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First bottle of EBM ....

(31 Posts)
Ghosty Sat 20-Mar-04 23:49:48

My DD just had her first bottle ... of EBM I hasten to add ... and I feel strangely sad, like I have been dumped, because she took to it so easily.
We decided to give it a go ... to avoid missing that 'all important window' as DH puts it ...
But I felt awful ... I sat and pumped in the other room (and pumped 7oz in 10 minutes!) while she and DH bonded in the living room with tears running down my face!
I have told DH that we will only do EBM bottles 'now and again' to give me a break because I just don't want her to get used to the bottle like DS did!
Is it normal for me to feel so gutted that she liked it so much?????

suzywong Sat 20-Mar-04 23:52:55

Ghosty, sorry can't advise about the emotional or bonding implications but hats off to you for being such a good milker! That's very fast.
I binned my steriliser today as I realised I am never going to have the time to squirt out enough to make it worthwhile, even for the occasional bottle to get DS2 (6 months) used to the bottle like you are doing. I did feel awfully guilty for a while but realisitically I just won't have the time. And he's eating everything now.

I'm sure you are perfectly normal in your guttedness

Ghosty Sun 21-Mar-04 00:04:02

Thanks for that suzy ...
I know I am lucky ... but having a lot of milk can have its downsides too .... like exploding leaky boobs just when you are doing the shopping ....

bobthebaby Sun 21-Mar-04 00:16:37

You can ignore dh and his "all important window" you know. Important for whom?

I tried a couple of times and then just told my dh I couldn't be arsed any more - why do something that doesn't need doing?

If you feel gutted then it's hardly giving you a break now is it?

Ghosty Sun 21-Mar-04 00:28:20

True bobthebaby ....
But don't you think it is a good idea just to do a couple a week so that *IF* the time came for me to stop b/fing then we don't have the nightmare of DD refusing a bottle altogether? That is why we are doing it ... just for the *IF* ...

bobthebaby Sun 21-Mar-04 00:48:10

No, she'll use a cup by herself soon enough and you are enjoying bfing so why bother? There are enough threads on mumsnet about babies who take a bottle and then suddenly stop and babies who never had one and then just get on with it when they have to, which you could show your dh.

Your dd sounds like she is a super bfeeder and it would be sad for me if I saw your name in a "my dd prefers the bottle to me" thread title in a couple of months.

My apologies is I offend you or anyone else, but I think you should enjoy her now, not try to prepare for a future event that might not happen. Especially if it is upsetting you.

Ghosty Sun 21-Mar-04 00:59:07

bobthebaby ... you have not offended me in the least ... you are being a sweetie ...
I know you still b/f bob don't you? I would love to b/f for as long as possible too but this is such a novelty for me due to the fact that DS was fully bottle fed by 7 weeks! I am so proud of myself for fully b/fing such a big baby for this long and that she is thriving and happy ...
But I am getting it from a few quarters that if I don't get her used to a bottle I will be creating a rod for my own back blah blah ...

PS ... just as a point of interest bobthebaby ... how do you get out and DO stuff - like have a haircut for example? Do you take bob with you everywhere? Not that that is a problem for me I am happy to take DD with me wherever I go too - it is not like I have to go back to work or anything like I did with DS ... just curious ... especially as bob must be coming up for a year now?

tiktok Sun 21-Mar-04 01:03:07

Ghosty - b the b is talking sense!

What is this window of opportunity? Doesn't exist!

Follow what is important

Ghosty Sun 21-Mar-04 01:38:04

Thanks tiktok ...

bobthebaby Sun 21-Mar-04 03:12:52

Yes I still bfeed bob (a year old 3 weeks ago)and don't need to take him everywhere as he has cut down a lot now he eats solid food as well. I tend to take him everywhere because he's so damn cute though!

For haircuts I used to take him and let the other hairdressers play with him and then just stick him under the cape if I needed to. Bob is extremely portable - no bottles, if I forget a snack I am carrying a liquid one at all times, no sterilising, and I can get carried away and stay out longer than I thought I would. I fed him on the Christchurch tram last week and I don't think anyone even noticed.

The "rod for your own back brigade" are talking bollocks. Since when was expressing, sterilising, remembering to take, reheating, cleaning, putting away, getting out again, pumping etc. easier than just whipping out a boob?

My mum said a couple of weeks ago - "Isn't he getting a bit big for that" as I sat on a chair and prepared to feed. I stood up and said "you're right, we need the sofa now - I'll swap you!" You are doing fantastically well and people should be focussing on that not some silly idea that bottles "have" to be introduced at a certain time (or any time).

kiwicath Sun 21-Mar-04 07:33:09

Ghosty, I popped to the hairdressers the other day and as I was having a major overhaul done, it took four hours from leaving the house to returning. Left EBM for hubby to give but on my return Jake was in tears as was hubby (almost). Very secretly relieved he wanted my booby rather than a silicone one. The way I see it is this: We have had to endure the ups and downs of the pregnancy, the tears,fears and pain of childbirth and those blasted hormones storming around our bodies - all to get this little being to where it is now. Why shouldn't we be rewarded with the joys of breastfeeding while we have the chance. Your mind and body has gone through so much already, don't beat yourself up more just because of "IF". If "IF" does happen, deal with it then. Hubby's don't have boobs - we do for the sole purpose of nourishing our little ones. The Fellas can join in in almost every other activity so unless there is a specific reason for giving him a bottle - enjoy, enjoy, enjoy

kiwicath Sun 21-Mar-04 07:38:59

Owwwh, Bobthebaby, didn't know you lived in Christchurch. I was born there but left for my big one year OE (overseas experience) 14 years ago. Got lost and now living in Egypt - don't ask!!!! Mum lives in Burnside and works at Mears Williams & Associates.

hercules Sun 21-Mar-04 09:32:55

lol btb at sofa

suzywong Sun 21-Mar-04 09:38:22

btb, you are very wise and this is just the kind of thing I want to hear at the moment - the pressure to take a bottle over the benefit of a coupld of hours break. My DS2 is taking a little water from the avent first steps cup and if we are haveing a busy day he will forgo the lunchtime BF so I know he won't come to any harm if he drops a feed on the occasion and that he can take fluid froma cup if he needs to. I'm going to try him with a playtex teat and hipporganic formula on the odd occasion and if he does great if he doesn't, no stress. He will survive

I feel a night out coming on soon

Demented Sun 21-Mar-04 10:27:35

Ghosty, my DS2 took a bottle of EBM a couple of times a week from seven weeks (exercise classes), by the time he was 12 weeks he was refusing the bottle and waiting for me to return. I think what I am trying to say is if you don't want to do it, don't feel guilty about missing any special window because your DD could just turn round in a few weeks and say, 'no thanks', there's nothing more heartbreaking than putting 8oz EBM down the sink.

I may be well off the track here but when you say that your DS was bottle fed by seven weeks, I assume you wanted to b/feed and had problems and I am just wondering if you are worrying whether your DD will take a bottle or not incase you have problems again? IME my DS1 ended up fully on bottles at 16 weeks and was always happy to take a bottle because things just didn't go right between the two of us and he found a bottle easier/more satisfying. With my DS2 however it was different, the b/feeding was going well, he was satisfied by it and wasn't going to be palmed off with any bottle, even if it did have EBM in it.

I was still able to have the odd night out once he was a bit bigger (a couple of times I still expressed and left EBM but of course he wouldn't take it), when I wasn't there he didn't seem bothered about a b/feed and was happy to have a supper instead, yoghurt & a drink of water or a piece of fruit & water.

Basically if you don't want to express, don't do it.

prufrock Sun 21-Mar-04 12:04:43

Ghosty I was a champion expresser, but I only did it because I enjoyed it, and enjoyed having the free time - particularly when dh would do late night feeds so I could sleep. But despite having had bottles from 7 days, there were 2 or 3 times when dd just refused a bottle for no reason and wouldn't have anything but Mummy. So ignore the "window of opportunity" stuff.
I saw expressing as like everything else thatGF advised - if it helped me, I'd do it, and if it didn't, then why bother. It was useful as it meant I had the freedom to go out, or have too much to drink, and know that my baby could still drink only breastmilk, but I think your suggestion to only do it now and again is the perfect way to go. Believe me, you won't feel quite so gutted about her prefering a bottle if it means you can have a lie-in the first time you have a hangover

mears Sun 21-Mar-04 13:45:27

Well done Ghosty for breastfeeding so well. If you want to express and give EBM, do so. If not, don't. I personally do not think that there is such a thing as a window that you must get the baby to take a bottle in. A baby will either take from a bottle or won't.
I did not go back to work with DS 1 till he was 7 months old and he took a bottle of juice now and again. I knew he would take EBM when I was away if he needed.
I worked part time with the rest of them and a bottle of EBM was only given when I wasn't home. I did not give any on a daily basis to get them used to a teat. My philosophy was they would take t if they were hungry enough.
You have seen that she will take a bottle happily. I didn't feel gutted when mine did the same. I just thought, sensible baby
Do not stress yourself over bottles and EBM. I was glad I was able to express and have milk in the freezer for emergencies, but I always breastfed as the first option. I would take my babes to the hairdressers or any where else I was going.
I think a more important skill to learn when breastfeeding, is that you can leave your baby for a few hours without the need for them to be fed. That in itself takes the pressure off.
Well done Ghosty, you are doing brilliantly

Ghosty Sun 21-Mar-04 20:34:05

<<Ghosty looking coy and blushing .... >>
Aww ... gee ... thanks everyone .... I am clever aren't I???

elliott Sun 21-Mar-04 21:00:18

Hi Ghosty, just to say that when I gave ds2 his first bottle (myself) when he was about 5 weeks, I was also strangely affronted to see him glugging it happily down as though there was no difference between that and my soft snuggly boob....
I have to say I have been expressing and giving a bottle about twice a week (and it takes me AGES, I've never managed 7oz in a whole day let alone one sitting!), don't know why really, partly to allow me to go out occasionally and partly so as not to stress about bottle refusal later (I will be going back to work by around 6 months but starting some studying in the next few weeks). Like you though I am nervous about too much bottle being a slippery slope so I don't do it more than every few days. Agree with everyone else though, you don't have to do it, and you can still get out (I've been out in the evening lots of time and he's never needed the bottle I've left...!)

newbymum Sun 21-Mar-04 21:17:37

My darling girl nearly 7 months had her first ebm bottle today to and I did feel the same as you ghosty, though not quite for the same reason, my partner had been on at me since I had the baby to exspress some of so he could feed and bond as well but I didnt want to, But like you I have actually come across that if, I'm going in for a little bit of surgery it'll take a few hours and the doctors have said that they wouldnt advise breestfeeding for about 24 hours after so I'm doing it more out of nessesity that wanting, It'll be the first ever time I've left her as well since she's been born I've never not been in the same room as her. She did take it first try put I hadnt exspressed enough (as I'm doing it by had it took me half an hour just to do 2oz so you can imagen how hard it is to fill a bottle!)so it wasnt really a success, but I found my self really happy that she did still need me and that I wasnt exspendable!! Maybe if you dont like doing it Ghosty you could try other ways your DH could bond that didnt take your bonding time away from you?

bobthebaby Sun 21-Mar-04 22:52:15

Newbymum - I've just had surgery and was allowed to feed as soon as I left recovery. It's worth checking again.

tiktok Sun 21-Mar-04 23:12:27

Hardly ever any need to suspend bf because of surgery - after all, mothers feed almost immediately after a general anaesthetic for a section....and that's a newborn, not a 7 mth old!

Also - this thing about partners needing to feed to's mystifying, sorry! Fathers can bond in all sorts of ways with their babies.

newbymum Sun 21-Mar-04 23:42:41

Sorry to hear about your surgery BTB I'll ring them in the morning and look in to it!Cheers. xx

Ghosty Sun 21-Mar-04 23:47:57

Newbymum ... sorry you have to have surgery ... hope it all goes ok ... Hugs
I was going to have surgery 2 weeks after having DD as I had some retained placenta (didn't happen in the end ... too much risk to c/s scar ... so they monitored me and it came out on its own) and no one said I couldn't feed DD afterwards ...
On the expressing front ... I find that if I express early in the morning ... that is when I get the most out ... There is no way I could do 7oz at say, 5pm ... Try expressing straight after the first feed and do both boobs ...
Also ... I find the Avent Isis hand pump fantastic ...
Tiktok ... I hear what you are saying re. bonding and fathers ... it is just that DH really bonded with DS (he did much of the bottle feeding) and I think he feels he is missing out ...
He really enjoyed feeding DD yesterday ... loved it in fact ...
BUT ... I have told him categorically that bottle feeds will have to be by strict necessity ... I say this because I so much love breastfeeding DD and she is doing so well that why spoil a good thing?
Thank you everyone for all advice here .... feel better now

bobthebaby Mon 22-Mar-04 00:17:40

Ghosty, I'm just interested - did your dh also do most of the sterilising etc?

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