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I'm really cocking up breast feeding here

(51 Posts)
Loopylouu Mon 31-Mar-14 14:34:06

5 day old dd.

I she latches on ok but can be on the breast for two hours. She's hardly getting a thing, she's getting very frustrated with me. Am topping up 1 or two night feeds with a bottle as she gets angry and frustrated and I need sleep, I can't feed her 24 hours a day. She has a bit if jaundice too still, paediatrician and midwives said to top up on one feed.

I can occasionally see bits of colostrum on my nipple, but I can't hand express anything. Had a go with an electric pump today but it was crap, hardly any suction (tommee tipee closer to nature electric pump) and only a few drops on the suction cup.

She gets so frustrated that she wares herself out crying and sometimes falls asleep instead of feeding.

What am I doing wrong?

I feel shit as well as I can take or leave breast feeding, it's not something I feel strongly about. I have a much older child who I couldn't breast feed as he had a few problems at birth, he's grow up very healthy on formula. I'm only doing this as dh feels strongly that breast is best. I keep thinking that if I formula fed I'd enjoy my life with my baby more rather than constantly feeding and worrying.

Ruralninja Mon 31-Mar-14 14:42:12

sorry you are having a hard time - can I recommend the website it's a really helpful site.

Ruralninja Mon 31-Mar-14 14:43:35

& by the way some people just can't express - its really not a reliable indicator of how much milk you have

fruitloop84 Mon 31-Mar-14 14:45:26

Calm down, you are not doing anything wrong, your doing a great job! . Breastfeeding is tough in the early days, but it sounds to me as if your milk hasn't come in yet. You can't really express colostrum, there just isn't that much but it is enough for baby. Are your boobs hard?

the more she feeds from you, particually at night the more it will stimulate milk production. Skin to skin can help too, try taking her to bed and having a lovely cuddle and a feed. Make sure you are drinking plenty too. But go easy on yourself, you have a brand new baby and day 5 is always tricky with hormones etc, when your milk comes in it should get easier.

Good luck and congrats on your lovely nee baby!

fruitloop84 Mon 31-Mar-14 14:47:52

Sorry I didn't read the last paragraph properly, breastfeeding should be your choice, of you don't want too don't feel pressured by anyone.

Loopylouu Mon 31-Mar-14 14:53:04

She's getting so sleepy though as she's not feeding enough.
She falls asleep at my breast.

My breasts feel no different to how they have always done. Still soft.

I'd love nothing more than to just go out and buy some formula, four hourly bottle feeds sound like heaven at the moment, but I can't.

I'm exhausted and I wouldn't mind if bf was my be and and end all, but it's just not. I look at my strapping, healthy, formula fed pre teen son and think why the hell am I doing this to myself.

jennyl131 Mon 31-Mar-14 14:53:39

rest, rest, rest.

Then rest some more.

Top up your iron levels and eat like a horse. It took 5 days for my milk to come in with dc1, turns out I was anaemic and I'm sure that didn't help.

Meanwhile I was stuck in hospital with her as she was losing weight (actually at no point did the hospital suggest top ups, but it was run by the breastfeeding Gestapo a breastfeeding friendly hospital). Eventually they tried to get me using a hospital grade electric pump, I think I managed about a teaspoon. Once the iron supplements kicked in my milk appeared, she started to put on weight and we got to go home.

Breastfeeding turned out well for us in the end, but it's really easy to underestimate how much energy (physical and mental)it can take. DH's support is great but he needs to support you & if breastfeeding really isn't for you he needs to support you in that too.

Ruralninja Mon 31-Mar-14 14:57:54

This is a link to the right bit of the kellymom website

AnythingNotEverything Mon 31-Mar-14 14:59:52

Welcome to the day 5 hormone crash! We've all been there. It's pretty grim and will pass. Try some cake wink

Has your milk come in yet?

I second the pp. Expressing is no indicator of supply.

What makes you think baby isn't getting enough milk? It's not uncommon for babies to feed for hours - they are stimulating your supply, a bit like putting a note out for the milkman.

Are you getting plenty of wet and dirty nappies? Is baby's poo changing colour? Those are better indicators of whether enough is going in.

I know you must be shattered, but feeding baby directly at every feed is the best way to establish your supply. It's completely up to you whether you continue to feed, but DD is 5 months now and I can promise it gets so much easier. The work is all up front with bf but after a month or so it becomes second nature.

Congratulations on your newborn.

AnythingNotEverything Mon 31-Mar-14 15:01:25

Also, I've nothing against ff at all, but beware the myths - not all ff babies are on four hourly feeds and sleeping through!

wrapsuperstar Mon 31-Mar-14 15:01:37

Breastfeeding, once established, is bloody great and was definitely worth the effort to me (we had every problem in the book including low supply). The benefits are undeniable BUT it sounds like you are feeling pretty miserable.

As others have said, it is great that your DH is such an advocate but ultimately this is a choice that you have to make. By all means, if you want to give it more of a go then seek some help. Don't be afraid to make a nuisance of yourself with midwives/health visitors, it's their job to support you so call and call until they put you in touch with people who can advise properly on what the problem might be. Peer support can often be invaluable too.

At the end of the day, you need to make the call as to whether you want to push through, see if you can crack the tricky early days, or make a switch to formula. Just don't feel bullied or pressured in either direction. Good luck. flowers

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 31-Mar-14 15:03:01

If you want to use formula use it. Your dp will of course have an opinion and that's a good thing but he any possibly know how hard it is and how much your hating it and I'd your babies not actually getting much and if she's getting jaundiced and sleepy then she's not getting enough right now. It's your body ultimately it's your decision. You've just even through child birth and he has no right to demand anything from you right now.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 31-Mar-14 15:03:54

Excuse typos my iPhone can't keep up. Sure you can figure out what it's meant to say blush

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 31-Mar-14 15:05:45

If he told you that yor not to have any drugs in child birth in case it affects the baby you'd have different responses. This is no different really.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 31-Mar-14 15:05:55

If he told you that yor not to have any drugs in child birth in case it affects the baby you'd have different responses. This is no different really.

Loopylouu Mon 31-Mar-14 15:09:15

She's having wet nappies and had poo'd. It went from the sticky brown/green stuff to chicken korma/mustard seed poo yesterday (only way I've ever been able to describe it, sorry!).

When I top up with a bottle at her night feeds the poos thing guzzles it like she's never eaten before.

I don't care if it sounds selfish, but I don't want to be feeding her for hours. Dh would think I was selfish if I told him that. He was aghast that I said I'd feed for six months maximum, he thought that was awful (his oh so wonderful mother who can't do a thing wrong bf him and his sister until they were 3. Bully for her).

I really enjoyed ds baby days, but all I can see stretching in front of me with dd is endless feeding and being trapped inside like a prisoner (I have busts boobs, there is no such thing as discrete feeding for me and I am not going to do it in public or in front of friends/family).

BertieBotts Mon 31-Mar-14 15:12:50

You should formula feed if you want to. Your DH is not the one who has to do it. There's nothing wrong with it.

If you want to stick it out it sounds possible. If you're still getting colostrum then your milk probably isn't in yet. Look up "Marmet hand expressing technique" as this is the best way to express colostrum, a pump won't work as you only produce about a teaspoonful at a time.

If she is jaundiced and sleepy, then you really need real life help - it's not fair on her to keep going, as your instincts are screaming at you! If you've got no milk in by tomorrow then it might indicate a real problem with milk production - 5 days is normal, but at the far end of normal. Did your milk ever come in with your first child?

Loopylouu Mon 31-Mar-14 15:23:03

I expressed for ds as he was in scbu and I was under huge pressure from the nurses to bf.

I tried to bf him, but he was 2 weeks old by the time I could try as he was tube fed. He couldn't latch on, was losing weight and we were stuck in hosptal. finally a lovely dr asked me if bf was what I really wanted - I said no and she handed me a bottle. Ds was gaining weight and at home within three days, I never looked back.

I had a lot of milk with ds. I could express a shed load in 15 mins with the electric pump at the hospital. I had to wear breast pads from early on (it was 12 years ago, memory is sketchy). I've not had to go near a breast pad yet.

ILaughWhenPeopleFallOver Mon 31-Mar-14 15:27:34

If you really don't want to bf then don't, its your decision not your dps.

findingherfeet Mon 31-Mar-14 15:29:50

I'm right there with you but my LO is a couple of weeks older...I successfully BF my eldest girl but it was a hideous painful/time consuming and sleep free time to get to the point where it gets easy....but it does if you persevere!

I am only continuing with my boy this time round because I know this (and similarly under pressure to 'do right' by my husband)

Establishing BF is not at all easy in my experience and you are doing great, all sounds entirely normal...I feel same that I don't have time to constantly feed with another little one to look after and have also been topping up with formula but last few days my son has been able to take more and seem more settled after a feed so haven't needed to offer a bottle as often.

Don't be hard on yourself, your baby is tiny, your milk will only just have come in, it's an exhausting time which will get so much better but if you want to formula feed then do, it isn't poison (despite what the BF militant health visitors might say) and the most important thing is your baby and you are happy.

clippityclop Mon 31-Mar-14 15:32:19

Stick with it! Nothing to add to the great advice above but good luck, relax and go with it. Drink lots of plain water, eat well and enjoy the special time.

Loopylouu Mon 31-Mar-14 15:43:59

But I don't find it a special time.

I just find beast feeding incredibly boring and tiring. I had more special time with ds. My first thought on waking this morning was "for fucks sake, another day sat there with my boobs our doing nothing".

I don't know what to do.

Dh is out getting ds from school. He said something earlier about his mum not finding it hard so he doesn't understand why it's not happening properly. It's all I can do to stop myself sending him a text saying 'why don't you get your perfect fucking mother and her wonder boobs down to feed her then if she's so bloody fantasic'.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 31-Mar-14 15:48:15

I really feel for you op

thanks what exactly will your do do if you go and get yourself some formula? Unless he owns a pair of breasts and can take over I really don't think it's fair he makes you feel so bad about it.

highlove Mon 31-Mar-14 15:56:25

Just a thought - I had to do some top-ups as DD wasn't gaining. I thought that the way she guzzled bottles was evidence she must have been starving. A brilliant BF counsellor told me not - when they're this tiny and have been BFing it's just about the flow from the bottle which they struggle to slow down. And from the sound of her nappies,, she's getting something.

I found BFing almost impossible to start with. In fact further down you'll find a thread from me entitled 'desperate and on the verge of giving up'. I wouldn't say we've totally got it cracked but she's now three weeks and we've made massive progress and I'm just starting to feel we will get there with it. Five days is really early yet. everyone else has said, it's your call. If it's really stressing you out and stopping you enjoying these precious first days, then go to FF. And DH will have to live with it. Maybe show him this thread?

tiktok Mon 31-Mar-14 16:35:55 there anyone in your life you can really talk to?

On day 5, things can look very difficult and even scary, but you sound angry. For your waking thought to be "for fucks sake, another day sat there with my boobs out doing nothing" indicates a skewed view of are keeping your little dd alive and that's not 'doing nothing' sad sad

You need to feel supported and loved, and then you will feel able to make the decision that's right for you.

Hope you find the right person to share your feelings with, and that you get support from your dh. Seems to me that a starting point would be to think why your dh is calling the shots it this that's making you angry? That he has strong feelings and he expects you to share them?

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