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HV uselessness - just rant here or complain?

(11 Posts)
Sparklyboots Wed 22-May-13 00:49:43

I had a visit from HV today as 1st birth contact following birth of 2nd child. DD is doing great - past birth weight in 4 days, EBF, has gained 350g since birth. My HV's main concern though was that I am still feeding DS (2yr5mo). She asked me what my plan was to get him stopped and was suspicious that I'm keeping it up because I don't feel ready to stop.

FWIW he was reluctantly weaned during pg because I couldn't bear it, I felt physically revolted as well as deeply uncomfortable. Happily the Oxytocin is doing its job and it's fine to feed him now - which isn't to say I'm overjoyed that he's a boob monster once more, though I do think he's the key to my success with DD as nothing can stimulate supply quite like a hungry toddler! He's having a lot atm but most children experience some sort of 'regression' at the birth of a sibling, right? I'm assuming it's temporary and emotional and as he steadies to the idea the bfing will fade again and we'll just wean when he's no longer interested.

Anyway I feel quite pissed that this woman was discouraging bfing and did remind her of the WHO guidelines, and also said I hardly thought rejecting DS for bfing when the baby got it would help him feel well-disposed to the changes that have obviously really rocked him (he's very worried and quite clingy and tearful when not actively chucking stuff at the baby). Would you complain about this woman doling out her prejudice/ opinion as advice or chalk it up to general HV shitness? (Last HV was ace - gutted that she retired)

Startail Wed 22-May-13 00:59:09

I strongly suspect tandem feeding is another of the long list of things there is no point in telling HV.

Actually, IMHO it's best just smile and nod, while wearing ear plugs during any interaction with them.

EauRouge Wed 22-May-13 09:21:17

Congrats on your new DD!

It's tricky, isn't it- I mean, you are so busy at the moment, not many new mothers have the time or energy to make a complaint. I think if you do make one then it will be taken into account. She's giving out advice (not information or support) based on nothing but her own personal prejudices. She may have felt like she was doing you a favour but it sounds like you were pretty clear that you are happy to continue BF.

One issue that I had with HVs and tandem feeding is that they were pretty obvious in their disapproval (and their knowledge of tandem feeding was dreadful). Now, if I needed some support with my DDs, where am I going to go? Not to my HVs because I would be worried they would blame any issues on BF. So effectively, I have no support from my HVs because they do not accept different ways of parenting. Might be worth putting something like that in your letter if you do write one.

mrsmartin1984 Wed 22-May-13 11:43:13

As long as you are feeding the youngest well there shouldn't be a reason you can't do both. Complain, so she doesn't give bad advice to others

SirBoobAlot Wed 22-May-13 11:45:15

Complain. Stupid woman.

Sparklyboots Wed 22-May-13 23:21:57

Thanks all, will complain. As a uni lecturer, I have mastered the art of deadly feedback in non-combative language. I'll view this as a way of keeping my hand in, so to speak...

5madthings Wed 22-May-13 23:25:19

Complain def or she will continue to pedal her crap advice to other mothers, and some may not be as confident as you are.

Startail Thu 23-May-13 00:58:16

grin May the best totally words of complaint clothed in the cloak of constructive criticism flow from your keyboard.

Startail Thu 23-May-13 00:59:34

Please delete totally, no idea what happened there.

FrozenNorthPole Thu 23-May-13 09:59:40

Complain! Cite papers, that always seems to make them take it seriously (my last complaint letter had a reference list on the back, might not want to go this far ...)

BaronessBomburst Thu 23-May-13 13:40:54

And keep posting here too, of course. smile

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