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Anyone With Knowledge of Stopping BF Please Help?

(25 Posts)
woopsidaisy Fri 12-Apr-13 18:30:05

Hi. Some of you may already have read previous posts. But I have been thinking and decided that perhaps I do need to act. As DS3 really does need better sleep.
DS3 is nearly 8 mo. Never took to a bottle or soother. So EBF. Weaned at 6 mo, just whatever we eat. Going well.
But he wakes every 45 mins/ 1hr, all night every night. Sometimes just a wee suck, other times for 20 mins. Then back into his cot/my bed as good as gold.
I know he doesn't need the milk. I know it is just comfort. I think he cant actually get into a deep sleep because he "needs" the breast to fall asleep. It is the same for naps. Feed to sleep then wake 45 mins later. He is tired.
I did try one night with expressed milk in a sippy cup-which he uses for water in the day. He cried so much with DH, it broke my heart....
Has any one been here before? And what did you do? I really don't know if I can go cold turkey....he is so small and doesn't understand. And will cold turkey help him with the association of breast to sleep?!?
I was goig to wait until he was a year and hope he would stop himself. I still may. But today I just thought "Maybe he does need help?" Im coping fine with the waking up btw, but would love some alcohol! grin

Ellie86 Fri 12-Apr-13 19:21:26

I'm having the exact same problem with my 11 month old son, he's exclusively breastfed never had a bottle. He also weaned at 6 months brilliantly and uses a cup through the day but he likes to be attached to me all night he never sleeps for longer than an hour!! Would love some advice on how to stop also. I've tried cold turkey and it's to hard I felt so guilty. We could both do with a good nights sleep sad

KristinaM Fri 12-Apr-13 19:25:10

You can have the odd drink when you are bf. lots of information here

It's far more risky for your baby for you to give up than to have the odd glass of wine . If that's the only reason you want to stop

KristinaM Fri 12-Apr-13 19:26:52

Ellie -you can't stop cold turkey, it's bad for you and your baby. You need to do it gradually . There's lots of advice on weaning on the kellymom site I linked to

girliefriend Fri 12-Apr-13 19:30:21

I think you just have to support him in learning how to settle himself, it will take a few nights and you will have to be consistant. You will also have to try and work out when he is genuinely hungry and when it is just comfort.

sugarandspite Fri 12-Apr-13 19:30:34

I'm sorry if I've misunderstood but rather than stopping BF before you had planned to, could you not try teaching him to settle on his own to sleep after a breastfeed? I think most people agree that this is more likely to improve sleep than just switching to formula would.

We did this with DD. She was a bit older (18months) and I loosely followed advice in The No Cry Sleep Solution which is v gentle and all about breaking the feed-to-sleep association. The biggest change we made was reorganising the bedtime routine so it went bath, feed, story, into cot so she learned to go to sleep without a feed.

She was upset for maybe 3 nights, I just stayed with her stroking and reassuring and she soon got the hang of going to sleep without a feed. In the night when she woke, I would feed and put her down awake and stay with her until she fell asleep.

Just the change in bedtime routine had a phenomenal impact on her sleep and she slept for longer chunks and settled herself in between.

Ellie86 Fri 12-Apr-13 19:32:04

Thanks I'll have a look. I've cut down a lot through the day, it's just through the night I'm having bother with can't see how he's ever going to sleep without feeding

woopsidaisy Fri 12-Apr-13 19:47:05

Thanks you, so much good advice for myself and others! I was afraid I'd be told to cc, I just couldn't do it. And he gets so upset, straight away.
I was going to express for feeds as opposed to formula.
And I have had the odd glass of Cava- but I'm getting to the stage where I would like a bottle! grin
I just need to bite the bullet and give it a go....

Ellie86 Fri 12-Apr-13 20:00:24

I'm going to give that ago and hopefully a change in routine will help. Thank you so much for advice smile x

woopsidaisy Sat 13-Apr-13 19:23:42

I'm going to order No Cry Sleep Solution, and start trying to give beakers of expressed milk in the day. Then try to tackle the night.

AlanMoore Sun 14-Apr-13 23:24:48

I'll be watching this with interest. My nearly 11mo was a great sleeper and easy to settle until about four weeks ago, now only I will do and I have to feed him for ages (much longer than ever before) multiple times a night, I can't do ANYTHING in the evening because he cluster feeds like a newborn and we are deranged with it. He won't take a bottle or any formula at all from anything, we are co sleeping and there's nowhere else to put him (he used to sleep in buggy in evening then transfer to bed but now he's ON ME all the frickin' time) and he is way too big and manic to sling (and I sold my sling to a lovely MN lady) so please don't suggest it. Sorry for hijack! I also gave my copy of NCSS away because it was no help whatsoever with DC1 blush

AlanMoore Sun 14-Apr-13 23:25:48

oh yeah and he eats loads and has lots of breastmilk in the day...

woopsidaisy Mon 15-Apr-13 00:25:40

Groan, this is not what I needed to hear AlanMoore! Especially about the NCSS.
DS has just slept for 2 hrs- the longest stretch for...well, the longest stretch! grin

AlanMoore Mon 15-Apr-13 02:30:16

Sorry sad
If its any consolation I can't remember why I didn't like the book!

Kveta Mon 15-Apr-13 04:57:47

You could try night weaning, as a gentle way to encourage sleep. My DS 'slept' like yours, and night weaning helped stop me going mad. Will try and post in the morning

woopsidaisy Mon 15-Apr-13 07:22:58

Yes please Kveto.

Kveta Mon 15-Apr-13 08:17:21

right, am awake now grin

when we night weaned DS, we had a rough idea of when he was waking - so he was going to bed at 8p, then waking at 10, 11, 12.30, 2, 3, 4, and up for the day at 5 (he was a bit older than your DS at the time btw, but the principle is the same).

We decided the 12.30 feed needed to go, so the first night when he woke at 12.30 (ish) we offered him water, and then DH or I rocked him back to sleep, then inevitably fed him at 2 when he hadn't slept. Took a few nights, but he stopped waking at 12.30 after a while. Then we targeted the 2am feed. And so on.

He wasn't sleeping through the night until he was 3.3 (3 months ago!) and all his teeth were in, and the recurrent ear infections seem to be under control now - but we got him to start sleeping the odd 4-5 hour chunk, and got regular day time naps established once night weaning was underway, which made us both feel a whole lot less murderous. It also meant DH could deal with him better, as he could be offered water rather than having to be latched on to me - previously, I had always always fed him to sleep.

We co-slept with him until he was about 18 months too, just to get some sleep - there is nothing wrong with doing so, and if it is the only way he sleeps, then co-sleep.

I didn't find NCSS any good for us, because it was too wordy - I needed short and sweet solutions after so little sleep for so long! I found 'teach your child to sleep' by Millpond was a good read, and has lots of different scenarios and easy to follow solutions - ranging from cry it out, to gradual withdrawal. Gradual withdrawal was what worked for us in the end, when we trained DS to go to bed without being cuddled. Took a couple of months, but well worth the effort.

Anyway, there is no need to stop bfing - we kept going until DS turned 3, but he was only on 1 feed a day by then (for about 6 months!).

best of luck smile

Kveta Mon 15-Apr-13 08:19:38

oh, and regarding naps - would he sleep in a sling or buggy for more than 45 minutes? We find DD (10 months) sleeps better when we are moving about, so if she needs a really good nap, I plonk her in the buggy or strap her on to my front, and off we go. She is better at sleeping than ds ever was though, and so we haven't felt the need to sleep train her, or night wean, or move her from our bed. yet...

sugarandspite Mon 15-Apr-13 08:38:07


Have a look at Dr Jay Gordon's nightweaning method. It's nice and gentle and designed for cosleeping families. We used a version of it when we nightweaned and it did work.

Although if your DC is cluster feeding before going to sleep maybe its more to do with a growth spurt? I think there's a huge one at about a year iirc.

woopsidaisy Thu 18-Apr-13 19:00:24

Kveta, thank you so much for posting that! So interesting and exactly what I'm after.
CanI ask, did DS cry when DH went in? If DH goes in- even to cuddle for a minute until I come, DS will become so upset- really crying and getti g in a state. That is what I struggle with,the sobbing.

WouldBeHarrietVane Thu 18-Apr-13 19:46:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WouldBeHarrietVane Thu 18-Apr-13 19:46:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoniBottsBumgina Thu 18-Apr-13 20:00:17

You can have a bottle and breastfeed. You'd have to be almost dead before your milk hits 1 percent proof smile if you are Co sleeping obviously you can't do that after drinking, though.

I seem to remember some kind of sleep regression or growth spurt at 8 months. DS was quite unsettled. But at 10 months he started rolling away from me after feeding before he fell asleep and then got to the point where he'd wake in the night and all he wanted was reassurance that I was there. He would look at me and then go back to sleep. I probably would have tried him in his own room at 1 if I hadn't have left XP at that time.

YoniBottsBumgina Thu 18-Apr-13 20:04:15

They do get to a stage where they are happy to be settled by someone else eg Dad, just sounds like your LO isn't there yet.

woopsidaisy Thu 18-Apr-13 22:06:26

No, not yet. Still wants mummy.
I'm bfing again, the 3 time since 7pm. But he just cuddles in, has a suck for a minute then pops off and is fast asleep.
He always woke at least 6 times a night, since born. It has been every 45 mins/hour since end of Feb.
To answer some of the other suggestions , he goes into his cot for first half of night and co sleep for the rest of the night. No change in frequency of wakings.
He has lots of water through the day. He takes 2/3 good bf during the day, and more "snack" feeds. If older brothers are around he is only interested in them!
Thank you all so much for the input. I would just love some blocks of sleep! Hourly wake ups for months at a time are pretty tiring.

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