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Under Pressure to Give Up BF

(9 Posts)
LetThereBeCupcakes Fri 02-May-14 19:52:52

DS is 15 months old. We had a difficult start to BFing (poor latch) but by 2 months had sorted things out. My plan had always been "we'll get to 6 months and go from there". Friends and family were all very supportive of this.

He reached 6 months and I saw no point in switching to formula so carried on BFing. As he approached 12 months I was feeling it was time to stop, so planned to switch him to cow's milk when he turned 1.

Unfortunately it soon became apparent that he is dairy intolerant, and as he doesn't seem to like the prescription formula he's been given we are back to BFing. He usually has a feed morning and evening, plus occasionally one in the afternoon and a couple in the night. I have had to give up dairy myself but we are doing OK and I'm actually back to enjoying our BFs. However, I'm finding a lot of people are commenting on the fact that I am still BFing - I've had everything from funny looks to outright "Isn't it about time you gave that up?". Even DH thinks it's time I stopped - and has offered me a kilo bar of chocolate as a "reward" if I can go 2 weeks without BFing.

I'm feeling really down about it. I feel like I have to hide the fact that I'm feeding him - especially in the day. I'm trying to tell people that I'll quit when I'm ready but I'm running out of energy TBH. Any advice?

callamia Fri 02-May-14 20:04:24

I'm really sorry about this. You're doing the best for your child, who really can't manage alternative milks; you have the perfect thing - what else are you supposed to do?

I think I'd start by explaining your choices to your husband and telling him to sod off with his patronising rewards. You're a woman, not a potty-training toddler. A breastfeed first thing and last thing, and one (or more) if he wants in the day is far from abnormal. Is there a breastfeeding cafe near you? They will be offer you some moral support.

I think that you are doing something important and appropriate. I also can't see that is really impinges on anyone else - my six month old feeds quickly, so your one year old must be super efficient by now? It's not like you're cluster feeding a newborn!

Feel proud of yourself.

ExBrightonBell Fri 02-May-14 20:04:30

Blimey, these people are being nosy and rude. Your DH is also being a tit - I mean, offering you chocolate?! What's that about?

I would just be blunt with everyone, if they say "isn't it time you gave that up?", I would just say "No", firmly and forcefully. If they continue to ask, I would point out how rude they are being to ask. You could throw NHS and WHO facts at them about breastfeeding being recommended until 2 years and beyond.

Tell your DH that you don't want to stop, and that you shouldn't be pressured to. Get him to tell you what his reasons are for wanting you to, and see if you can work out (and challenge) what his issue is.

LetThereBeCupcakes Fri 02-May-14 20:40:57

Thanks for the replies Brighton I have asked DH why he wants me to stop and he just said "you have to stop some time, it might as well be now." He is not a very communicative person and will refuse to speak about anything he considers serious, so I can't get anything more from him. I suspect it has more to do with getting back to "normal" as he has struggled to adjust to father hood (actually - he hasn't adjusted at all - just continues to live his life as if he has no responsibilities and doesn't understand why I don't do that). I think he is also being pressurised by my father as Dad is very against BFing and will try any means to get me to stop.

Callamia he was very fast when he was younger but now I think he enjoys the snuggles and makes the most of it! A sleepy morning feed can take an hour whilst he latches on / off and dozes! I will look in the café - never been to one before!

The chocolate is because I can't have any at the moment due to the dairy intolerance - when I'm no longer feeding I could eat chocolate but how could I sit there and eat a massive bar when DS can't have a bit? That would be mean!

I know I should be stronger but I'm finding it all quite daunting - all of my friends with similar aged babies gave up BFing long ago (some through choice, some not), so I'm a bit isolated. I was so adamant I was ready to give up a few months ago but now I'm adamant I'm not! It's all quite confusing for me. I also have PND which probably isn't helping.

noblegiraffe Fri 02-May-14 20:47:09

I'm also bfing a 15 month old and it seems bizarre to me that your friends are butting in here. I don't think any of mine even know whether I'm still bfing as with morning/evening/night feeds, no one ever sees. None of them have been nosy enough to ask either, because it would be weird as it is none of their business.

Your DH is a bit more problematic. Just tell him that yes you will have to stop at some point but now is not a good time. In fact as your DS is milk intolerant, the longer you feed for the better, as when you stop you're going to have to worry about calcium alternatives.

LetThereBeCupcakes Fri 02-May-14 20:53:28

Hi noble - most people didn't know, it's just becoming more common knowledge as I've had to give up dairy and people are asking why. Perhaps I should keep my mouth shut when people ask!

ExBrightonBell Fri 02-May-14 20:54:53

You shouldn't have to be stronger, no one should be hassling you over this - it's really unfair, and given they are family members it's really not on.

My DS self weaned at about 16-17 months, and I wish I was still feeding him now! He's 21 months, and would still get benefits from breastfeeding - immunity, perfect nutrition, comfort, relaxation etc.

It may well be useful to go to a breastfeeding cafe, or a La Leche League meeting. Hopefully you can meet some allies who are feeding their similar age babies.

Perhaps you can say to your DH if he mentions stopping - "why would you want to remove a source of natural immunity, nutrition, and comfort from our baby?".

catellington Fri 02-May-14 22:13:17

I'm bf a 14 mo who bf more than ever and I have had a few comments so I am finding it hard at the moment because she definitely really needs it. I think it's a hard time because they look a lot bigger than they are mentally iyswim . People say older babies can wait etc but they obviously haven't met one like this blush

PeaceLillyDoge Sat 03-May-14 09:30:10

Tell them all to nob off.

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