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still regretting not BF

(13 Posts)
jane1995 Thu 02-Jan-14 16:38:02

when I was pregnant I was determined to BF, then when DS was born he was a teeny 5lbs 5, he latched on for first feed, but he wouldnt for his second so the nurse told me to choose a brand of formula (I was gutted because I wanted him exclusively BF) after that I kept trying to latch him on ever time he was hungry but it never happened. I was expressing and giving him half breast milk and half formula, but about 6 weeks in I just couldnt cope with everything. SSterilizing bottles, doing the formula and expresssing aswell all seemed impossible as he fed every 2 hours on the dot, so by the time id made up his milk, fed him, then expressed it would be almost time for his next feed! so i stopped at 6 weeks when he was diagnosed with reflux because doing his gaviscon 4 times a day ontop of everything was too much. he is 7 month old now and im still feeling awful about not continuing, especially when I see women out and breastfeeding.

runningonwillpower Thu 02-Jan-14 16:48:01

Give yourself a break.

New mothers are under such a lot of pressure to be 'perfect'.

I defy anyone to identify the adult who was breastfed.

Truth is, bottle or breast fed, it's the caring that counts.

Just keep on loving your baby. That's what really matters.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 02-Jan-14 16:55:20

Please stop being so hard on yourself. Honestly if you had your baby when i had my first you wouldn't even be thinking the way you are.

As the previous poster said by the time your dc grows up or even goes to nursery there is no difference between bf dc & ff dc.

jane1995 Thu 02-Jan-14 17:00:55

yeah I suppose, never thaught of it that way, thanks ladies

AppleSnow Thu 02-Jan-14 17:02:46

I feel for you. I did a similar thing with formula and expressing with my daughter and it was a difficult and dispiriting time. Breast feeding did not come easily and I felt a complete failure as a mother very early on (ridiculous to think of it now) because I couldn't breast feed. However, once I settled on formula feeding I felt more relaxed and had more time to interact and play with my daughter. She's just about to turn 16 and is a healthy and intelligent girl. I still had (and have) pangs, like you, when I saw friends breast-feeding but it isn't for everyone and you tried your hardest. What you did and are doing now is right for you and your little son. Try and enjoy this precious time with him without having it clouded with regret. I'm sure he's a happy healthy little boy and you are a lovely mum.

lotsofcheese Thu 02-Jan-14 17:45:12

OP, my story is almost identical: DD 5lb 3oz & in scbu due to prematurity & jaundice. Despite expressing, nipple shields etc, we never got anywhere with BF. I persevered with it for a month, after which I had to face facts that my supply was inadequate & DD still couldn't latch. So I switched to formula.

It was a heartbreaking decision & I cried over it; I still feel very sad about the whole thing. I wonder if things had been different eg no jaundice, no scbu, full term baby then perhaps the outcome might have been different......

Midori1999 Thu 02-Jan-14 18:48:02

OP, although you weren't able to BF for as long as you would have liked, not only did you provide breast milk for your baby for 6 weeks, you did that by expressing as well as having to make formula, which is exhausting.

If you think it might help, a breastfeeding counsellor can talk you through your feelings about this, they aren't just there to help with breastfeeding problems.

jane1995 Thu 02-Jan-14 19:28:59

thanks all, I feel alot better already after all your posts, I should start thinking more positive, a littles better then none smile

lilacjellybean Thu 02-Jan-14 21:41:36

My Mam couldn't breastfeed me for medical reasons so I only ever had formula. I'm happy and healthy, the only bad part of it is that I think she still carries some guilt about it when there's really no need.
Be proud that you're doing the best you can for your baby smile

MissCardew Fri 03-Jan-14 15:55:34

OP your story (and others on this thread) are so similar to mine. DS was 5lb 2oz and bfing was a real struggle for us. I found feeding quite traumatic (broken skin, thrush infections etc) but I was pretty determined to carry on. When the HV told me he was failing to thrive at 9 weeks I moved on to formula and I was really upset that I had 'failed'.

Looking back I know I did my best and breastfeeding doesn't always work out the way you planned (much like a lot of parenting smile) but I think there will always be a little irrational feeling of guilt (especially when it seems to come so easily for friends). You've done the very best for your DS which is what counts in the end.

jane1995 Fri 03-Jan-14 16:36:53

I think im mainly upset about it cause I have OCD and I was determined to BF because of all the positives (antibodies, prevention of colds and ear infections ect) because I was petrified something bad was going to happen to him because he was so small and fragile so I wanted him as protected as possible, I think I still feel bad now because he has an autoimmune disease where he cant fight off germs as well as other babies so I keep thinking maybe if I continued BF he wouldnt have this x

minipie Fri 03-Jan-14 16:49:59

If it makes you feel better my DD was Bf till a year old and has had every cold going this winter! And various other bugs too. She too was small (6 weeks early and just under 5 pounds).

I'm really sorry your DS has an autoimmune disease, however I do not think that Bf would have prevented this, I'm not aware of any link. Yes BF can help provide antibodies produced by the mother, but it doesn't improve the baby's ability to make their own antibodies afaik.

It's easy to think "if only I'd done X" but what you have to remember is, if you could have, you would have. Someone told me this and it has helped me not regret all sorts of things I did in DD's early days, that I later regretted. We all do the best we can at the time.

And I take my hat off to you for all that expressing, you must have been exhausted. Well done you.

Flowergirls1 Fri 03-Jan-14 19:03:35

Don't worry lots of people don't do it!

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