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So ready to stop....but DD has other ideas

(31 Posts)
Babygirlpw Thu 02-May-13 11:00:48

My dd is 6.5 months. She refuses to drink from a bottle, sippy cup, etc.

She used to drink breast milk from a bottle on the occasion but now point blank refuses. She won't touch formulahmm

I am so ready to give up bf. I no longer enjoy it, and find myself in tears when I think about having to carry on.

I feel awful for feeling this way, and am worried that it will affect my relationship with my DD as she picks up on my feelings. Not sure why I'm posting-just hoping it helps to write it down.

Be good to know I'm not the only one to feel this way?!

Doretaball Thu 02-May-13 11:11:51

Was just thinking about posting a similar thread. No advice but lots of sympathy. My DD is 6.5m too and won't take a bottle. I really need to get her to take a bottle so that I can do a couple of training days at work. And I'm started to feel 'trapped' by the breastfeeding, I can never have more than 3 hours away. horrible selfish mummy

Any advice gratefully received here too.

NotSoNervous Thu 02-May-13 11:13:55

My DD is 6m and won't take a bottle either. She refused every type of bottle and then we tried NUK with latex teats and they worked a treat and she was taking full feeds on the second attempt. Fast forward a few weeks and she's refusing again. We've tried about 6 different types but she's not interested

Babygirlpw Thu 02-May-13 11:18:51

Hi ladies
Good to hear I'm not alone, but you equally have my sympathies. The guilt for saying i feel 'trapped' is huge, but I know what you mean-three hours is the max I can be away. And tbh after two I start to panic that she'll need milk so can't relax.

Have tried the NUK bottles-they haven't worked.

I hope someone will come along soon with reassurance.

Babygirlpw Thu 02-May-13 11:21:02

Doret-you aren't selfish. I think it's important that our babies can spend a bit of time happy in the company of others. It's hard for DH who would love an afternoon with DD to give me a break-but that's not possible as a result of the bottle situation.

SWStressed Thu 02-May-13 11:22:43

I weaned my son at 8 months and he was very reluctant. The only way we could manage it in the end was to go cold turkey, he was eating some solids by then so I didn't feel too guilty. I missed the morning feed, gave him some breakfast and by lunchtime he gobbled a bottle down given by husband. After a couple of feeds there was no looking back once he realised a bottle was much quicker!

Longdistance Thu 02-May-13 11:25:52

I put both my dd's onto ff at 6 months.

We used tt closer to nature bottles, both were fine on it, and I tried different ff. but, to save money bought the cartons, so if they didn't like that one, then I didn't buy a whole tin, and waste that.
Dd1 liked Aptamil, dd2 liked SMA.
Dd1 would take watered down juice in her tt handled sippy cup, but dd2 was nearly a year before she would like the sippy cups. They were offered every meal, shed try it, but never took to them til she was on cows milk.
I always made sure that the milk was warm.
Dd2 liked the vary flow teats as she could guzzle the milk smile

tomatoplantproject Thu 02-May-13 11:26:34

Watching with interest. Dd is 6mo and won't touch a bottle or cup. In desperation I am going to try and break her over the next couple of weeks by starving her (something I've been really against so far). Any alternative ideas though I'd be willing to try out.

NotSoNervous Thu 02-May-13 16:58:07

Babygirl, sorry to hear that the NUK bottle didn't work for you. One of the only. Ones I haven't tried are the browns bottles so might try that.

I know what you mean about the guilt. I went out for a friends birthday and I would have loved to have had a few drinks and not have rush back in time for the next feed

gwenniebee Fri 03-May-13 23:13:13

I use a medela bottle and make sure the milk is really warm for my very fussy dd - might help a bit?

Startail Fri 03-May-13 23:20:23

Give it another two or three months and try juice not milk in the cup.

DD continued BFing night and morning for years, but happily ate yoghurt and drank dilute juice the rest of the time if I needed to go out.

She still hates milk and never ever took a bottle.

Doretaball Sun 05-May-13 21:39:04

Hi. Quick update from me.

After much deliberation, we bit the bullet and went cold turkey. I expressed at our normal feed times to avoid engorgement and keep my supply going.

I fed her when she woke up at 4.45am. She refused the bottle (ebm) at 9 and at half hour intervals until 11, when she just took bottle and drank 3oz. She then refused any more (other than a couple of sips on 2-3 occasions) until 7pm when she necked about 7oz. She was still showing hungry signs and so I gave her 3oz more and she went to sleep.

I won't lie, it wasn't fun. I was really worried and stressed about her eating so little all day. She actually dealt with it much better than I did. She wasn't distressed unless she was offered the bottle. She really fought the bottle and got herself really cross and upset. So i started just trying once and if she didnt want it, id put it away. She was actually very jolly today. She clearly just wasn't going to drink unless she was really hungry. Have got a bottle ready for tonight, so we'll see how we go.

I wasted quite a lot of milk this morning until I realised it could be kept at room temperature for a good 6 hours safely.

Sorry for long post, just wanted to let you know how I got on. We'll have to see what tomorrow brings.

emsyj Sun 05-May-13 22:08:00

I would be interested to hear more about this. DD1 was a bottle refuser and I ended up bf her til 12 months, then moving straight to cows' milk, which she drank from a cup flat cold from the fridge (thankfully).

I started out giving DD2 a bottle of expressed milk every day from 3 weeks old as I was determined not to do this again - however selfish and un-earth mother it sounds, I felt hugely trapped and desperately miserable never being able to get a break from DD1 (fed every 2 hours, didn't take to solids til 10/11 months, couldn't bloody go anywhere) and so I thought the daily bottle was the answer. Turns out it didn't work sad. DD2 took the bottle until we hit 10 weeks, then refused.

So.... the point is that I wanted to ebf to around 6 months, then wean her off the breast. I had thought that the only realistic way would be to starve her out and I really don't want this to be the answer, but very interested to hear about others' experiences (including experiences of starving baby into submission - is it that bad really??) I just cannot imagine still bf at Christmas, new year and beyond... ((DD2 only 12 weeks at the moment)).

abigboydidit Mon 06-May-13 08:13:14

Just to say I am in exactly the same position! DD is 14 weeks old and I feel the only way I can continue BFing is if she takes a bottle soon (as contradictory as that sounds!). DS is nearly 2 and I am missing out on so much time with him. Haven't done a bedtime for months as the 2 times clash. Find myself stuck in the car feeding when we go on outings as he's too fidgety to take to a cafe while she feeds and I hate sitting feeding in cafes alone as I feel exposed (oddly enough I never minded with DS - guess the novelty has worn off!). Don't think it's helping develop a relationship between DD & DH either as he ends up looking after DS while I feel her (20-30 mins at a time) when we're all together, so DS is now very demanding of his time and has a meltdown if DH touches DD. I would love to spend some alone time with DS and leave DH to play with DD but without a bottle it really wont work. Tried a doidy cup yesterday which she wasn't averse too but I can't see her managing to take anything more than a few licks for a good few weeks.

abigboydidit Mon 06-May-13 08:17:29

Sorry - just to add am also really interested in the idea of persisting with a bottle when baby refuses. I haven't been as my BF counsellor said it can make a baby bottle averse. However I was thinking last night - DD is already bottle averse confused

emsyj Mon 06-May-13 09:35:35

Hello abigboydidit!!! grin

I am coming to the conclusion that the only way I am going to get DD2 to take a bottle is to cold turkey the boob and give it up. I dont' want to do that yet, but once she starts on solids at 6 months-ish I will do it.

I think it will be a lot harder to try and get your DD to switch between the two abigboy - it seems to me that either a baby will happily do that or they won't and there's not much you can do about it either way sad. I would love the convenience of being able to do the morning feed as breast (in bed!!!) and the rest as bottles, but I accept that I may have a stark choice of 'all breast or all bottle'. I wasn't willing to do that with DD1 but I am more tired, grumpy and jaded this time so anything goes!!!

roamingwest Mon 06-May-13 13:42:49

So glad this has come up as a topic - my dd is 4 months, I'm going back to work when she will be 5.5 months and I want to stop breastfeeding by then - I understand the benefits of going to 6 months but we're moving house and she'll be starting nursery all at the same time so I've been advised to stop bf well in advance to minimise no of changes happening all at once.

So I'm fortunate in that after A LOT of effort she will take a bottle, and I've been giving her a bottle of ebm daily. I though I'd be able to drop a feed every week or so, so started with the 2pm feed last week. She'll take an oz or two of formula mixed with ebm but no more, and will either hold out calmly for a breastfeed later on, or get upset, and I think smile has probably realised that if she screams loudly enough I will cave and bf'd her... So is it going to be an all or nothing thing? Dropping feeds gradually is clearly not working, so maybe I'll have to go cold turkey? Unless anyone else has any other ideas...,

emsyj Mon 06-May-13 16:31:21

Slight thread hijack but roamingwest can you tell me what you did to get your DD to take a bottle and how long it took? Thanks smile

roamingwest Mon 06-May-13 17:51:50

Yep emsyj, I used nuk latex teats and was shown a method that is used to get v prem babies to suck, essentially, once the teat is in the baby's mouth you squeeze both their cheeks inwards quite hard; this triggers the sucking reflex, once baby has done it once then they seem to remember how to suck on a bottle..

It looks and feels quite aggressive at first and I wouldn't have had the confidence to do it had I not seen this lactation consultant do it successfully on dd so I knew it would work. I then used the technique giving a bottle of ebm every single day religiously; she is now able to suck on a bottle with just a finger putting v light pressure on one cheek - but like I said will still only take a small volume, the most she has ever had is 4oz but I think that is more because she holds out for a bf as opposed to not knowing what to do with the bottle teat which is usually the issue with most ebf babies.

Hope that helps, not sure if there are any you tube videos available or if you know any NICU nurses they'd be able to show you? I really sympathise it is a massive relief that DD can finally do it smile

emsyj Mon 06-May-13 17:58:24

Oh wow, that is something I have never heard of before so definitely worth a shot! I have just got so fed up with expressing I have given up. I was expressing every day for the bottle and it was just going down the sink, which was soul destroying. I am tempted to try it with formula just so that I don't have to do the expressing bit, but put off doing that before 6 months for some reason.

roamingwest Mon 06-May-13 19:07:10

I was exactly the same - with the first drop of formula I gave her I thought she would melt or something grin. Of course what's best is ebf to 6 months but, like you, expressing just became too much, and I knew she would end up having formula at some point before 6 months anyway. I still have a bit of guilt about it and don't mention it at my breastfeeding group! But do you know what, I'm a doctor, I objectively weighed up the risks and benefits (of the odd bit of formula then switching around 5 months) for my DD e.g. we have no family history of allergies, but you need to make a decision based on your baby and v importantly on your mental health! Sometimes you have to make a decision to just be good enough iyswim.

Babygirlpw Mon 06-May-13 20:46:49

I thought I would update. A day after I posted, I decided I needed to only offer a bottle instead of breast milk. As I originally said, it was really getting me down, and I needed to stop.

DD has been on a bottle for the last three daysgrin the bottle she ended up taking was a mixture of expressed breast milk and formula. Not a lot of breast milk just a small amount (I guess it sweetens the formula). I also warmed the milk far warmer than I had ever done previously. I did still give her solids and offer water too and lots and lots and lots of cuddles!!

I now need to slowly reduce the amount of breast milk in the bottle-which will be fairly straight-forward.

I can say that whilst she does drink from the bottle-it must be properly warmed-she will refuse to drink it if it isn't really warm.

Good luck ladies.

emsyj Mon 06-May-13 21:47:10

Well done OP, that's good to hear! Hope it continues to go smoothly for you.

There is so much emotion and guilt involved with this stuff roamingwest isn't there - especially for me as I bf DD1 for a year and didn't use bottles and formula - I did try and give her a cup of formula from 10 months but she never really bothered with it, just spat it out down her front. So the idea of forcing the issue with DD2 seems a bit, well, cruel. And yet in my head it's simple - my brain is screaming at me, 'Don't do it all again, give it up at 6 months!!!' I think last time it made me - not depressed exactly, but - maybe very down and killed my enthusiasm for everything. It was just drudgery and I was miserable. The thought that I could end up still bf all day and night at Christmas and beyond (which feels like years away at this point) makes me shudder.

lazzaroo Mon 06-May-13 23:02:25

This thread is of interest to me as I'm on my 2nd bottle refuser. Just this weekend I had to miss a theatre trip because I couldn't leave her (got tickets before she was born...being optimistic!). I totallyunderstand the feeling of being trapped. Given the choice Iwoud not still be bf.

We tried everything & every type of bottle. Have decided now to try going straight to cup. She's 4.5 months. We did it with dd1 & in hindsight it was lovely not to have to wean her off bottle. She fairly quickly went to only Friday & last thing, with cup in the day.

That's my new target! Just wanted to give some hope to those who aren't having luck with bottles!

lazzaroo Mon 06-May-13 23:04:43

Oops.....she went first thing & last thing! I wasn't only feeding her on a Friday!!

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