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Desperate please help

(31 Posts)
qumquat Wed 05-Feb-14 00:35:01

4 week old dd has a very bad latch and I just can't seem to improve it. I'm in agony, she's starving. Already given two bottles today so worried about supply. I'm sat here with her screaming next to me to upset to even latch on badly. I hate breast feeding but feel terrible at the thought of giving up. Can't produce more than 1oz milk when I express. How can I get through the night?????? Scared I'm getting so upset I might hurl her across the room...

SomethingOnce Wed 05-Feb-14 00:46:19

Hello love.

Please don't stress - if it's that bad, just give formula tonight and get some sleep. You can get find some help and consider your options in the morning.

I know the feeling of painful boobs and a hungry baby. Here to hand-hold for as long as you need it x

yadiyadiya Wed 05-Feb-14 00:46:36

I might get flamed for this but give your daughter a bottle of formula and seek advice from your HV, DR, breastfeeding helpline in real life tomorrow. It is not the devils' food and has saved many babies lives when mother's have been unable to breastfeed.
Is there anyone you can hand baby to while you have a break?

justalilmummy Wed 05-Feb-14 00:49:23

If ur unhappy breastfeeding then dont, I understand the guilt but it's not doing either of u any good u being so unhappy
I highly advice u giving her bottles tonight, one night will be fine, sleep on it and if u want to try again in the morning

If u want to try again in the morning then get into bed with her, leave ur top of, and her in a nappy, skin to skin is very good for supply, and let her suckle all day

If it's not working, theres no need to feel guilty there is nothing wrong with giving bottles. Ive felt the guilt myself but just keep in mind when u look at a group of school children u cannot tell who was bottle or breast fed, it doesnt matter how she gets fed as long as ahe does

U mention being in pain? If that because of a poor latch or cracked nipples

SomethingOnce Wed 05-Feb-14 00:49:42

So that's two of us saying do whatever gets you safely through 'til morning. Formula will be fine smile

SomethingOnce Wed 05-Feb-14 00:50:36

Three of us x

phoolani Wed 05-Feb-14 00:51:06

Do what you need to do and if that means giving her bottle, give her one. Don't stress about it, you're not poisoning her! Do not feel terrible in any way. Let go of what you think you should do and do what will make it less stressful for you - whatever the benefits of breast, they don't IMO outweigh the benefits of a happy mother.

radiatormesh Wed 05-Feb-14 00:51:13

Is there anyone else there who can take her for a few minutes. Babies are often worse with the mum since they can smell/sense the milk: someone might be able to calm her down.

If there's nobody there then place her safely in her crib and leave the room for a few minutes until you've calmed down. She will be fine.

Then try once more getting her to latch on - with help if at all possible. Go right back to basics.

If that still doesn't work, then try formula just for tonight. You won't be giving up (and I say that as someone totally committed to BF). You can regroup tomorrow.

Head straight to the midwife/HV tomorrow and get the latch sorted out when you're both in a calmer state of mind.

radiatormesh Wed 05-Feb-14 00:53:41

And well done you for being so committed to BF: it's a fantastic gift to your baby.

Whiteshoes Wed 05-Feb-14 00:53:46

Oh, bless you. Do give her the formula for tonight and then give the breastfeeding support lines and/or your hv office a ring tomorrow. Sometimes you just need someone to talk you through it, even though it is stuff you already know.

SomethingOnce Wed 05-Feb-14 00:56:57

I think La Leche League might be 24 hours:

"To speak directly to an accredited LLL Leader call our telephone Helpline 0845 120 2918"

Could help to talk if there's nobody home with you and DD?

Neverending2012 Wed 05-Feb-14 01:03:17

Give her some formula and both get some sleep, everything will seem better in the morning, it really will.

qumquat Wed 05-Feb-14 01:27:58

Thank you. Have given formula and also Managed to express a bit. DH was in bed but got up to give formula ang give me a hug (as much as he can with my agony boobs in the way- I miss hugs!) Have found mw and hv useless in tes of support. Keep going to bf cafés but latch not improving. I just can't get her to tilt her head back or open her mouth wide enough. She is finally drifting off so going to bed. Thank you all for being there.

mellojello Wed 05-Feb-14 01:31:03

You take care op thanks xx

SomethingOnce Wed 05-Feb-14 01:33:51

Sleep well, OP x

Claryrocks Wed 05-Feb-14 03:21:46

Too late but I'm with everyone else - give formula. My first baby I had this problem with - every health professional told me to keep trying to feed her but couldn't say why she had bad latch. She lost weight, we both became fractious and I was exhausted and in pain. One HV was horrified at the prospect of giving a bottle of expressed because of nipple confusion?! I wish I'd given her formula so she wasn't hungry and we could try again with proper help as I ended up just feeding formula and feeling guilty. Hope you have a good night and get the support you need x

KnottedAnchorChief Wed 05-Feb-14 04:33:27

Hope you're getting some sleep now OP, I'm a bit late but just wanted to say I've been where you are now. Twice. Never feel bad about giving formula, you've tried so hard and sometimes you need to move on. Nether of mine learned to latch despite weeks of help and support from LLL and others. Some babies just don't get it, so don't waste precious time feeling bad. Hope the morning sees you feeling better.

JustLetMeSleep Wed 05-Feb-14 04:50:22

Hope you're getting some rest now, OP. Just wanted to say that I also found mws and hvs useless for support, and none of them spotted DD2's tongue tie even after my repeated requests for help. I got good help from an NCT bf counsellor who runs a bf group locally, and also the LLL leader at their local group. I would bypass anyone else now and go for one of those instead.

qumquat Wed 05-Feb-14 09:09:38

Hello. Managed a decent skepp and fed this morning, in pain and latch still the same. Dd now asleep again so at least I managed to satisfy her this time. I'm in bed next to her in tears again. Not sure if I'm getting Pnd or just a reasonable reaction to pain exhaustion and worry.

BadPenny Wed 05-Feb-14 10:48:52

Totally reasonable! Sounds like you need some real life help - is there a baby cafe near you or LLL group or anyone you can call? Hope you get the support you need ASAP!

SomethingOnce Wed 05-Feb-14 10:56:16

If you don't want to continue BF, then don't. You must do whatever you need to be well and happy. Nothing else matters that much smile

It might be worth speaking to somebody at LLL on the number above if part of you does want to make BF work. And your GP (if HV is no good) just to talk through the possibility of PND and make sure you're being monitored at least.

As I said, I found BF painful to begin with and I remember weeks 2-4 were the hardest, but it got easier after that and stopped hurting. I did feel very low at the time - pain, worry and sleep deprivation will do that to a person.

Anyway, you may or may not be getting PND, which may or may not be related to the BF issues, but please talk to the professionals and be kind to yourself thanks

Rosieliveson Wed 05-Feb-14 11:08:30

Hi, congratulations on your new arrival! I have a 5 month old and the first few weeks for me were terrible. He didn't latch so didn't feed properly and I was just full of milk and so hot and sore! I went to a breastfeeding cafe where they latched him on but I couldn't do it myself once we were home.
I was so sore and my (tmi shock) nips were shredded! I saw another HV who noticed a tight tongue tie meaning DS couldn't move his tongue properly to latch. It was snipped (pain and stress free) at the hospital a few days later and we started improving right away, there and then in the recovery room!
I also used nipple shields by medela (Sp??) which took the pain of the incorrect latch away and allowed my nips to heal. You could try those.

Good luck with breastfeeding but remember there is no shame in whatever way you choose to feed your baby!

Enelya Wed 05-Feb-14 11:14:07

I would also reccommed getting her checked for tounge tie by a specialist HV. Not all HV are properly trained to do this.

pileoflaundry Wed 05-Feb-14 11:40:27

You poor thing.

Yes do get your baby checked for a tongue tie, this would explain the poor latch, the sore nipples and the hungry baby. I second that not all HVs can do this check correctly, especially as even small tongue ties can make it very hard for some babies to feed. Are there any baby clinics or bf sessions near you today that you could try to get checked? LLL (number above) may have contact details for breastfeeding or lactation specialists in your area who would be able to check.

radiatormesh Wed 05-Feb-14 11:56:25

OP - where are you? Can we help find you someone to talk with and get help from?

And I third/fourth/whatever the idea of getting your baby checked for a tongue tie.

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