Warning - this is a rant!(10 Posts)
Sorry but I just need a rant!
My mum has been such a brilliant supporter of me breastfeeding and gives me so much practical help with dd - including looking after her for 2 half days a week while I'm at work. But she's really pissed me off with a totally out of the left field comment this weekend - probably meant nothing to her, but I can't stop stewing about it!
For some reason she's really keen to have dd come and stay at their's without me and was offering to look after her while dh and I have a "nice weekend away". Sounds kind, but it just seems to be totally motivated by her desire to have dd overnight. This is despite the fact that dd still feeds to sleep at bedtime and wakes at least twice a night for milk or just cuddles (and screams blue murder unless they're mummy cuddles - even daddy won't cut it anymore!). She's never had a bottle and I certainly have no intention to start now and she takes very little milk from a cup.
So anyway, I kind of laughed off her offer with a "oh are you going to get your boobs working again then". And she said "oh she doesn't need the boob anymore - you're only doing it for you, not for her".... WTF!!!!
I was too surprised and a bit hurt tbh to retaliate, but I wish I had now. I mean, FFS dd is 11 MONTHS!!! Quite aside from the fact that guidelines say she needs milk til 1, or even 2 according to WHO, dd absolutely does need bf still. Yes, she can survive a day (2 days a week) while I'm at work, but she's still pretty pleased to get it as soon as I get home and she absolutely totally 100% needs it at night.
I'm just so pissed off and annoyed I missed the opportunity to respond to my mum, so just feel I need to rant here so thanks for listening.
My plan for weaning off the boob was to keep offering in the daytime til 1 and then only feed during then day if she demands once she's 1, but to continue with the bedtime and night feeds til she doesn't seem interested anymore. I think she'll be off daytime feeds pretty quickly doing this, but I know the night will take longer as she's really not a great sleeper. I'd assumed my mum would be supportive of me in this as she's been so supportive and I think quite proud of the fact I've ebf (me and my brother were both bf til 1!), but after this comment it's made me feel like she'll be commenting about that the whole time and like I'm going to have to not tell her I'm still feeding at night.
It's all made me feel a bit
I'm not surprise you're annoyed. Fwiw I had similar from a family member, hugely supportive until i went past what she deemed acceptable. It's infuriating!
I would feel the same - what exactly do people mean when they say that anyway?! As if the baby would rather not be breastfed but is just doing it to make us happy...
I would tell her that you were upset by what she said and discuss it with her. Hopefully it was just a throw-away comment that she hadn't really thought through.
No wonder you are pissed off, it's not nice getting criticism from family especially when you expected them to be supportive.
She BF you and your brother until you were one- she must have come under a lot of pressure herself by doing that (assuming you were born in 70s/80s). Maybe you could ask her about her own experiences? Do you think she might be worried that by planning to BF longer than she did you are somehow saying that she didn't do it for long enough?
'just doing it to make us happy"
(she's thoughtful like that, my DD)
Maybe your mum saw the joke you made about her getting her boobs working again as a dig disguised as a joke, so wanted to make a joke (dig) back?
Or maybe its getting to her that she cant have the baby overnight, so is just coming out with comments she doesnt really mean.
Or maybe she bf you and your brother to a year just because she enjoyed it and is just presuming that youre doing the same.
Either way, you both just sound frustrated with the situation (you at her wanting you to stop just so she can have the baby overnight, and her at the fact she cant fulfill her grandparent role fully yet).
Day feeds and night feeds are completely different.
Day babies are completely different from night babies, come to that.
I'd be and too, because she is supposed to be your unconditional supporter but her conditions are coming to the surface.
P.s. i totally get your slight irritation at her wanting to have the baby overrnight, but i think some women just miss having babies and so want to recreate it with their grandchildren, especially when its their daughter whos had the baby and they can get away with it! My mum practically wrestles the pram off me as soon as i arrive and wants to mother my ds the whole time im there. I get slightly irritated (which i didnt think i would do) when she legs it with him when we're out,but i try to think that one day my babies will be grown up,i'll miss them, and i hope they are kind to me with my grandchildren!
I would have been annoyed at that comment too. What sort of benefit do people think it gives mums?
"Are you going to get your boobs working again?" Ouch. Basically saying she is old and past child bearing age. Which obviously she knows but it sounds as if it hurt her. Especially as you are using that as a reason why she can't have her grand daughter overnight.
I think she was just stung by your comment and retaliated.
Join the discussion
Please login first.