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now what? feel like it's over

(10 Posts)
sprite25 Tue 04-Feb-14 12:30:26

Just looking for support or suggestions really. DD of nearly 8 weeks has had problems from the start with breastfeeding, she's currently bottle fed formula and I offer her the breast before every feed but most of the time she fights against it. Anyway I felt like paying for a lactation consultant was the last thing to try but there's only one who does my area and she's been messing me about for the last 2 and a half weeks. She was meant to come tomorrow but I had an email from her this morning cancelling it. I don't know what else I can do and feel all the signs are just telling me to give up which is making me feel really sad and guilty.

islingtongirl Tue 04-Feb-14 12:40:46

Hi sprite - didn't want to read and run. Sorry to hear you are struggling with bfding hmm. Have you tried your local breastfeeding peer support groups/lines (assume you are in uk)? I found them invaluable when I was having a hard time in the early weeks with my dd. I spoke to them on the helpline and dropped in at the daily clinic a few times. Does you LO latch on at all? Have you tried any skin to skin? Am sure there will be some experienced ppl on soon to advise you - I have had a lot of support here. In the meantime I am sure you are doing a great job - don't be hard on yourself!

sprite25 Tue 04-Feb-14 12:52:53

Thanks for posting, I have spoken to an NCT lady at a local group who said she wasn't sure what was wrong but suggested a few things which I've tried but they haven't made much difference. My HV is useless and the midwife who was helpful we stopped seeing at 28 day's old, which is why I was hoping to see a lactation consultant for some face to face support but I'm thinking if she was worth the money she wouldn't keep cancelling on me. I suspect that DD has got used to being lazy with a bottle, so doesn't feed effectively at the breast, so supply is going down meaning she prefers bottle even more, I just don't know how to break the cycle

geekaMaxima Tue 04-Feb-14 13:32:22

Do you have a La Leche League meeting near you? Or could you get to one? A LLL leader could observe a feed and see what you might be able to do. Even if there isn't a meeting in the next few days, they may still help now if you ask. Ditto for getting hold of a local NCT bf counsellor.

It's such a shame that the lc has been messing you about, but it sounds like you need some face to face help ASAP.

Good luck smile And in the meantime, this might help.

NickyEds Tue 04-Feb-14 13:42:40

I think my DS is getting a bit bottle lazy too. He takes off both boobs every feed but I'm sure he's just getting the easy let down milk and he sort of gives up when it comes to really sucking out the hind milk. He was Tongue tied for over 2weeks at birth and although he got better after it was snipped he never really learnt how to do it and my supply never really caught up. Now I feel like he's on the breast for comfort and thirst and he's getting his actual nutrition from formula.
I've not been totally happy with this having got my heart set on breast feeding. The last MW I spoke to said that to break the cycle I would have to go cold turkey on the formula. She said to make a nest on the sofa with snacks, drinks DVDs etc and prepare to sit and feed constantly to get supply up and not to give him any formula. It could take days and days and still might not work fully. I lasted 1 day before mix feeding started to look pretty good- he screamed and screamed in hunger. Don't feel bad- I've spoken to loads of women who exclusively BF but started to introduce a bed time bottle at 6-8 weeks for more sleep or to get baby used to a bottle for getting out or ready for returning to work.

Sunflower1985 Tue 04-Feb-14 20:47:01

I always wanted to ebf but it never happened for me and my ds. He's 6mo and weaning now. For us, in the end, I bf at night and gave three top-ups during the day. I was more relaxed at night, which helped maintain my supply at that level. I was lucky to find a free lc at my local bf support group, who got me on to a supplemental nursing system. It got my ds back to associating boob with food, so no more bottles.

My point is, mixed feeding, although not for everyone, is always an option. There is no one-size-fits-all solution here

glorious Wed 05-Feb-14 09:12:29

Sprite I'm sorry things are so difficult. There's nothing to feel guilty about, you are doing your very best.

Can the baby latch well (but won't)? Friends who've had that problem have had success with lots of skin to skin and baths together, and trying when they've just woken up.

But I'm no expert and second the suggestions above about other places to look for face to face support.

Good luck thanks

glorious Wed 05-Feb-14 09:16:07

I meant to add there's still no reason to feel guilty if you do stop. I can understand why you would feel sad though - nothing wrong with formula but it's not the choice you made.

sprite25 Wed 05-Feb-14 21:36:14

Thanks for the link geek, slot of info on there and suggestions.
Nicky sounds like DD she was tongue tied and even after it was snipped BF never really got off the ground and supply has never been great, I also think she just sucks at 1st for the easy letdown milk but she seems to start fussing when it slows, bloody impatient like her dad
I was worried that supply had pretty much dried up but when attempting to BF her last night the other side leaked and soaked my top, this has kinda given me some hope so am gonna go back to my local group to see the same NCT lady and ask her to watch a feed (if they do this?) also does anyone know if the light butterfly sucks baby does when asleep/for comfort helps supply or does it have to be the proper draining sucks to stimulate it?

NickyEds Thu 06-Feb-14 11:49:29

Sounds very similar to me- DS goes really well on a full boob and takes all of the let down then either falls asleep or just stops sucking then goes on to the other and does the same- then cries for a bottle. I've heard different things about the little butterfly sucks- some have said it's just like being used as a dummy others say it stimulates supply. I can usually go about 4-5 hours without by boobs becoming uncomfortable so I do have supply. I know it sounds aweful but I sort of feel like feeding has settled down now and the first few weeks were so traumatic that I don't dare mess with it.
However I will keep trying to increase BF because supply can increase and as long as you're feeding or expressing your milk won't dry up-I panic if I don't feed him for a few hours but I've heard ladies on MN say they could still get milk out months after stopping! It's a personal thing if you ff-great- there are advantages, and if you want to BF keep at it- just don't let it get you so down you miss everything else. I feel crap for mix feeding but sometimes feel worse that I've let it totally define my early days as a Mum and completely knacker my confidence and ruin my memories of DS first weeks. Sorry about the long post. Good Luck!!

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