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Well done comments on bf.

(39 Posts)
curlyclaz13 Wed 06-Nov-13 19:43:46

I am probably alone and bu but I am getting a bit miffed at hcp telling me well done on hearing ds is still ebf, at 4 1/2 months. is it really that unusual ? In the last week I have had it from the hv when he was weighed and from the nurse today when he had his injections. I know they mean it in a positive way but I suppose I am surprised that they seem so suprised. I get it from older family members too but they are from the wean at four months generation so it doesn't bother me.

ninjasquirrel Wed 06-Nov-13 19:45:25

I found it sad to get a 'well done' for still bf, at DS's 8 week check up!

HotCrossPun Wed 06-Nov-13 19:47:21

Why would somebody congratulating you for something annoy you?

They will be aware that breastfeeding isn't always the easiest option. That it can be sore and take considerable patience and perseverance. So they are telling you that you have done well for sticking with it and doing the best thing for your baby.

Can't see the issue at all.

LucyBabs Wed 06-Nov-13 19:51:22

Hmm people can't win can they?! Either they're in the wrong for questioning why you're STILL bf after a few months or they're in the wrong for congratulating you because you are bf


Raddy Wed 06-Nov-13 19:55:15

I think perhaps your HV sees that it's not the norm to still BF at 4 months in your area, so to her it merits a 'well done'.

Mattissy Wed 06-Nov-13 19:55:57

I thought it was lovely, just to have any efforts recognised at all in those early days, lol. If someone had said well done for cleaning that pooey bum so nicely, I'd have thought was lovely!

At 4.5 months people say it still, by 24 months all people say is "when are you going to give that up?", grrr!

Raddy Wed 06-Nov-13 20:00:18

I would have loved a 'well done' with my first.

He was very big and permanently hungry. He got fatter & fatter & I was fading away. All I ever got (from family), was 'give him a bottle'. Grrrr.

DeathByLaundry Wed 06-Nov-13 20:02:34

YABU! It's good to be encouraged and to have the effort recognised.

A random stranger in a chemist once patted my arm and told me 'well done' for breastfeeding my first. I almost cried smile

BonaDea Wed 06-Nov-13 20:06:02

I know what you mean. In one sense it is nice to hear especially if you've got off to a rocky start.

However, I think it is just further evidence of the NHS's very 'shallow' approach to bf'ing. On one hand bf'ing is touted as being best and people even feel pressured. But other than that 'surface' support the reality is very different. Support drops off a cliff and I found all sorts of hcps completely useless (MWs failing to pick up on tongue tie, GP telling me that breast tissue thrush doesn't exist). For that reason I reckon it is no wonder that so many people give up and so they are probably genuinely surprised you're still going.

Now that DS is 7 months no one even asks me whether he is still ebf!!

noitsachicken Wed 06-Nov-13 20:07:32

My HV congratulated me for still feeding DS at his one year check, she said it was v v rare.
I just found it sad, but glad for the support.

Laquila Wed 06-Nov-13 20:12:57

I'm quite grateful when anyone congratulates me on ebf my 9-week old - it means they recognise how incredibly hard it's been for me! I don't find it patronising at all. I do appreciate your point that is a shame it's not the norm, though.

BonaDea sorry to hear you haven't had good support. II think it very much depends on where you live. Certainly where I am is very good, and hads been invaluable to me.

Bythebeach Wed 06-Nov-13 20:20:00

I didn't understand it with my first ..... just stuck him on a boob and he was fine from day one. No pain for me. No issues for him. Was the most natural thing in the world. Second was perhaps a touch less adept but essentially the same but number 3 taught me why people get congratulated for persevering....difficult and painful latch and mastitis and tongue tie etc etc although it all resolved relatively quickly I could understand what the big deal was

FurryGiraffe Wed 06-Nov-13 20:59:13

I bumped into my midwife today and was congratulated on still BF
DS (6 months). The recognition is nice in a way but I do find it sad that someone breastfeeding for a reasonable length of time is so worthy of comment.

Bona Dea- you've described my experience exactly: endless pro breastfeeding talk in pregnancy, and no practical support when you have a baby and are having problems. Actually, worse than that- policies which undermine breastfeeding. Given how much FF apparently costs the NHS (£75k per baby was the figure I was told in antenatal classes, though no idea where that comes from/how accurate it is) you'd think it would be worth investing in BF training for MW/HVs. But that would of course involve some joined up thinking...

allbottledup Wed 06-Nov-13 21:00:16

YABU. Who else is going to congratulate you? Your baby can't thank you yet!

AnythingNotEverything Wed 06-Nov-13 21:04:25

I've experienced the "shallow" bf support too. We had a rocky time with 10 days in hospital postnatally, and I get a well done from all sorts of people now we're home and finally ebf at 15 days.

It's nice to be congratulated, but I can't help but feel we're being congratulated for beating the system in some way, or succeeding in the face of adversity!

mrsmartin1984 Wed 06-Nov-13 21:19:44

I was surprised on my 2 week check up why the HV where making a song and dance about me BFing. Then when I met up with others from the antenatal class and I realized that I was the only one still going.

Sad but true, we are the minority

Queenofthedrivensnow Wed 06-Nov-13 21:23:20

Yabu I really needed the promise with dd1. A newborn is hard work however you feed. Bf is hard physical work.

RobinSparkles Wed 06-Nov-13 21:27:13

"Why would somebody congratulating you for something annoy you?"

They're just being positive. BFing can be very hard work for some people. They're just being encouraging!

LittleMilla Wed 06-Nov-13 21:29:19

I remember getting ds1 weighed at 6 weeks or so. HV asked how he was fed, I said fb and she gave me the hugest hug and said well done and how proud I should be that I'd got such a beautifully chubby boy.

I practically skipped home grin

Ds2 it's been much tougher and the bf support has been fab. I don't necessarily need that same praise this time, just squidge his legs instead!! Xx

CrazySexyCool123 Wed 06-Nov-13 21:42:34

If you read the stats you'll see why.

People have said to me that I deserve a medal for EEing at 9 months but I suspect that they will soon think I'm weird! :D

BonaDea Wed 06-Nov-13 22:02:34

Oh my god. I am shocked that the rate for ebf at 6 months is 1% in the uk. 1%!!!! I'm shocked at that, totally shocked.

God the support really does have to improve.

CrazySexyCool123 Wed 06-Nov-13 22:05:10

They're not the most uptodate stats. There are some that go into regional detail which makes for very interesting reading.

Creamtea1 Wed 06-Nov-13 22:06:48

I find it funny when people say 'are you feeding her yourself?' - I am always so tempted to say 'no I'm not, any ideas who I can get to feed her - infact do you want a go?'

On a serious note, I very much feel like the wierdo when people realise I am bf ing and am in the minority within the post natal group.
Another good question - 'how long are you going to do it for?' hmm

CrazySexyCool123 Wed 06-Nov-13 22:09:48

curlyclaz13 Wed 06-Nov-13 22:13:10

I know they are being nice, I suppose it's sad that they seem suprised and feel the need to do it. In other countries it is the norm. I also have a lot of friends who bf so to me it is just what you do so am probably suprised at being congratulated on doing something that is normal. (and yes I do know some people can't and there is a woeful lack of support).

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