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can I be a militant breastfeeding bottle feeder??

(11 Posts)
joanna0211marie Sat 01-Mar-14 20:50:12

I only ebf my dd for 2 weeks after she was born but she was born with an unusual tongue tie and no one had spotted it after near daily trips to the midwives and each time being told it was me latching her on wrong but every time someone watched a feed they couldn't see anything visually wrong with her latch so being told to go home as the pain would only last another couple of days, it just kept on getting worse to the point where I was screaming into a pillow and kicking my legs in the air everytime I latched her on to feed, both breasts had blocked ducts so I had mastitis in both then thrush in my boobs and on my nipples as the cracks were enormous to the extent where they looked like they were just hanging on, the day I stopped was the day I made my dd cry because I'd frightened her with my latching on scream and thought I can't do this anymore! I had no information about expressing so my boobs were ENORMOUS, and we've been on formula since, although the very small amount of milk I have left I squirt on her morning weetabix :-), and I hate formula and will always resent my desicion to give in, I push breastfeeding on all my pregnant friends but aren't sure whether they see me as a hypocrite. Am i?

Indith Sat 01-Mar-14 20:54:36

No you are not a hypocrite. You are someone who has dune their level best to bf despite being badly let down by those who should have been able to help you. You have done a great job in giving your dd add much milk as you could for add long as you could. You will be s great person to support friends t through those tough early days in the future because you, unlike those of us who have it easy with our first, will really understand what they are going through and how bloody hard it can be.

joanna0211marie Sat 01-Mar-14 21:01:12

Thank you, I feel extremely let down by my health professionals, it was always the plan to ebf on demand until dd decided to stop, I didn't have any bottles or a steriliser as bottle feeding wasn't an option, I ended up with post natal depression after I stopped, I believe it effects your mental health if you have bonded with your baby in such an intimate way to have it stop suddenly, someone bought my very pregnant friend bottles, formula and a steriltiser for her baby shower and I've taken them to my house to remove the temptation, Its a long haul in the beginning but gets easier with time......I assume

Madratlady Sat 01-Mar-14 21:03:14

My ds' s tongue tie was only noticed at 5 weeks after noone in scbu checked and neither did the jv despite me telling everyone that we couldn't bf at all. I have been expressing for 11 weeks so far and mix feeding. I also feel very strongly about bf even though I can't.

Madratlady Sat 01-Mar-14 21:03:52

My ds' s tongue tie was only noticed at 5 weeks after noone in scbu checked and neither did the jv despite me telling everyone that we couldn't bf at all. I have been expressing for 11 weeks so far and mix feeding. I also feel very strongly about bf even though I can't.

Madratlady Sat 01-Mar-14 21:04:41

Oops double post

Liara Sat 01-Mar-14 21:11:51

No, you are not a hypocrite. You are a very clear example of why more resources need to be allocated to supporting new mothers who are establishing bf, and as such you can be a useful advocate of them.

beachesandbuckets Sat 01-Mar-14 21:14:01

I think mothers need to be kinder to themselves and others. Don't beat yourself up for another second, you tried your hardest, it didn't work. End of. Trying to continue to do something which is causing serious physical pain is pure craziness. Enjoy the healthy happy baby you have got. Fwit my opinion is that the word 'militant' should never been used in the same sentence as 'breastfeeding'. Just wrong. Nor should anyone ever try to 'push' a certain type of feeding on anyone else, especially something as personal as the way a mother wants to / able to feed thei baby.

Madratlady Sat 01-Mar-14 21:19:35

Did you say anything to the midwives about how let down you feel? I still keep thinking about how let down I feel by both the lack of bf support and them not checking for tongue tie in scbu. It has taken this long to get iver not being able to bf (ds refuses the boob as he got too used to a bottle) and I still feel sad about it at times.

tiktok Sat 01-Mar-14 21:33:32

sad sad joanna.

Please give feedback to the midwifery and HV service so fewer women are let down like you were.

Be understanding of yourself. look at this post which i know has helped a lot of mothers who wanted to breastfeed.

Feed your baby with a bottle skin to skin when you can - no need to give up any intimacy. Be happy with formula - it is nourishing your baby and you give it with love, what's not to like? smile

This facebook page may help:

ZenNudist Sun 02-Mar-14 16:17:18

Not a hypocrite, your story reminds me to push on as I'd be equally disappointed in your position.

I have considered giving up bf 5wo ds2 today as I have mastitis on top of bad latch, posterior TT that they say doesn't need revision, slow weight gain and endless unproductive bf sessions.

I said to dh that no one on formula feeding is going through this shit and he keeps suggesting we switch and I keep pig headedly sticking with it. There seems to be no good reason not to ff. I know lots of babies thrive on it and lots of parents too.

I think bf and ff are broadly equal and the benefits of bf are overrated and benefits of ff underrated due to maternal guilt.

. I have my reasons for sticking with bf: peace of mind re boosting immunity/SIDS, convenience, weight loss are main ones. yes its 'best for baby' but show me a ff baby whose not healthy and happy I've seen my friends dc grow up fine on it, I was ff in the seventies!

By the time your LO is a toddler all this will be far behind you. Stop regretting your decision and start seeing it as the best thing you could have done in the circs. YY to offering yourself as a cautionary tale to friends, but also your support if they find themselves in the same boat.

I'm yet to see if we are going to stuck with bf. Fingers crossed we will.

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