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Baby falls asleep feeding then wakes the second I put her down

(29 Posts)
weeblueberry Fri 17-May-13 01:48:32

LO is only five days old but I'm finding it hard with the night feeds because she'll only stay asleep while still on the breast. She can be sound asleep but as soon as she gets laid in her crib she screams. I know it's probably the bond with me she craves but we can't co sleep so I need a way to get her down. She also stops feeding so I unlatch her, thinking she's done, then when put down screams and wants fed again. sad

This is going to drive us both nuts. It's as though can't get her to sleep unless she's wrapped round me. She's only a few days old, granted, but I want to start as I mean to go on...

VodkaRevelation Fri 17-May-13 01:55:11

Hello,

We tried putting one of my husband's worn t-shirts down in the Moses basket which helped- the scent of a parent but not the one who provides milk!

Sometimes we just had to cuddle DS in shifts and persevere with trying to settle in Moses basket.

Good luck!

mrsbugsywugsy Fri 17-May-13 01:59:21

congratulations on your lo. the first days are really hard.

if she is falling asleep before finishing her feed, I would try waking her gently, by blowing on her or tickling her feet.

you could also try warming her Moses basket with a hot water bottle before putting her down, and/or putting a worn item of your clothing in the Moses basket so your smell will comfort her.

mrsbugsywugsy Fri 17-May-13 02:00:27

x posted with vodka!

milktraylady Fri 17-May-13 02:04:13

We got through the first week by tag team cuddling the baby. They need you to feel secure, and just want cuddled. They will go in Moses basket gradually, try all the previous posters tips (I did from reading other similar threads & they work smile)
Congrats!

Fluer Fri 17-May-13 02:11:02

Sometimes they just want to suck so a dummy can be a godsend rather than using you as a dummy.

HadALittleFaithBaby Fri 17-May-13 02:20:05

Hello! First of all, congratulations. I remember you from round conception/pregnancy boards smile

DD did this (sometimes still does). I asked the midwife what to do because I was despising - she'd sleep on people but cry when put down! She said two things that clicked - 1. Don't rush to put her down (easier said than done when you're shattered!) and 2. Don't put her down on a cold surface. Now I'll hold her for 5-10 minutes after feeding so she is well asleep (her head gets heavy). At first we put her down on worn clothing as suggested by Vodka. Now I wrap her in something (blanket, sheet) while I feed her so its her body temp when I lie her down between her and the Moses basket. I agree the first weeks are tough but I am finding it gets easier.

There's also the sleathy transfer - I pick her up, slowly move her round, then lie her down but keep my hands underneath her. Slowly, very slowly over several minutes I slide my hands out....being put down abruptly shocks her at times!

Hth a bit.

weeblueberry Fri 17-May-13 02:30:26

Thank you all so much for your suggestions. Ill try them smile

We've already tried the dummy which she doesn't mind but loses interest in quite quickly sadly sad

weeblueberry Fri 17-May-13 02:40:42

I should say despite having a good feed on the breast, no matter when she's out down she makes mouthing movements and snacks her lips, indicating she's hungry obviously. But she only does this when put in the crib-when I'm holding her she doesn't do it. And she falls asleep easily, something she wouldn't do if hungry surely?

McPrice Fri 17-May-13 03:57:38

grin congrats! mine was the same, it is something she'll grow out of. i think its unnerving for them to be out of the womb and they only feel secure on you. i held mine for a good 10-15 mins after bf'ing as they are in very light sleep when feeding. holding her longer will hopefully send her in to deeper sleep. i swaddled ds too. good luck and enjoy the newborn snuggleswink

stargirl1701 Fri 17-May-13 08:37:17

My DD was the same but it turned out to be silent reflux. She was in pain lying down so couldn't sleep.

mrsbugsywugsy Fri 17-May-13 08:40:52

another thing you could try is swaddling to make her feel more secure in her crib

HadALittleFaithBaby Fri 17-May-13 08:41:06

I'm smile that all these responses were between 2-4am - were we all feeding at the time?!

mrsbugsywugsy Fri 17-May-13 09:03:12

I was grin MN keeps me going during night feeds.

tiktok Fri 17-May-13 09:04:43

Very normal smile

Please think again about 'starting as you mean to go on' - appropriate care for a 5 day old can be changed at any time as your baby gets older... you don't need to be doing everything now. Meeting babies' needs for closeness and comfort builds their confidence in the world and in the love of the people close to them, and they become more able to separate when the time comes.

Tag team suggestion is a good one, if you feel you cannot co-sleep.

DoodleAlley Fri 17-May-13 09:11:38

I find that at that stage putting my hand against their face as they lay in the cot helped.

Now at five weeks it irritates DD but it helps if we put our hands on her torso to comfort her for the first few moments.

Hold in there, it does get easier and you learn as you go along and as soon as you think youve got it sorted they change what they like

beckslovestimmy Fri 17-May-13 09:22:24

I didn't want to co sleep but in the end it was the only way to get some rest, this only lasted 3-4 weeks, every few nights we tried the Moses basket and she'd settle for longer, by week3-4 she was sleeping in the Moses basket all night (except for feeds) by week 7 she was in her cotbed. We did the hot water bottle, and hubby's t-shirt in the basket. DD also slept better when swaddled and still does now at 18weeks. May be worth putting her down for naps in Moses basket/crib in the day so she gets used to it?

weeblueberry Fri 17-May-13 09:30:43

Thank you again everyone. In the end she stayed asleep after I swaddled her, walked about with her for ten mins then put her down very gently!! She stayed asleep for a good few hours at that stage.

As much as I'd like to cosleep, my partner has sleep aeopnea and so it's considered to be a higher risk factor so we can't take the chance.

sleepyhead Fri 17-May-13 10:23:57

I'm not sure that they are always hungry when they make these signs. Both of mine were very "sucky" babies and would be happy with breast or finger (ds2 has a dummy which works quite well for us some of the time).

I had very sore nipples with ds1 which meant that with the best will in the world I couldn't let him stay on the breast as much as he'd like - the resulting damage would have led to me giving up. I used to unlatch him once he'd stopped actively feeding and let him suck on my finger instead, or dh would take him. If he'd not finished actually feeding then he'd soon let us know.

The suck instinct is incredibly strong in most babies, and obviously the easiest thing to do it to just keep them on you, but if you can't then satisfying that suck instinct with a substitute is ok (as long as it's not preventing them getting enough milk).

They also love being close to you, so again as others have said it's totally normal for them to realise they're alone in their crib and protest. We've ended up cosleeping some of the time again - I know what you say about your dh's sleep apnoea being a risk factor, but I keep ds2 to the outside of the bed with me sort of curled around him rather than in between us, or ds2 lying on my chest so dh isn't really much of a factor (he's a very deep sleeper and I don't think it would be safe for him to cosleep next to ds2).

This time next week your dd will have lived her whole life over again and will have made amazing changes, same again in another week, and another, and another - please don't worry about bad habits smile

tiktok Fri 17-May-13 11:59:08

blueberry, I haven't heard that sleep apneoa in the partner is a risk factor - is this correct?

5318008 Fri 17-May-13 12:18:02

I would think that the extreme fatigue that is associated with sleep apneoa would be the risk factor, tiktok. I'll have a wee scoot round google.

flanbase Fri 17-May-13 12:23:31

The needs of your little one as closeness and breastmilk and this is what she has when she's in your arms. She shouts to alert you to the lack of these two things when she is away from you. I'd say co-sleep so you can rest and your newborn can be next to you to hear your heartbeat , feel you breathe, your small and warmth. You need to rest and relax & this is also important. Your partner can sleep on a mattress on the floor

tiktok Fri 17-May-13 13:16:33

But the apneoa is in the partner - extreme fatigue in the mother is thought to be an increased risk. While I don't think there is any decent research confirming this as a separate risk, it would make some sense to suggest that an extremely tired mother might be less aware of where the baby is in the bed. But this doesn't need to apply to the partner, unless the mother for some unknown and unwise reason places the baby in the care of the partner or the baby is placed next to the partner rather than next to her (ie the baby is safer on outside edge of the bed, not in between the parents).

I would have thought, anyway smile

HadALittleFaithBaby Fri 17-May-13 14:16:26

This babycentre page mentions sleep apnoea and while it says 'you' implying Mum, I wouldn't take the chance either personally.

I would just keep working on getting her used to the Moses basket and tag teaming if that doesn't work - feed her, settle her then hand her to your DP so you can get a bit of sleep. I was in the depths of despair with this when DD was 4 days old. I fed her, handed her over to DH and said Just take her away! She slept on him for an hour and was finally settled enough to sleep in the cot in the hospital. I slept for an hour, then had a bath and washed my hair and felt like a different woman!

tiktok Fri 17-May-13 14:49:19

I dunno....they differentiate alcohol and smoking as risks if 'you or your partner' do them so the 'you' is the mother, especially as it is explained by it being a risk 'cos you might roll on the baby.

How is a partner with apnoea, at the other side of the bed, going to roll on a baby who is at his mum's other side? That's not a roll it's a climb smile

Yes, it is someone's own personal responsibility and choice to assess the information and decide for themselves, but I just don't see the risk here!

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