Feeling odd for bf past 6m(32 Posts)
My DD is just 6mo. We've started blw and introduced a bit of formula for when I go back to work at 9mo (cant get much off when I express). However, loads of people have asked/told me I should stop bf now. When I say I'm going to till at least a year I've had so many cat bum mouths! My DH is very supportive and agrees a year minimum (I'm very lucky that after a rocky start bf has been very easy for me)
So as my friends all start to stop bf-ing and DM and MIL start pulling faces when I talk about it, please help me not feel like a freak (I know MN is the place for this)
DCs are much cleverer than we give them credit for.
DD wouldn't take a bottle of formula from anyone, but she'd take a cup of juice and a baby yoghurt instead if I went out.
She worked out that not asking to be BF at night improved mum's temper no end. No way would she have been BF to well into school had she not sussed this!
My dd is 7mo, blw, ebf and wakes ALL night to feed/comfort suck and yes I've been getting in the ear from my fils unhelpful partner...
." well if you bottle fed I could take her overnight"
As if the only reason she needed me was for my boobs...horrid woman. She has also commented on how feeding older babies is pretty disgusting. I am avoiding her at all costs and ignoring her. She is very much in danger of me shouting 'youre not even her grandmother'
Anyway...some of my mummy friends are moving to mixed feeding in the day which I'm not planning on doing. I say so what's best for you and your baby, which at 6mo they most definitely still are babies! I know continuing bf is best for us.
Do as you see fit.
I've been surprised that breastfeeding is the parenting issue most ppl have commented on to me despite them having less knowledge and less or no experienc of it. Sometimes their comments were so rude!
Fwiw my ds stopped feeding from me when he was just over 2 years. I was pregnant at the time. He's 2.5 now and I often give him a cup of ebm (good for him and extra calories burned fom me).
When faced with unwanted comments I either ignored, explained gently, or rolled my eyes depending on the person / situation.
After many, many opinions from DM and DB I finally told my DB that if I heard one more opinion on bf from
him anyone I would tell him them to stick his their opinion up his their arse. Its a shame it came to that but it did the trick.
It is completely normal and natural to feed past 6 mo, it might not fit in with other people's agendas (DM didn't bf as it wasn't encouraged in 60s and 70s, DBs wife didn't bf because she thought it was yucky) but that is their issue, not yours.
If anyone raises it again tell them it is your decision and you are not discussing it again.
I could have written the op! Dd will be six months towards the end of this month and I have decided to aim for 1 year. Dp understands and is supportive, as is my mum but I know some other people are a bit cat's bum mouth about it.
Dd used to take a bottle of ebm bit has been refusing this just recently so I'm more than happy to feed her myself. And it isn't stopping me from doing anything I want to. I know we're in the minority so I just feel like we have to rise above it- unfortunately we're doing something that isn't statistically 'normal', so people are going to raise eyebrows.
6 months! You are not odd! I'm BF DD at 14 months and proud as you should be!
Agree with the others. You aren't being oversensitive but there is no need to text anyone other than DH about feeding.
As ali says, at 9 months, she will be fine with a big feed in the morning, and one when you pick up. She can always have a bit of milk in a cup if she wants it when you are at work.
Agree too, at 6 months you've done all the hard work. Why would you want to give up when its so easy now?
If sleep is an issue, formula and solids probably wouldn't help anyway. Have your read Sound Sleep by Sarah Woodhouse?
My (normally very lovely) mil once said "you'll probably find you'll want to give up bf when DD is 6 mths". She got The Death Glare and it was never mentioned again. I don't think you're over sensitive, well no more than me! It's really no-one's else's business. Why are you texting your DM about bottles/feeding? It just gives them ammunition for unnecessary comments. I realise that she'll be looking after your DD in a few months but you don't need to give her ammo in the meantime. I was in a similar position with DD, she just had a bottle at lunchtime when I went back to work. It will all work out fine
God I could have written this post myself, only half an hour ago I was having that converstaion with my OH after a visit from the MIL asking when I was going to stop breastfeeding again! For me it has only just got easy and I'v only just really started to appreciate the bond I have with my DD and I really enjoy it now! Why would I do all the hard work just give up just as it gets good!
Hello frak! I keep meaning to come over and say hello...
OP - just tell your Mum that she is upsetting you. The WHO recommends BFing alongside food until at least age 2 - that recommendation is for the UK as well as for developing countries. You are doing what makes you and your baby happy, and at the same time doing what is best for both your health.
Also - don't stress about the formula. There is a huge, huge difference between a 6 month old and a 9 month old. By 9 months your DD will be eating much more, drinking water with her meals and so on. If she ends up having very little formula and then having a big feed from you when you get in then that will be fine
I bfd dd1 til 15mths because she fell asleep on boob at night and I was too chicken to change method incase she never slept again. I didnt tell anyone, i just ignored the off remarks. That was a far bigger worry to me than cat bum mouths.
Ill do til about a year this time because I think I want to. To hell with everyone else. Do what u feel is right. It's ur boob and baby.
Just as an aside, you might find your Dd takes more formula from your mother than from you. My DS1 would never take it from me but would happily take it if I wasn't there (I thought about weaning him off the breast at 6 mths but didn't in the end although he had some formula from time to time if I leave him somewhere). That being the case you need never mention bf to her again - as far as she is concerned your Dd has formula.
Please try and stop thinking about it so much! It makes you and your family happy, so that's enough. Take each day as it comes. No justification needed, your family will have to like it or lump it. A bf group sounds like a good place for you, especially to give you the support you are lacking slightly from your own mum. You sound like you are doing a grand job!
I understand that you feel sensitive. I hit that stage briefly - I think most first time EBFers do - but if you power through it, lay in a good stock of one liners and act like it's the most natural thing in the world (which it is) then it's surprising how little those kind of comments come to mean. You do what is right for you and your DD - everyone else has the right to do what's right for them but that doesn't include sabotaging your BFing.
<slight hijack> Ali where have you been hiding?!
Wow, thanks all. I know I'm doing the right thing for my DD, she really isn't a fan of formula (getting a few oz down her is such an effort but I have to keep going with it) She gets so much comfort from bf-ing and I know it's the best thing for her. I've done the whole 'food for fun till 1' thing and I get 'well we're just thinking of you and not coping with the lack of sleep' (DD still feeds every 2 hours at night).
I know it's nothing to do with anyone else but I feel like I'm trying to justify myself. I feel like others think I'm doing it for myself. I text my mum the other night (she'll be looking after DD when I work 2 days) saying we'd managed 2 oz from a bottle and she replied 'the less breast she has from now on is better in my opinion'. I just ignored her but it hurt. I know I'm probably being over sensitive about it.
Ignore ignore ignore. Do what you want/what feels best for your family. I bf dd to sleep at night. She's 2 YO. I started out just wanting to make it to 6 months, then a year, then see how things go to 2 years. Honestly in so many countries it's the norm for years. In my experience feeding to a year for many people who bf is the norm.
I also found it helped to be with other mums who were still bfing. I went to nct working mums group once a week which was full of bfing mums. or there might be a bfing cafe near you?
6 months is still tiny.
I fed ds1 till he was 10 months and only stopped 'cos he started buying me really hard. the last straw was when he turned his head and bit my arm and gave me a bruise.
I fed ds2 till he was 2. I just kept repeating to people that the WHO recommends bfing to the age of 2. you just have to be really assertive about your decision (and act as though the other person is really stupid for even suggesting it).
I don't really see what it's got to do with anyone else anyway.
My two year old is still BFing, my eldest stopped the day before his 2nd birthday,
Exactly what hope said.
When I had dc1 and the HV came for her first appointment, she said I was the only mum on her books bfing and she was amazed I'd made it to 2 weeks. If I'd listened to dmil I wouldn't have even tried bfing.
Try to ignore them. You can always quote the old reliable "things have changed, its recommended for a mimimum of 2 years now", "this works for us all as a family" or even "I'm trying to get on the next episode of Extreme Bfing, thought we'd carry on until she's in high school"
It might help you if you went to a local bfing support group, you will meet some local bfing mums and not feel so alone.
Are you going back to work full time? I went back at 10 months and didnt bother with formula during the day, they had food and water and I bf first thing, when I picked them up and before bed. Give one of the bfing helplines a call and they'll talk you through how much she'll need at 9 months and how to reduce your feeds so you don't end up with mastitis when you start back.
You are doing brilliantly, especially as you had a rocky start. Just look at what you've achieved already
18 month old who was here last week had a quick mid afternoon BF. I'd forgotten. So many of my DF, DSIL and myself BF preschoolers, he's still a baby to me.
You are most definately NOT a freak. Ignore the people who tell you to stop. And ignore DM and MiL, they are behaving selfishly. You should only stop when you and DD are ready, not when somebody else tells you to.
It is good that DH supports you.
Do you have a local breast feeding support group that has parents who have fed for longer? They may be able to help you with ways to deal with the negative comments.
Nothing to do with them.
BF for as long as you and DD want to.
DD1 was never EBF she hated BFing and gave up totally at 5 months.
DD2 carried on well past 6 years.
Honestly it is no body else's business and DCs often move to mornings and evenings only so people only know if you tell them.
I bf till my daughter was 13 months. I got grief from the start for being 'selfish', but I found after about 9 months it doesn't really come up in conversation and people assume you've stopped. If people asked, I told them, but didn't feel it was anyone else's business. Just smile and say yes in a tone that suggests its not open for discussion, thankyouverymuchleavemealone!
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