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Feel such a failure

(39 Posts)
squizita Thu 27-Nov-14 11:54:35

My DD continues to gain weight very slowly. She started and held the 25th percentile for the first month, but was just above the 9th at 7 weeks and at 9 is just below the 9th. She was 4.15kg 2 weeks ago and only 4.35 (though I swear it wobbled between 4.35 and 4.4 and the assistant wrote the lower) today.

I spoke to a good experienced hv today, who checked my latch, checked dd's health and said she was fine, my bf is good and so on. She told me they would just monitor but it might be she is a naturally lean baby. She said NOT to top up ... If (and they're not yet) top ups were needed I should use breast milk as mine is plentiful. She just said come fortnightly she has seen many cases like mine and usually they "find their line" and are just naturally small.

Which sounds reassuring but I just feel so crushed like a failure who cannot feed my child. sad

AnnoyedByAlfieBear Thu 27-Nov-14 12:13:32

Dd has gone from the 25th to the 2nd. HV advised formula top ups. She is 8 weeks today and stayed on her line she'd be 9lb 11oz. She is 8lb 1oz. sad
She looks healthy and alert but dh agrees with hv. It broke my heart as her latch is great and she was feeding loads. I wanted to wait til she found her line but the world and his wife are against me.

No advice but I know how you feel. sad

squizita Thu 27-Nov-14 13:30:37

Have you tried ringing the number and getting a 2nd hv opinion?
I had an inexperienced hv a fortnight ago, now just spoke to a senior one who was less worrying. Much more laid back and indeed told me NOT to ff top up as it can reduce supply. She suggested I express during nap time and DH can gI've that as an extra feed - or having some more restful days just hanging out eating and feeding ( as much for me as baby).
If you get a more laid back hcp they might suggest more bf friendly solutions.

squizita Thu 27-Nov-14 14:59:11

...I spoke to some mates who had similar. Most were monitored and eventually it was decided their babies were just small if they were otherwise healthy. Fingers crossed that's the same with us!

AnythingNotEverything Thu 27-Nov-14 15:05:55

OP I don't think you've any reason to feel like a failure.

DD dropped from 91st to 75th around the same age, and this is the same drop as you. Very normal to fluctuate across one centile line.

If you want to get more milk into her, increase the feeds if you can, but honestly this looks entirely normal. She's well within the 3-7oz a week rough guide to weight gain. Your milk sounds just fine.

ReluctantCamper Thu 27-Nov-14 15:11:59

I had good advice from a friend-look at your DC's head circumference. My DS dropped from the 99.9th line to the 50th, but that's where his HC is, so friend said don't stress, and he is now tracking that line.

squizita Thu 27-Nov-14 15:45:08

Thanks. Have a GP appt (unrelated ) tomorrow - will ask them to measure. Hv actually said some smaller babies she measures instead of always weighing as it can tell a more reassuring story!

squizita Thu 27-Nov-14 15:59:01

Anything Yes she's gaining 3 1/2 oz a week - I didn't realise that 3 oz or more a week was OK. That's reassuring!

She nurses every 2 hours and some times of day hourly - good powerful feeds! At home I think I'll offer hourly anyway (and whenever poss out and about - ironically the health centre is worst for BFIng as there are few seats in the waiting area! In town I just go to Costas!).

AnythingNotEverything Thu 27-Nov-14 19:27:02

3oz a week (on average) is plenty. It doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. She's just a small baby.

mrsjohno Thu 27-Nov-14 23:02:50

I've been reading this with interest as DD2 who had a thick posterior tongue tie divided but still has poor suck has gone from 50th to now just below 9th at 8 weeks (obv different to you, squizita, as doesn't sound like any prob with your baby - assuming they've been properly checked for TT which is common cause of slow weight gain?)

I read on kellymom weight gain on average should be 5-7oz - so I'm interested that 3oz is ok (as DD2 achieved that this week)?

I've also just read this in my quest to improve weight gain here - you might also be interested if you haven't already seen: kellymom.com/health/growth/weight-gain_increase/

Def don't feel like a failure - you're doing an amazing job! Another thing you might find reassuring is the book 'Help my child won't eat' by Carlos Gonzalez - lots about what is normal growth and weight gain in different babies and children.

squizita Fri 28-Nov-14 02:26:44

She was checked in hospital and has never had discomfort feeding - good powerful suck - also tracked her line from birth to 6 weeks then dipped.
Tongue tie would surely be there from the start?

mrsjohno Fri 28-Nov-14 03:50:09

My DD was also checked in hospital but it was missed as posterior so harder to identify but also I'm not sure midwives/ docs/ HVs etc well trained in recognising them. It might be worth going to a local bf cafe If you haven't already or seeing an IBCLC somehow? If you're in London PM me and I can recommend?

Also my DD put on a fair bit of weight for first few weeks but it wasn't until my supply began to regulate that her weight gain slowed (my oversupply had masked her poor suck and my supply regulated quickly as I'm still feeding my 2.5 yr old - who btw went from 75th percentile at birth to right on the 50th at 4 weeks and then climbed back up to between 75th and 91st at 14 weeks where she's stayed ever since - that was just her)

If TT hasn't been investigated by someone in the know, I'd definitely have it ruled out - and if it is causing the problem it's usually fairly easily rectifiable.

Good luck smile

OpenSandwich Fri 28-Nov-14 04:01:54

Dropping a centile isn't anything to worry about . The baby is still gaining weight. Sometimes a cold etc can cause a dip, sometimes it just happens. If the baby continues to move down the chart, then they should look to see if there is a problem.

Having a smaller baby does not indicate a feeding problem in itself. Somebody has to be at the lower end. My DS1 settled out just below 2nd centile and has been there ever since (he's now 5). He's just petite and exactly as he's meant to be.

Wonkyparsnip Fri 28-Nov-14 05:22:41

I was also going to suggest another tongue tie check. I was told I had a great latch. Baby fed often. Went from 50th- 0.2. Most traumatic 20 weeks of my life. Turns out she had tongue tie. You are not a failure!

squizita Fri 28-Nov-14 05:45:56

I'd there is a physical issue such as tongue tie are there any other signs eg poo/wee, fussiness?
Her wind is average, loads of heavy nappies, 1 or 2 big mustardy poos the consistency of thick gravy or custard daily.

I have local rl support via the nct and can ask their lady to check. Will do next meeting - thanks.

SparklyReindeerShit Fri 28-Nov-14 05:53:51

Squizita, sometime you need to look at the bigger picture. If she hadn't been weighed and you went by her health, wet and dirty nappies, alertness, amount of feeds etc would you be as worried? Is it simply the figures you're worried about because if so then she's just a petite baby and there is nothing wrong with that!
If you were worried about any other aspects then definitely look at other options such as top ups with pumped milk but at te minute I really think you need to relax. Not all babies are meant to be on the 50th centile line (hence the whole range of the chart). Honestly, you're both doing fine. Relax and enjoy it a bit more. smile

Innocuoususername Fri 28-Nov-14 06:35:07

Good advice from SparklyReindeerShit. The chart shows the position of your baby within a statistical distribution. As such only one baby out of 100 will be on the 50th centile, and somebody has to be on the 9th!

Both of mine hovered around their lines, some weeks above some weeks below. As a PP said, sometimes a cold could through them off.

Also, make sure that the HVs are using the day 10 weight as their starting point for comparison, rather than birth weight which is not a reliable bench mark. They generally do, but I had one try to tell me that DS had dropped a centile about 6 months in hmm.

By all means get some reassurance around the feeding, but I think if your baby is otherwise doing well I wouldn't worry.

Innocuoususername Fri 28-Nov-14 06:36:44

throw them off. Feeding a baby very early!

DrinkGirlsFeck Fri 28-Nov-14 07:05:21

My DD was 99th centile when born and over 6 months drifted gently down to the 9th. She gained about 3oz per week, was happy, meeting milestones and now is 3 and will be one of the smallest in her school year and a force to be reckoned with. But then her grandmothers are both tiny and she's simply taking after them. DS on the other hand put on 8oz a week for months and was a whopper. I did nothing differently. DS just needed more than dd.

It sounds like everything is going as it should and that you're doing a grand job.

squizita Fri 28-Nov-14 08:38:45

Sparkley I think it's the slow drop (which I know looks more permanent as it's been done every 2 weeks not monthly and might not be a long term trend). They're not sure if it's a blip, finding her line or a problem.

I have her (late) 8 week check up today. I am going to ask them to measure her (head and body), check for tongue tie and also any ailments like oral thrush which can go unseen but affect growth.

squizita Fri 28-Nov-14 08:40:29

Drink smile FX its like that with my dd. Only thing that concerns me is starting out on the 25th ... she'll end up the size of a Borrower gaining 3 oz a week!

mrsjohno Fri 28-Nov-14 08:55:37

Agree with all the above that it is most likely nothing to worry about but as your HV said just to keep an eye on. You might find this link from kellymom reassuring: drjaygordon.com/pediatricks/newborns/scales.html

squizita Fri 28-Nov-14 09:39:22

Thanks MrsJohno I might print and keep that!

The answer to all those questions in the link it 'yes' especially her sharp little killer fingernails poking mummy's tummy affectionately.

SparklyReindeerShit Fri 28-Nov-14 10:10:15

Squiz, she's still very 'new' and is more than likely just finding her line. They don't spring straight to it and honestly, you'll drive yourself mad if you worry over all the little things! Get all the checks done then relax and enjoy your gorgeous little girl smile

Kerkel68 Fri 28-Nov-14 12:32:00

I had appointment with hv on Wednesday, my 14 week old has gone from 50th - 9th (11lb 14) and they referred him to gp. He has tongue tie but it's never stopped him from breastfeeding. I know how you feel cause I left there in tears. Gp is happy with his health and suggested supplementing feeds with bottle. I know my baby is happy and content, he's slept through from 9 weeks. At the end of the day mothers know there babies best!! smile

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