bf because she was always a snacker. About 8floz at bedtime then about another 8floz through the night.

The HV said I have to stop feeding her at night because it's my fault she wont eat during the day. She said i need to go cold turkey and let her cry it out which i'm not happy with or if i'm "soft" start watering down her milk so she eventually wont want it. She made me feel stupid and that I'm harming my DD.

I'm going to start taking a note of exactly what formula i give her and what time of day to try and make a routine and hopefully get to a level that works for my DD.

Wow, long post.
I was just wondering if anyone could tell me what their 8mo had in FF and roughly what times of the day/night?

Oh and any good meals that they really liked?

Thanks very much.
flowers cake

Booboostoo Wed 28-Jan-15 15:37:58

I thought food was supposed to be for fun until 1yo and many babies of that age need milk, whether bf or ff, at night. I would ignore your HV's advice on this to be honest.

TheEagle Wed 28-Jan-15 15:42:34

I would also ignore your HV on this point.

My DS was very slow to take to solids - he was teething for ages around the 6/7 month mark and just didn't want anything but BM.

My HV said that I'd "missed the window of opportunity for introducing solids" to him confused which was obviously a load of nonsense!!!

Lots of babies feed at night for ages. DS only stopped feeding at night when he stopped BFing at 13mo!

Just keep offering solids and one day DD will Hoover them up smile

Sorry can't offer advice as to ozs and feeding but someone knowledgable will come along after me I'm sure!

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Wed 28-Jan-15 15:57:04

Thanks very much. I feel a bit better already.

sliceofsoup Wed 28-Jan-15 16:07:20

Please don't water down the milk. That is terrible advice. While your DD is not interested in food she needs the formula. Once she starts eating more you gradually give her less formula.

My youngest really didn't take to food at all until she was around 10 months. Just keep offering her with no pressure and eventually she will try more.

wintersdawn Wed 28-Jan-15 16:13:55

Any food before a year is play and exploration, offer everything you eat whenever you eat and she'll take it if she feels like it, you'll suddenly realise you aren't getting anything to yourself and she's eating a good variety. My DS is two in a couple of months and he still has a massive milk feed first and last thing at night which I know HV don't agree with but he still eats everything I put in front of him and most of what his sister leaves given a chance.

At 8 months from memory both of mine weren't feeding in the middle of the night but where being topped up around 10 as I went to bed and up at 6 for another full bottle. Think it's different though if they are used to bf rather than always ff as they tend to snack more on the breast than if they've always just had bottles - maybe wrong as mine were ff only.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Wed 28-Jan-15 16:43:27

Thank you. I didn't like the idea of watering down the milk at all. She has cut her first tooth this week so that is making her even less interested in eating.

Aherdofmims Wed 28-Jan-15 20:45:20

How many adults do you know who exist solely on milk? None I would imagine. Your baby will get there with solids in her own time. Hv seems a bit daft to me.

Trooperslane Wed 28-Jan-15 20:47:38

Sorry op.

She's a total dick.

Trooperslane Wed 28-Jan-15 20:49:07

Sorry, that was short but HVs like that do my nut in.

I bet you're doing totally fine op.

And how much food would anyone want when they're cutting teeth and feeling shit?

Ignore x a million

JassyRadlett Wed 28-Jan-15 20:50:17

That's terrible, terrible advice.

To the point where I'd consider complaining about her and asking for a new HV if you have to see one again.

OriginalHugsy Wed 28-Jan-15 20:56:49

My HV also gave crap advice and at 4 months she told me to wean my dd whilst not even checking Her age she presumed she was older and then back tracked. There is no right or wrong way of doing anything ive found. I still did an odd night feed up to 11 months and my DD also was a slow eater but now at 14 months she quite likes her food. Oh and try not to stress about it too much and just be consistent if you can. Good luck

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Wed 28-Jan-15 21:44:19

Thanks very much all, I've calmed down a bit now and don't feel as upset, I blame the hormones.
trooperslane that is why i love mumsnet. To the point :D

It was the woman that was in charge of the weigh in. My friend told me to complain but i can't be bothered. On a side note my actual HV annoys me. She does all that simpering and head tilts when she asks a question "so how are yooouuuuuuu?"

Good point about she is not going to be just milk when she is older.

I'm still going to try and set a bit more of a routine but I'm a lot more relaxed than i was this afternoon.

Thanks again.

DixieNormas Wed 28-Jan-15 21:51:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuckyLuckyMe Wed 28-Jan-15 21:54:21

Oh advice like that makes me want to scream. How is that helping anyone?

Do what your gut is telling you SellmySoul. You have your DD's best interest at heart.

TheEagle I snorted when I read your HV's "missed the window of opportunity" comment as I got an image of a middle aged person in a suit drinking BM and it hurt my infected ear grin

TheEagle Wed 28-Jan-15 21:59:53

Sorry for hurting your ear lucky!!!

DH and I often quote that back to each other as we watch DS (now 15mo) gobble up his dinner grin

GingerCuddleMonster Wed 28-Jan-15 22:35:54

never water down fotmula shock it even says on the bloody box it could make baby unwell, what a twat!

DS is 6mo (pfb) and night feeds are not going to stop any time soon, he still wakes every 2-3hours for a feed, 4 hours on a good night, that's just how he is, luckily my HV is "normal" and just shrugs her shoulders and says unlucky you, you must still feed him if he wants food. well obviously I'm not going to starve DS hmm shock and to be honest if my HV even suggested it I'd have a few choice words for her.

Your doing fine, baby will decide what baby wants, it's as simple as that and you just have to supply it, as hard as it is sometimes.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Wed 28-Jan-15 23:21:43

Water down formula? WT actual F?

Is your child underweight and giving serious concern or just not meeting your HV's perception of Gina Ford style volumes of solids?

If the former then food/ milk intake might be worth tracking and reviewing. If the latter then Er No!

Take a look at baby whisperer websites and Gina Ford too. They'll give you an idea of possible structures to your day in terms of milk/solids. Then you need to trial and adapt. Neither of my two would eat any solids in the morning if they had milk first thing. Slow and purgatorial process. So went straight to Weetabix then milk and never looked back.
At 8 months if you have a baby scoffing one meal a day with enthusiasm I'd consider it a success. Caveat - I have two girls, I have yet to meet a parent of a boy with a lack of enthusiasm for solids

elQuintoConyo Wed 28-Jan-15 23:28:11

My DD is 3, still has some milk.before bed or first thing in the morning!

Honestly, solid food is just fun at that age. Let your DD squidge banana in her hands and feel the consistency - safer than play doh! Most of DD's food ended up on the floor at that age, as each food made a different 'splat' noise as it hit the floor!

One day you'll turn round to grab some wipes, or something, turn back and realise you're missing a sausage <speaking from experience>

Sounds like you're doing great Sell and fab NN.

zipzap Thu 29-Jan-15 06:55:31

Blimey - is the woman in charge of the weigh in actually a HV? I only ask as I know the one at my doctor's surgery wasn't, she was one of the receptionists who sat there with delusions of being a HV who ticked people's name off on the register (don't get me started on that) and who had a massive argument with me when I wanted to weigh my baby with his clothes on eager than naked (again, dont get me started...)
If that's similar to your set up then she shouldn't be dispensing advice, even moreso as it's such bad advice!

I have 2 ds - first one never got the hang of bf, happily guzzled gallons of formula and then milk from a year. Tried the purée thing and it was slow but eventually got there. He slept through from about 6 months, if not before.

Ds2 took to bf and used to have 2-4 feeds during the night until he was 3 - tried lots of things to cut down but it never worked. He also refused all attempts at purées and eating until he was well over a year old - whereupon he grabbed a crust from my plate and he was off, self-started blw - so long as the food was on my plate! The trouble was then getting him to eat off his own plate rather than mine but within a few months he was fine having his own plate and eating it - and he is much more adventurous with his food than his big brother.

Just remember that your baby has read none of the books or outdated HV manuals and has no idea what she is supposed to be doing - she's just doing what feels right for her. Follow her lead and she'll start eating in her own good time. Maybe if she gets to 3 and still only wants milk you should start to be concerned - but at 8 months thats still within the range of 'normal' for kids not yet started to eat. Some will want to start sooner and others will want to start later i- and you have as much control over that as you do over whether they have loads of hair at this age that's already been trimmed several times or just a tiny bit of fluffy hair that won't see a scissors for another year or two... You wouldn't worry about the hair, so don't let the HV (if she was one) freak you out about this.

(and being very nosy I realise so no need to tell me - but did you stop bf because you and your dd wanted to or was it something you did or at least started to do because your HV said that you should? If it was something you did because you wanted to then that's fine - but if it was on the say so of a HV, then if you do put in a complaint then please add that into your complaint. It sounds like the sort of advice I can imagine them giving, given what you have said on here --jumping to massive conclusions I know--)

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Thu 29-Jan-15 11:35:07

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams She is sitting in the line between 75th and 91st centile although it's dropped slightly from two months ago. She is proper chunky so i don't think weight is a concern. HV mentioned nothing about her weight.

zipzap The lady was writing out a prescription for another baby as i was getting DD dressed so i assume she was a HV. I'm not sure though.

Regarding the bf i stopped because i want a little bit of freedom and for ease when i go back to work soon. The main reason is my DH hardly does anything to help and with me not bf he can do his fair bloody share (But that's a whole other thread)

I'll have a look at the websites recommended for routines.

Last night she had 8oz at 8pm ish, was screaming by 12pm so gave her 5oz. Gave her 4oz at 5.30am which wasn't settling her so gave her another 2oz.
Gave her porridge at 10am and she had 2 spoonfuls (sigh) then 2oz at 10.30am

She normally has 6 or 7oz each time she screams and has tears, even giving her less last night didn't make her want to eat.

To be fair that's pretty standard times for waking up. One night she guzzled 10oz at 8pm ish and didn't want feeding till 3am.

Thanks again for all your replies.
brew cake

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Thu 29-Jan-15 15:23:58

Hmm - I'll get pilloried on MN for this but I'd go cold turkey on feeds after midnight if you want to stop BF, she's a v healthy weight and you want to get some sleep. It won't happen immediately and there are always weeks where they are poorly or teething when milk is the only answer but your first step [in my opinion only] is to can the overnight feeds and let her make up the nutritional difference during the day.

Porridge or weetabix at 7am, then some milk. She'll have a full bottle but she'll also eat a little more porridge especially if its milky. I'd concentrate on breakfast, then lunch. End of day they are tired and grizzly and even at 2-3 yrs it's often the worst meal of the day in terms of consumption.

DH helped me with DD1 to stop the overnight feeds. Didn't have much choice as I went back to work and had to travel overnight on a regular basis grin, with DD2 I found it easier to end the overnight feeds [dream feed only as she was a dream second child to be honest] myself. Once they know you are in the house, in my experience they don't take no for an answer until they hear it from you.

In an ideal fluffy world we'd all feed them whenever they want it but in my experience it's best to crack the overnight feeds before you go back to work or you are just the walking unproductive dead.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Thu 29-Jan-15 15:24:27

Cold turkey on formula at 3am, 5.30 am too.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Thu 29-Jan-15 20:32:56

I've stopped bf so its formula at night. This might be a really dumb question but what do i do when she is screaming and hyperventilating wanting milk in the middle of the night?
Do i just have to let her cry? I Rock her and shush her back to sleep when she stirs and cries, it's only after about 4-5 hours after her last bottle that she cant be rocked back down, she gets really upset.
I rock her to sleep for her naps as she can't self settle or she sleeps when she is in the pram/car seat but she is always fed then.

I just assumed that she would grow out of wanting milk at night but no luck so far.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Fri 30-Jan-15 22:58:35

Sorry, bad week at work. She's a bit old for dream feeds but given how frequently she wakes I'd try this:
bring forward her bedtime so she has milk around 7.
Lift her out at 11.30 or get DH to do it preferably and give her 7oz
Then you do the overnight wake ups and sorry yes, you have to let her cry.not bawl for hours on end though.
Read up on controlled crying and take baby steps. She's still too little for most of it.
If you can cosleep from the 3,5am wakings it will make life easier.
Set an alarm and get her up by 7-7.30 for weetabix
It will be knackering but you should see a difference in 2 weeks

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