I hate breast feeding!!(33 Posts)
My dd is 8 weeks old and I'm really sorry to say but I hate breastfeeding. We've had nothing but problems since day one (tongue tie, unsettled, cluster feeding 24/7, reflux, colic) and I've had enough. I'm also a human dummy. She feeds all day long and at night has an hour or two of screaming around six, so I then have to take her upstairs to bed and try and calm her down and feed her to sleep.
My dd1 is only 21 months and I'm not being a mother to her at all. I can't put her to bed because the baby just wants to feed and feed and if we r out I cannot spend quality time with her because the baby wakes up and wants feeding. (She spends hours on the breast). I've tried dummies and she spits them out. I wanted to combination feed but now she hates bottles
. My dh says don't give up as dd2 is putting on lots of weight and I have lots of milk ( too much). I've given up dairy to see if that could help so I'm miserable because of that too. I breastfed dd1 until she was 8 months and I really enjoyed it but this time it's so stressful. If it wasn't for dh I wouldn't get to eat as I'm on the sofa feeding. Please someone tell me what to do. It's not getting easier and she isn't feeding regularly.
Oh and we r co sleeping which I'm not very comfortable with. The hv said give her a bottle in the evening but how can I when I don't know when her next feed is as she is feeding constantly through the day. I'm sorry for the depressing rant but I'm litreally at breaking point now.
Just do what's best for you! You have to also look after yourself! A happy mummy means a happy baby! As soon as I give my lb the bottle we were both much happier! He refused the bottle at first but they do more natrual teats now...much like nipples.When baby is really hungry (after a long sleep) try & persist with the bottle.Bf is obviously best but all babies are different all the best
Also if your not sure when her next feed is because it's erratic what about distracting her for as long as you can so you know she's deffo hungry...much easier writing that down than when your actually going through it...it will all work out (eventually) & your older child will be ok I'm sure they somewhat understand when there is a new addition that needs mummy's attention :/)
Has her tongue tie been cut? I really feel for you, breastfeeding can be so difficult in the early weeks and with a tongue tie this is exacerbated a million times. I'd really push for the tie to be severed if this hasn't been done already.
I feel for you! Just try making up a 4-5oz bottle for about 6pm and see how it goes (you can buy small cartons if you don't want to waste money on a big tub).
Just keep persevering with the bottle, or get dad (or your mate etc) to feed her a bottle while you chill out somewhere else.
If BF is making you unhappy, you really don't have to do it. That sounds patronising I know! But sometimes it helps to remember that BF isn't the be all and end all of caring for your baby. You have to look out for yourself too.
Just to echo what PP above said bout getting tongue tie sorted. It is quick, easy, and can prevent a.multitude of issues.
How are you OP? Have you contacted a support line or visited a breastfeeding cafe? I feel for you, I really do. You could ask your OH to give baby a small cup from which to lap, just so you can get a break?
There are so many growth spurts in the first 3 months. You have almost done all the hard work now and you will reap the benefits very soon, as you know. I hope it works out for you x
I read this with interest as I am on week 5 and its not getting easier! I am aiming to get to week 8 before I re-evaluate. Current cluster feed has been going on for several hours and it seems that every other day is like this with him feeding constantly (and he still isn't satiated!). His weight gain is excellent so I am not worried from that point of view - I am just getting exhausted.
Good luck cupcake - I am not knowledgable enough to offer bf advice but suffice to say I feel your pain!!!
itsaruddygame, please be reassured that it's not necessarily the case that you wouldn't have the fussy periods (e.g., cluster feeding) if you were bottle-feeding. I can say from bitter experience that bottle-fed babies can be similarly crabby and wakeful in the evening hours (and at other times too) but the disadvantage is you don't have a nipple to quieten them with. A dummy might work, might not. If it doesn't, yep, it's the rocking, pacing, jiggling, wiggling, cadjoling...... gah.
They do grow out of it though, and you haven't got that long to go probably before things start to improve after the (common) six-week peak of hostilities
You're not alone OP. I hated the first few months of breastfeeding. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I'd stopped with
My first 3 DC (I thought I had to, that they were too big, too hungry etc) and later on when they were older and I wasn't so exhausted, I missed it. At around 3 months it did start to get easier, I just remember thinking one day that the feeds seemed ages apart. (they weren't really, but they were further apart than they had been and it seemed like ages!)
I also get what you mean re cosleeping, I found it difficult when my DD was tiny as I couldn't sleep that well, so this time I'm going to get one of the NCT bedside cribs so I can just scoot the baby over after a feed.
With regard to bedtimes etc. can you use a sling like a Moby wrap so you can feed the baby and keep your hands free?
I wrote a similar post 4 weeks ago. The difference was DD was only 3.5 weeks old. I gave up, as far as I could see, BF had nothing to recommend itself to me. I felt uncomfortable all the time (too much milk and terrible pain - all sorts of pain), plus I felt uncomfortable doing it away from home, although I did. DD took to the bottle straightaway and we're both much happier. I think it saved my sanity. I do have pangs of regret that it didn't work for us but not that many tbh.
You are definitely not alone. I hated it too, although could never admit that to anyone in real life other than DH. My dd2 is now 14 weeks and I'm still feeding. It has settled down, although I still get anxious about never knowing when she's going to be hungry, being sure she's had enough, feel bad when she has bad wind etc etc. I also have a 3 year old and those early weeks were really hard. I really felt I was neglecting her.
Anyway, I had every intention of mixed feeding this time as my dd1 refused a bottle. BUT dd2 won't take a bottle either. We've tried every trick in the book but she won't have it. Won't take dummy either. So, I've had to get used to the idea that I'll have to carry on.
I'm trying to think of the positives....it's cheap, faff free, wean straight o cup and its easy in the night! But I do feel very jealous (resentful even) when I see others bottle feeding or people say 'give her an occasional bottle so you can have a break')....I wish!
Things have gone from bad to worse and she is trying to feed but pulling off and screaming and then chewing on her hands like she is starving. I just can't breastfeed anymore. I thought things would improve once her tt was cut and with the reflux medicine, I've even given up dairy but she has creamed and screamed today and keeps pulling off the breast. I've tried a bottle and she refuses it. I'm so fed up with feeding. I hate not knowing how to help my own daughter and my other daughter is mainly being looked after by we father now. I've hot rock bottom now. She never settles has cried and screamed the whole day. I need her to take a bottle, I can't handle ebf anymore.
Thank you for all sharing your experience and advise I really appreciate it
Do you have a good HV you could talk to about this? Have you tried different styles of bottles/teats? You have done so well getting this far, especially given all the problems you've faced so please try not to get upset as you have given your dd everything you could. Will she take milk from a cup (lapping like somebody suggested) to give you a breather? Speak to a bf counsellor as they should demonstrate how to cup feed. Do you feel like this everyday or is this a particularly bad day? What I mean by that is is it possible to take each day as it comes knowing sometimes you have 'up' days too or is the feeding always a chore? I'm sure you are sick of hearing it but it does get easier. I second the nct bed nests, I used one-lifesaver.
Is she overtired?
I ask this because her behaviour sounds very like my ds1 and when he was screaming but would pull off the breast it was beacuse he was too tired. The only thing we found to resolve it was to take him out in the car (that was the only thing that would get him to sleep) sleeping seemed to reset him. Or I used to take him round my mum and she would rock him/cope with him screaming for a couple of hours whilst I slept.
You really do have my sympathies as my ds1 fed non stop it felt for the first 4 months, and I only had him to contend with. I've no idea how I would have coped if he hadn't been my 1st.
But as others have said it might not matter how you feed you dd2 she still might want feeding a lot and be crying a lot. Also my ds2 (who fed much quicker than ds1 and didn't have to be physically attached to me to be happy - had to be in my arms all the time though), wouldn't ever take a bottle.
Also the other thing I just remember is if you've fed her and she is still screaming, you know it's because she's not hungry. Could your DP take her out for a walk in the pram even if she's screaming so you can either have some peace or spend some time with your dd1. It took me a long time to realise that a fed screaming baby would be fine with someone else sorting them out for a couple of hours before they needed another feed.
Have you considered a stretch wrap sling, like a kari me or a moby? I found mine a life saver with a fussy DD and have hear it's v helpful with colic.
Your OH could carry baby in the sling while you get a break? The slings are cosy and similar to a swaddling sensation but with the added bonu of human contact. They're very VERY soothing for babies and my DD used to be instantly chilled as soon as she went in.
As for the bf, you clearly aren't enjoying it, and want to stop BUT your baby isn't playing ball and you are going to have to keep going at least until you manage to get her to take a bottle. Have you been to a bf group? Or looked at kelly mom.
What kind of bottles are you using? breastflow bottles are supposed to be the most similar to an actual breast and your DD might be more likely to take milk from them. Perhaps try expressing first and ff later?
you can do stuff with DD1 even if you're feeding.
have a big box of activity stuff by your feeding chair, and when you need to feed, get DD1 to pull something out and do it together.
if the box is one with a flat top, then use that as a tray.
i'm thinking: playdough, colouring/drawing/crayons, jigsaw puzzles, Duplo, sewing kits, a few touchy feely story books, etc.
you can get DD1 to think of stuff that she'd like to do that can go in the box (our 99p shop has loads of sewing kits and stuff that would be useful)
then you'll have plenty of time to spend with her without worrying about getting up.
also when it's lunchtime/snacktime for her, do it sitting with you. set up a low table and chair with you. and chat
My eldest daughter works on a kiddies ward looking after newborns. She has been looking at the pros and cons of breastfeeding and her view is that, while breast is probably marginally best in terms of nutrition etc, the advantages over formula for modern western women are nowhere near as great as they are often cracked up to be.
In other words, she says, bottle fed babies turn out absolutely fine the overwhelming majority of the time and women should be left to decide how to feed their own children without pressure.
I've been feeding her pretty much all day. She screams when she is on the breast and off the breast, isn't very settled at all. When I think she couldn't possibly be hungry she starts to chew her hands. Breastfeeding worked well with my first but I just can't see how it can work this time. We are going on holiday in a weeks time and my dh asked if I could keep going until after our holiday but I really don't think I can carry on anymore. She seems in real pain at the moment, screaming and very hungry. Luckily we are seeing the doctor tomorrow but nothing is calming her down, mint a sling, car ride, rocking, feeding. I really wish she would take a dummy but she won't. I really can't afford to try anymore bottles but I will have to. It's really starting to make me really depressed all the struggling with feeding and her crying. I just want to enjoy my daughters and right now I'm not enjoying either of them. I feel like I really messed things up for both of them having children close together.
OP you have my sympathies the current situation sounds so hard. I've been there with Dd. She was 13 weeks prem, tongue tied, lip tied and had reflux so bad she'd go blue and floppy. And I had 2 yr ds. Those were dark days. It sounds to me like the reflux is unresolved. What meds is dd on? Only a large dose of omeprazole helped us. Ranitadine ws ok but gaviscon was hopeless. Also has she had ibuprufen recently as that can be awful for refluxers. We eventually found out dd had cmpi and Ive been dairy free since nov 2011 and it changed our lives totally. But it took a month to 6 weeks for the dairy to leave our systems and for it to work. And for us it had to be total elimination as even trace amounts in things like bread, stock cubes and other randoms left her inconsolable. And like a third of cmpi babies I had to ditch soya too as she was having issues with that too... but shes 19 months old and still bfing with no reflux symptoms at all - something I never imagined possible in those dark early days. But if youve had it... and god knows I'd understand why then push for a trial of a true hypoallergenic formula like neocate. It too can be pretty bliddy miraculous for refluxers.
I'm sorry that I don't have any answers but wanted to reply because, honestly, I felt like you did not so long ago. I was desperate & crying (a lot) because I had my heart set on switching to bottle or at least using a dummy but it wasn't happening. I felt completely trapped as I obviously had no choice but to carry on feeding. I have spent a fortune on various bottles, and bought a sling, but dd2 won't have any of it. She was also unsettled for the first few weeks & hv suspected reflux. But having had this with my first, I know it's not. I also have cut dairy from my diet. Everything you say rings very familiar to me. I suffered massive guilt about dd1 (aged 3) as I felt I was spending all my time feeding, or winding or trying to settle baby for sleep. You haven't messed up.
I posted several times with my anxieties but we'd tried everything suggested. people saying 'it'll settle down' really didn't help! I didn't want it to settle down, I wanted to stop but couldn't.
Anyway, I'm waffling. Dd2 is now 14 weeks. Things have got better. She still won't take a bottle or a dummy. She's a terrible sleeper so I'm feeding often but I've somehow come to terms with it. dd1 is so patient & helpful....and I often see her with her dolly, pulling her top up to feed her ' booby milk'!
I hope the dr has been of some help today. As others have said I would recommend getting her reflux meds checked and playing with them a bit. My dd had bad reflux and improved once the meds were right she was still a bit of a pain to feed though but not nearly as bad. My ds is 12 weeks today and he has had his tt snipped and also has reflux though different to my dd - just projectile vomits rather than screaming in pain. He too is a pain to breastfeed.
Sorry if this sound crazy to you (the bf counsellors think I'm mad!) but what works with him when he is screaming and being impossible to feed is to put the hairdryer on - it calms him down enough for him to latch and feed properly. It doesn't always work and it isn't the ideal solution by any means but if you have tried everything else and your dc wont accept a bottle then it might be worth a try. When he screams now my dd (3) says mummy shall I get the dryer!
We have only given him a bottle to give him his gaviscon but he seemed to take to the medela calma (our bottle came with my pump - if you have any friends with small babies it might be worth asking them if they have the medela swing and if so whether they have the bottle that came with it that you could try?!). We did, however, have to resort to the hairdryer to get him to take it the first time - also i dipped the teat in the breast milk so he could smell it as to begin with he just kept flicking it out of his mouth and screeching.
I hope you get there with the bottles. I dont want be all doom and gloom but a word of warning when we moved my dd to bottles she was still a pain to feed it wasn't a solution in itself but at least I could get others to feed her to give me a break from it all.
I am really sorry you are going through this my experience with my dd really made me question whether I could have another baby as it was so tough and this time round I have spent a lot of time in tears getting frustrated feeding my ds and also upset because I can't spend time with my dd.
I hope things get better.
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