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Can't BF and feel hopeless?

(32 Posts)
EmeraldGreen2 Sat 23-Aug-14 17:43:31

Hi, ladies, not trying to start a fight or anything, I'd just like some genuine support. sad

At the start of my pregnancy my GP and OB both informed me that because of health reasons and the medication I'm on (for mental health, trigger subject for me I'd rather not get into it and be judged) that I won't be able to BF.

At the start of my pregnancy I accepted this but I wanted to do my research and seeing all the benefits of BF (higher IQ, greater protection against illnesses) I can't help but feel like a failure to my baby. SIL has commented numerous times on how 'advanced' her two DC (both BF) are and how it's such a shame that my little one will be 'behind'.

I'm not saying anyone who FF is a failure or anything of the sort, I just feel awful because of the promotion BF gets and the negativity FF gets most times. sad Would really like some words of wisdom on this and would like to know if anyone else has had similar problems or felt like this?


DoingTheSwanThing Tue 26-Aug-14 16:26:30

SIL is an idiot and should be put in her place (ideally by OH!).

Easy to say, but I really hope you can make peace with your situation and not let feeding method spoil the enjoyment of your new baby. Honestly, in the fullness of time it won't seem so important and you'll make many, many more important parenting decisions as the years go on.

Just to throw another option out there, have you considered donor milk? Not for everyone, but informal milk sharing (via HM4HB for example) can be a great option for some families. Lots of donors have been screened prior to donating to hospital milk banks. Lots of info online if you want to consider it.

Good luck xx

EmeraldGreen2 Sat 30-Aug-14 17:42:49

Hello, ladies! Sorry for the late reply, been so busy with hospital appointments and SIL. Honestly, I can't thank you all enough, this support and information has been invaluable to me! The links were great and very informative! smile thanks

Speaking of SIL though, DH sat her down to calmly talk about her comments to me, she didn't exactly take it very well and now refuses to speak to both DH and I ....which I'm slightly glad about because each one of you are right, this defiantly isn't an influence I want in my pregnancy. grin

My medication defiantly crosses out BF though since it is one of the particulars that can be passed on through breast milk to the baby. I've been looking into milk banking but apparently our only milk bank in Northern Ireland is running dangerously low as it is. So if all else fails I'm going to through myself into formula research about which is best, I'm leaning more toward Aptamil at moment! smile

leedy Sat 30-Aug-14 17:59:33

Do still check with Wendy Jones/the BFN about your meds - a lot of medications transfer into milk but in quantities that are negligible/not likely to cause any problems for baby (why yes, I have been on many prescription medicines while breastfeeding) - you can also get info from Lactmed but I'm not sure if it's quite as up to date.

At least you'll have the most up to date info and if it's still an absolute no no you will know you've made a thoroughly informed choice to do the best thing for yourself and baby. Apologies if you've done this already, obviously!

And yes, sounds like you're better off without your SIL putting her oar in re your pregnancy/baby if that's the kind of arsology she comes out with....

Best of luck!

PenguinsIsSleepDeprived Sat 30-Aug-14 18:58:47

I am not anti-formula at all, but just to say that there is not one that is 'best'. They are all the same. All Aptamil has is clever advertising. And posh branding.

DesertDweller Sat 30-Aug-14 19:42:27

I'm sorry but if you look around you at adults, you simply CANNOT tell which ones were bf and which ones were ff. you can however sometimes tell which adults were not hugged enough as babies! In an ideal world you would recline serenely on a day bed with shiny babies nuzzling at your free-flowing bounty from your breast while you eat peeled grapes, but sometimes reality gets in the way. Please don't beat yourself up, you love your baby and are doing the best you can!

theborrower Sat 30-Aug-14 20:08:48

Hi OP, just to reiterate what penguins said, all formula is pretty much the same, because it has to be really, it adheres to strict guidelines. Make sure that whatever brand you choose is stocked in your local shop though, it will make things easier smile

I'm glad your DH spoke to your sister in law. If she's not speaking to you, well, it just reinforces that she's a bit mad really.

lisaloulou84 Sat 30-Aug-14 20:35:03

I really feel for you OP, it's horrible having the decision taken out of your hands.

I had an extremely similar situation to culture - induction followed by instrumental delivery, and baby taken to SCBU almost straight away after he couldn't breast feed and he started to get poorly and was put on anti biotics and fed via a nose tube, then with the lack of contact and my stress, I never really produced any milk, despite various attempts to get the flow going - I beat myself up about it but it was out of my control and so is your situation.

As many others have said FF babies usually grow up I be perfectly normal as no different to BF babies. My DS is now 6 months FF from day 1 and despite hyperthyroidism which should be holding him back developmentally as his medication is still not perfect, he is flourishing! His weight is and has alway been good, he's sitting up, days away from crawling and said mummy today smile

Just know that how you interact with and raise your baby is in the long run so much more important than how they get their milk.

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