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I don't want to stop bf 15 mo, but how is it done?

(15 Posts)
TooExtraImmatureCheddar Mon 01-Jul-13 14:31:48

Sorry for the random title, but I'm very confused right now!

DD is 15 months and I still bf her on demand when we're together. I'm working 4 days a week and she drinks cow's milk during the day on those days. I'm getting a lot of grief about still feeding her from various friends and relations, but I don't want to stop yet.

However, DH and I will probably start ttc in October, and I don't want to tandem-feed. I want DD to have forgotten bfeeding so she isn't jealous of the new baby. Is that even possible? Anyway, I was thinking I might stop feeding her once I get pregnant, or shortly afterwards. What do I need to know? Are there any good or bad times to stop? How do I stop? How do I avoid the situation where she is crying for bfeeding, pulling at my top and utterly inconsolable by me? This happened at the weekend - I had been drunk on Friday night and so couldn't bfeed in the morning. Managed to distract an increasingly confused and clingy DD for most of the morning, but eventually she totally lost it. DH had to take her out of the room to calm her down, because if I tried she just howled, tried to twist around so her head was lined up with my boob, and got more and more frantic. Is there a way of weaning her that is less painful to everyone involved? Help!

Bearcrumble Mon 01-Jul-13 14:36:13

I fed ds until he was 21 months. Got pregnant when he was 16m. So 4 months between stopping and giving birth.

We just tailed off very gradually til it was 5 mins a day before bed. Then he got hand,foot and mouth so his mouth was too sore to suck and when he got better 3 days later he never asked again. He never acted jealous of the baby when she was tiny or asked for boob.

cornflakegirl Mon 01-Jul-13 15:04:00

15m is still quite little, and you're talking about having a baby in a year's time. You say you don't want to tandem feed, but both of mine were down to twice a day (at most) by then, even the clingy milk-obsessed one. Could you envisage a couple of quick feeds a day if it's still important to her?

If not, then maybe gradually move from on demand to a few set times, and then gradually replace those times with other things? (May be talking out my arse, as DS1 stopped by himself when I was pregnant with DS2, and I tried to stop with DS2 a while ago, but his desire to continue was stronger than my desire to stop, so it didn't happen.)

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Mon 01-Jul-13 15:54:12

I am kind of hoping she'll stop by herself when/if I get pg again. That would be the best scenario, because I'll know she's stopping because she wants to, iyswim. I know it's a long way off yet, but I got asked a few times this weekend when I was planning on stopping, plus one friend going "she's got teeth! She's walking! It's weird!", and that plus the experience related above of DD being so upset by my refusal to feed her combined to make me feel quite worried about the actual process of stopping. I just wondered how other people have managed, really!

I wouldn't mind giving DD a couple of little feeds - I just have vivid memories of her feeding for hour upon hour at a time as a newborn, which worries me when combined with a toddler!

Startail Mon 01-Jul-13 15:58:59

15 months seems tiny to me. DFs 18 month old seems tiny, but DD2 feed until long after she went to school.

She would tell your family and friends it is no ones business how long a child chooses to feed and believe me she did the choosing, I just didn't say no, because feeding an older child night and some mornings is no effort at all.

Bearcrumble Mon 01-Jul-13 16:00:26

Also so little alcohol gets through to your milk. You would have been fine to feed the following morning.

And sod what people say.

Startail Mon 01-Jul-13 16:01:00

I think a lot of people will tell you, a lot of DCs do give up when their Mum gets PG or only tandem feed very 1/2 heartily and give up easily.

mrscog Mon 01-Jul-13 16:01:21

Sorry I can be of no help, but I'm in a similar situation with 16mo DS. I'm getting a bit bored of BF now, and he's very physical whilst feeding - grabbing, poking my nose, wriggling etc. and it just feels like a violation! However he's down to a short feed in the morning and evening (and sometimes in the day if he fancies it) so I don't really know how to cut down from here as he too gets very upset if I try and skip one of the feeds.

I think pg hormones can change the taste of the milk so that might help wean her off.

mrscog Mon 01-Jul-13 16:02:49

YY to ignoring opinions of family and friends - or tell them that feeding until 4/5 is the biological 'norm' for a human (which is true) and see how they take that!

And also yes you'd have been fine to bf after your Friday night out. smile

leedy Mon 01-Jul-13 16:04:54

I found feeding DS1 just sort of tapered off quite naturally, especially with a little bit of distraction. First he dropped the lunchtime feed, then the one in the afternoon, then was just morning and evenings for ages, then just evenings from when he was two (was more interested in getting up and doing stuff than feeding in the am!), around which time I got pregnant again. Then my supply tanked in the second trimester and he sort of gradually lost interest - fed less and less, eventually I said one evening that he was a "big boy who had drunk all the milk" and he never asked again. It was very easy for both of us.

(also just FYI for future reference, if you were drunk on Friday night you were almost certainly safe to feed by morning, unless you were still absolutely hammered/drinking when you got up - booze leaves your milk at the same rate it leaves your bloodstream)

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Mon 01-Jul-13 16:05:28

Thanks! I am trying to ignore other people, but sometimes I just get worn down by the repetition. People who just ask are ok, they're usually just curious, but people who try to tell you to stop because it's too weird are really annoying! That includes my sister and a close friend, in addition to the friend on Friday night. hmm

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Mon 01-Jul-13 16:09:00

Can't have still been absolutely hammered on Saturday - I was sick when I got home on Friday. blush And I was home by midnight and apparently managed to poke DH and go "wake up, DD's crying" in the middle of the night, although I don't remember it.

cornflakegirl Mon 01-Jul-13 17:26:39

If you're not set on stopping, then don't worry about it - a lot can happen in a year. And yah-boo-sucks to anyone who says it's weird - it's clearly really important to her, and it's none of their business!

Knittingnovice Mon 01-Jul-13 18:04:43

I conceived DD1, when DS was 11 months. He self weaned while I was pregnant at about 16 months.

no idea how to stop but agree with those saying she might want to feed less or stop when you're pregnant. DS didn't but just to give you a different perspective - he fed like a newborn when my milk came in with DD (had been colostrum from 26 weeks which didn't seem to bother him but then he got really fat for a bit grin ) and it was hard, I won't lie - but actually you talk of jealousy and I can honestly say that feeding both together (although not necessarily at the same time) has minimised jealous feelings I think, they have such a strong bond already (they're 2.5 and 8 months) - I'd go so far as to say they adore each other and I am sure that the breastfeeding had something to do with that.

if your friends make you feel bad you can either refuse to talk about it or print off this for them. it's really none of their business but I get we all care what people think to a certain extent.

I'm sure you'll get lots of good tips here of how to wean but please only do it if you or your DD want to, it's really got nothing to do with anyone else and I guarantee if you give up because you're worried what people think and no other reason you'll look back back and wish you'd waited a bit

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