How on earth do you leave the house???(44 Posts)
Hi all, new here but a long-time lurker.
I have a 4 week old DS who is ebf. He's got some trouble with gas and we're still trying to get our heads round, well everything really - he's not the greatest sleeper and can be quite fussy at times. I had an emcs that I'm still recovering from and haven't left the house much and not feeling very confident - actually downright anxious. For example yesterday I went for a short walk with DS In his pram, took dog and my mum for moral support. I made sure DS was not 'due' a feed (roughly 2-3 hours at this point) and checked to see if he was hungry before he left - he had a quick snack but just seemed sleepy, so into the pram and off we went. 10 mins into the walk he started screaming, ended up going to my mums that was fortunately close, where he fed like a demon for an hour! I found it all really stressful and I'm worried about e.g. how will I get to my 6 week checkup? I see and read about people going out shopping, meals, baby clubs etc with their LOs but I feel like I will never manage any of this! When I was pregnant I imagined peaceful afternoons in cafes with friends and just feel so anxious and confused. Am I alone??
my dd feeds all the time, about every 2-3 hours, but it'll be more often if she wakes early. It means I can't go into town without having to stop and feed her. I just go to a cafe, get the cheapest thing in the menu and fed her.
She will usually sleep a lot longer in a sling.
Have you tried a dummy? That usually gives me a bit of extra time if needed.
You can feed your baby anywhere and most places have nappy changing units. It is daunting at first but you get used to
being late everywhere it.
You are not alone - those first few weeks are hard for all new mums, even those who have masses of support.
I think the best thing you an do is get to a breastfeeding support group, by whatever means necessary, so you can meet other people, perhaps with slightly older babies, who have gone through the same thing.
It is possible that DS is picking up on your stress levels, so if you can express a feed or two and give yourself some time off, even for a coule of hours, you may start to feel more human again, and less like a milking machine.
I found a small glass of wine in the evening did wonders for my mental attitude too - again it was about feeling like a human being.
In a couple of months you will be one of those relaxed women, enjoying a coffee with friends and babies too.
I could have written your post a few months ago and I've got no real advice other than IT DOES GET BETTER! Honestly.
In the meantime you could try expressing a few ounces? Or even some formula? I didn't like expressing but if I knew I was going somewhere it would be difficult to feed or I wouldn't feel comfortable I would take a bottle.
And you will get much more confident with your bf as time passes and you will care less about where you are/ what people think.
Just remember this too will pass!
Hi kahlo no words of wisdom here really but wanted to say I am wondering the same thing! I combination fed my first DD and moved fully to ff at 8 weeks and it was always easy to whip out a bottle wherever we were. This time I'm trying to fully breastfeed and wondering how I'll get out and about without my army of support cushions and also manage to latch etc without over exposure! I am sure I have heard that bf babies do settle into a more predictable routine by around 8 weeks. I'm sure more informed folk will be able to advise though
Just wanted to add that marks and Spencer's often have feeding rooms and most clothes shops will let you use their fitting rooms if you ask!
You'll do it. It will become less arduous and less scary.
Feeding in the waiting room before jabs or being weighed was a pretty routine thing for us - but it was a safe place to try it, and it was ok. I think about six weeks, I could feed pretty much anywhere - I was more bloody minded, to prove to myself that I could get out and do things, but I knew that I could always go home again if I wasn't quite happy. One of the best things about bf is that you can feed anywhere - you just need yourself. You'll get used to positions that don't need cushions, it gets easier as your baby gets bigger and more able at feeding too - you're both learning.
I also found that if I left him with my husband while I went out for an hour, he wouldn't be searching for food. He would on me, but not on my husband.
I agree try feeding somewhere quiet like the park at first where people walk by. It gets easier- good luck
My babies were much happier in a sling than a pram when they were tiny. They are cuddled up close to you and will just sleep and sleep as you walk.
With DS1 I started by going to baby groups at children's centres, as they are guaranteed to be bf friendly - so you can practice public feeding in a safe environment. Once you've done it a couple of times it'll be much easier.
Agree with the suggestions of a sling and a dummy - always got a much longer gap then. I have a close caboo sling which is perfect for newborns.
Seconding the sling. The moment I realized that DS1 would stop squawking and fall asleep literally the second I took him out in the sling rather than the buggy was truly wonderful. He eventually got used to napping in the buggy but the sling was a total Godsend in the early weeks.
Also seconding that a)babies get a bit more predictable after the initial feedfest and b)feeding out and about will become second nature.
Thank you for all the replies - you're all lovely
You're right worldgonecrazy I should get to baby club - it's just a bit scary the first time. If I can get some advice on breastfeeding while I'm there it would be great. I managed to express some milk last week but little man wouldn't take it from the bottle - we need to try again but I'm struggling to get a chance to express again. DS is hard to settle during the day - he wants to be on me all the time, I think it's the whole 'fourth trimester' thing, plus discomfort from gas means he doesn't want to lie down. I have got him in the Moby wrap now which is a godsend, but not conducive to pumping milk.
As regards the sling, he does seem happier in it than in the pram but I'm just wary in case it comes untied or something while I'm away from home! I take it you other sling users can reassure me that's not the case? I promise back on Planet Earth I was an intelligent and rational person
My dd is ebf and. 11 weeks
We have very little support family or friends with children
It is very hard at forst but honestly it gets easier
Dont feel bad if you only make short trips to shop etc at first,literally 5 mins walk
At 5 weeks we got the ergo sling which she loved and allowed me to make slightly longer trips
Now she is loving the pram which gives me more freedom still
Dont rush,she is still very small
I would disagree with others suggesting ff - be careful about messing wuth your supply at this stage.
You are doing really well! Its bloody hard
We could never get on with sretchy sling, but bet its good around house. Recommend the ergo if you want somethibg more structured,and lasts til theyre bigger
I agree with you Josephine - I'm very reluctant to FF. It's only been 4 weeks so supplies are presumably still being established properly. I will look into the Ergo carrier, thanks.
I also meant to say well done you Josephine with no support - I am in awe. I have plenty of support but still completely flummoxed!
It's ok to be a bit afraid
of everything. I almost cried when getting on a bus with DD for the first time. I was terrified of hypothetical yobs and unkind passengers.
My only tips are;
- to always pack your bag to go out when you get back in - that is then always ready to go.
- breastfeeding cover - so you can feed comfortably in a cafe with a mgazine/kindle
- try to not do too much, it will take your body a lot longer to recover than you could ever think
My DS is now 16wo and has been in a pram precisely 3 times! We've just moved from a stretchy to a Mei Tai, but either is generally guaranteed to make him sleep. I've done hikes and shopping trips with him in the sling, no chance of him falling out! I usually have his 2.5yo brother in his buggy so I have to be confident he's comfortable and secure in the sling as I couldn't carry him and he couldn't go in the toddler's buggy. As far as feeding goes, try discreet feeding methods at home, it gets so much easier! I'm starting to wean my boy onto bottles now in preparation for me going back to work, but I hate bottle feeding him when we're out as it's so much easier to bf! Plus he'll only take a bottle if it's verging on hot, meaning it have to find somewhere to warm it. Boobs have the advantage of producing the right temperature every time!
Now the weather's getting nice, could you walk to a park and feed baby there, leaning against a tree if there's no suitable seats? Also any large clothes shop will have seats in cubicles and let you use them. As time goes on you will get a sixth sense for detecting thenearest convenient changing place, comfy place to feed, etc.
At 4 weeks I was just venturing to the nearest shops and tried my first feeding in public, in a cafe booth with ds propped on the table - not recommended for back reasons but did the job and let me enjoy coffee and cake after! A month later things were much better - just take it slowly!
Notcitrus you've made me feel better you were only just venturing out at 4 weeks too
I wouldn't suggest expressing or a bottle at this stage - it will be easier to find confidence in the long run.
I echo the suggestions of finding a breastfeeding support group, it's a good halfway house towards feeding in public. If you see other Mums breastfeeding in the room it's far easier to do so yourself.
It's also a great way to meet new friends, other Mums in the same situation. It can also really help to go out for coffee with another breastfeeding Mum or two, breastfeeding in public is less daunting if a friend is doing it too.
I know it seems daunting to start with, and most of us felt the same, but it gets easier a lot quicker than you imagine. Before too long you will be eating lunch with a fork in one hand, and breastfeeding at the same time.
I have been breastfeeding for a total of nearly eight years with my children, and there are very few places I haven't breastfed.
You have the right to breastfeed your baby wherever you like, be in in the street, on a bus, in a library, church, cafe. No- one has the right to stop you.
Just do what you have to do - a very wise friend said to me " tomorrow's another day" and that's how I've survived the last 7 months.
We had a big settle down at 6 weeks and another massive one at 12 weeks.
Agree with pp that you must sort changing bag when you get in. Sometimes there is a very small window of opportunity to get out
before dd screams like she's being murdered and makes herself sick
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