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Bloody miserable first night

(41 Posts)
TwigletFiend Sat 15-Nov-14 02:57:46

I am at the point of total despair.

First night home with my 48 hour old DD and she will not settle. She has been feeding almost non stop since 10, just after she obviously cleared a blockage of some kind and did 4 consecutive poos in about 15 minutes - her first since meconium during birth. We stayed in hospital because of the meconium and latch issues, which I thought had improved. But there must be something wrong for her to be still wanting to feed after nearly 5 hours on and off feeding. Latch must be wrong or supply insufficient maybe? Whatever it is, I am in tears and exhausted, going on for 22 hours awake now. I need to vent or I'm going to scream, which won't help the feeding issue at all. I feel like the worlds most incompetent mother right about now.

Cric Sat 15-Nov-14 03:16:05

This is how I felt on our first night home. It is not you. You must be soooo tired. Make sure you get some sleep whenever you can over the next few days.... You have lots to catch up on. Babies feed and sleep lots in the first few weeks but I remember it was always feeding when I wanted to sleep and sleeping when I felt awake! It takes them a little while to figure night and day. Gossip girl got me through those first few weeks! You will look back on this fondly even though you want to cry right now brew

BabyHaribo Sat 15-Nov-14 03:17:14

Don't worry vent away you are doing fine!

Feeding that much is perfectly normal for a baby of that age she's just trying hard to get your supply established. It's exhausting but you will get thru it and won't die of tiredness trust me I know grin

Just concentrate on feeding and when she does finish give her to DP to cuddle whilst you get some rest. Good luck

FastWindow Sat 15-Nov-14 03:20:40

Newborns only feed, sleep and poo for the first few days. Then they feed and sleep, feed, shit, sleep, repeat... 22 hours is not abnormal... How was the birth? You sound more than stressed, are you in hospital or at home already?

rootypig Sat 15-Nov-14 03:20:50

Totally normal - cold comfort, I know. I remember second or third night with DD, before my milk had come in, my mum taking her out for a walk at about midnight, because my nipples were agony and unless she was feeding, she was crying.

Two things will happen, soonish. Your milk will come in, and she'll start being very full and satisfied after a feed. And she'll start sleeping more in the night and less in the day. When they're first born they're wired exactly backwards for sleep, god knows why hmm

PotteringAlong Sat 15-Nov-14 03:20:55

Nothing wrong, it's completely normal. She's just putting her milk order in. Remember she won't have day and night the right way round either.

Keep on ploughing through and try and sleep tomorrow

AlpacaMyBags Sat 15-Nov-14 03:21:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

misshoohaa Sat 15-Nov-14 03:23:36

This is so normal, I was exactly the same with you for both my DCs!

It's a shame they don't warn you about the first night home, it's just so hard but it will get easier very soon! Your milk will come in shortly and she will settle down. I'm sure you will get a midwife visit tomorrow who will be able to check your latch but in the meantime just try and sleep when you can.

Feel for you though, both my children screamed the first night they were home. It was awful, my DD was especially fractious, with her I ended up expressing off a syringe full of colostrum to give her, as she was so exhausted, she kept falling asleep during feeding, then waking up five minutes later starving and was just a vicious circle. We topped her up with about 5 ml of colostrum and things settled down soon after that.

FastWindow Sat 15-Nov-14 03:26:01

Sorry, I see you are home. You said you had issues with meconium? But you are home after only 48 hours. Seems very early for a baby with problems - get help, you have been sent home too soon.

TwigletFiend Sat 15-Nov-14 03:26:13

Thanks ladies. At home, struggling mainly because every time I put her down she screams. Trying to make a cup of tea now to perk me up. Glad it's normal, was getting worried that she was starving.

Birth was ok, just quick. Arrived at hospital at 9cms and she was out 40 minutes later. Few stitches but nothing too traumatic.

FastWindow Sat 15-Nov-14 03:30:40

Have you been shown how to express colostrum? Or how to prepare formula, so baby gets a drink for now, before you breastfeed for however long you have in mind? You can do both. I did.

FastWindow Sat 15-Nov-14 03:32:11

Sounds like a second baby?!

OooOooTheMonkey Sat 15-Nov-14 03:33:08

Ah love. I remember it well, it's so exhausting. DD is 1 next week. She sleeps now (mostly wink) I am up worrying whether everything is ready for her party tomorrow!

Just what everyone else has said. Sleep when you can tomorrow, accept what help you're offered and be kind to yourself. It's going to be an emotional and exhausting first few days. brew and thanks for you smile and many congratulations on your new arrival.

TwigletFiend Sat 15-Nov-14 03:34:07

FastWindow, she passed meconium during delivery so they kept me in for 24 hours observation. She didn't poo again until this evening, when she did about 4 in 15 minutes during a bum change. Midwives were aware that she hadn't pooed again. Might ring ward just to check that isn't an indicator of a blockage in her gut.

TwigletFiend Sat 15-Nov-14 03:34:53

And no, first baby!

TwigletFiend Sat 15-Nov-14 03:38:42

I have a 5ml syringe here and have tried expressing a bit on my own, so will maybe try that if this carries on. Thanks ladies, so nice to have support thanks

BabyHaribo Sat 15-Nov-14 03:42:46

24 hours for obs sounds normal to me.

Ring the ward if you feel it might help you feel less stressed but the pooing sounds fine IMO. It takes everything a while to get moving.

DD is 4 months and often goes a while without pooing and then it all comes at once, like today - in Ikea grin.

Really hope the tea is helping, those first few days are tough but it does get better promise

rootypig Sat 15-Nov-14 04:07:45

They just suck like mad til your milk comes in and then some more. Hold tight, let her suck as much as you can bear it, and when you cat, n't your DP to bundle up and take her out for a walk - even if it is the middle of the night in November, even if she cries the whole time. She'll be fine.

I appreciate you'll probably sit by the window waiting for them to come back and call 85 times to find out when they'll be back grin but at least you won't have to BF or listen to her cry!

FastWindow Sat 15-Nov-14 04:11:51

I'm still here. Have a 4yo and a 14mo. The boy was prem by three weeks and 4 days but no one told me.. So the first 4 weeks were hell, he couldn't latch or feed properly. The child was over by 5 days... Ånd she still managed to suck a blood blister out of my left nipple. I was supposedly the expert, as this was my second... Yeh, thanks, postnatal ward.

I was saved by nipple shields.

Sorehead Sat 15-Nov-14 04:22:24

I think first nights home are always trying, regardless of feeding method or how long your hospital stay was; DS is FF and we stayed in hospital for nearly a week and my first night home didn't involve much sleep; Think I finally got to sleep at about 6am because the second I tried to put him down, DS would cry.

Things definitely do get easier!

I'm on the October postnatal thread and one thing I've found has helped (apart from moaning and sharing stories of bad nights with the lovely ladies, and gentleman, on there) was reading the September thread to see what to expect and that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Might be helpful for you to look at the October threads in the same way smile

Things will continue to get better and easier though!

TwigletFiend Sat 15-Nov-14 04:24:26

Thanks all, she is asleep at the moment but wakes up if I move her. Some sleep is better than none at all, so il take it!!

MissYamabuki Sat 15-Nov-14 04:39:11

flowers congratulations
The poos mean everything's going well.
Glad you're getting some sleep, you'll feel soooo much better after. With both of mine I found that my milk came as soon as I managed 2 hrs continuous sleep. Things are about to get better smile

Justgotosleepnow Sat 15-Nov-14 04:42:17

Hi op another person saying it's normal to have a screamy baby when you get home from hospital. Don't know why no one tells you this, it's totally normal it seems. It makes you feel like a failure. Which is shit. Considering you have just given birth and are exhausted and stressed out.

Some Breastfeeding info-
You have enough milk.
You are producing colostrum at the moment. Highly calorific and priming the gut. Baby by constantly latching on is priming your body to make breast milk. This is normal.
When your milk 'comes in' you will notice. Your boobs will get bigger, may leak and you may feel 'let down'. This is literally the milk being made and flowing through the milk ducts. Can be quite tingly.
You have enough milk.

From the baby's point of view they were warm, totally supported in water, it was dark, whooshy noises from your body.
Then they were squeezed out into a new world that is comparatively cold, bright, air rushing through their lungs, it feels odd not being in water, strange noises. It must be terrifying.

Solution- cuddles.
When they are latching on they are getting comfort from the warmth of your body, you are supporting their body and they are getting food.

You can replicate this by doing extreme cuddling aka biological nurturing.
Take off baby's baby gro, take off your top half clothes. Put baby upright on your chest in a nappy. Put a soft blanket over both of you and lie back. That bit is key. Get oh to make a pillow nest on your bed, so you can lie back doing this cuddling. If she falls asleep make sure you are all propped up so she can't roll off, in case you fall asleep too. Which is totally natural.

Your oh can do this too, so you can get some sleep, if you don't want to fall asleep cuddling her, and take turns sleeping.

I hadn't heard of this, so what we did was DH do a bouncy walk around with blink 182 on the iPhone playing, bizarrely the only thing that settled her. I feel sad I didn't know about extreme cuddling, I'm sure she would have liked that.

Bf shouldn't hurt. If it does the latch isn't right. There are reasons for it not being right, but you need someone to see what you are doing, to check it. (It can be tingly/ stingy for up to 20 secs at the start, but not excruciating)

I advise you to call the Nct bf helpline when you can, and they will do a telephone consultation. And hopefully tell you how to get an in-person consultation.

It's worth getting the latch checked again. Ime Heath professionals don't always know bf facts. Even in hospital. Its just too easy to give formula, when that is a quick fix, but doesn't get to the root of the issue.

Hope that info helps, you are doing great, congratulations on your new baby! Hugs

icklekid Sat 15-Nov-14 04:51:37

Also it is so normal for babies not to want to be put down at this time. Have you dp or family who can help? You need sleep to? Possibly not straight away but a sling which allowed me to have both hands to make/drink tea saved me!!!

icklekid Sat 15-Nov-14 04:52:00

* sorry should be you need sleep too!!!

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