Hi,
I'm a regular on here, but have name changed for this post, sorry if it's a bit garbled, but I have my DD(3) playing up and also I am very confused and emotional about this post.
With my DD I formula fed her straight away and didn't even attempt to breastfeed. The thought of having her suckling on me was repulsive to me (sorry, but that's how I felt, I don't have any issue with anyone else breastfeeding and I'm not trying to be inflammatory). I am sure that this stems from my childhood. While what I went through was by far not the worst, when I hit about 10 (puberty for me) my father started to get very inappropriate with me, i.e. grabbing at me, watching me bath etc. I don't know of this constitutes sexual abuse because of how minor it was compared to what others have suffered, but it used to make me feel very vulnerable and unsafe and has led to various mental health problems in my life. I have never got any help for this, mainly as we don't have the money for private counselling.
Anyway I hope that provides enough of a background, if not I will try and elaborate on it. To the main point - I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with our second DD and I am starting to wonder about breastfeeding. For one formula has become even more expensive than when we had DD! It was also very tricky to feed DD when out and about, though of course it is possible. Anyway it is now something which I feel that at least I would like some more info on, as I have no clue about it at all.
I'm not sure what I am asking for really. I guess any info about breastfeeding, how it works and is done etc. Also if there is anyone who has gone through similar issues to myself and who has managed. I am worried as to me my breasts are sexual (I know, I know, please don't shout at me!), and due to the nature of the abuse I'm worried about the sensation of breastfeeding. Also I am planning to go back to my MsC course in October, so is breastfeeding still viable with how soon I am planning to have baby in nursery (1 day a week)?
Also what differences would I experience with this baby after having bottle fed our DD1? Again I'm sorry if this is inflammatory, but will the baby be less settled, have less of a routine etc?
Thanks for any help and info, I feel like I am totally in the dark over this. I have no idea where to start, or if I even want to breastfeed.
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Infant feeding
Breastfeeding after childhood abuse
11 replies
ConfusedAndStressed · 26/03/2014 16:56
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