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Should I just give up bfing?

(49 Posts)
Cupcakemummy85 Sun 17-Mar-13 07:40:34

My dd2 is 4 weeks old now and we've had all sorts of problems with bfing. From extremley windy to being sick a lot to feeding for 7 hours straight. Dd1 is 20 months and I'm exhausted. Dd2 is doing so well, gaining lots of weight but she is never really settled and constantly needs to go on the breast. A few days ago I ended up feeding her for 7 hours which nearly killed me and mentally broke me. Her latch has been checked, I've spoken to bf counsellors, we r seeing doc and tongue tie clinic again next week to check it hasn't grown back.
Yesterday I gave her my milk in bottles and she seemed so much better. She also had formula and everyone said I should just go straight to formula. It makes me really sad as I fed dd1 for 8 months and I'm frustrated because its not working this time. I keep telling dh that even after formula she still needs the breast for comfort. He keeps saying she's too sick on my milk and it's causing her pain so why would I want to cause her pain. It's making me very upset. I have no support to carry on bfing. Dh thinks the stress of bfing will bring on PND again but not will probably bring it on again too as the guilt will just overwhelm me.

zoobaby Sun 17-Mar-13 08:30:54

Hi cupcake. Didn't want to read and run. Please just do whatever is best for you and your LO. No-one has the right to question or judge your decision and your DH needs to support whatever that is. Only you can decide.

I don't think there is failure with BF. Just different problems and solutions that are unique to different women and different DCs.

I'm certain there will be some very knowledgeable people along soon who will be able to offer some great advice (Sunday morning and all).

Hope you find a solution you're both happy with.

Jayne266 Sun 17-Mar-13 08:40:35

I had to give up bf for medical reasons and He had more windy/tummy issues.

But I never looked back and it felt really nice as DH could feed him also. But I got a lot of comments about this and people made me feel horrible for not doing it.

You pick which one is best for you both.

tiktok Sun 17-Mar-13 09:01:39

sad sad Cupcake....I have read a number of posts from you, and it is so sad you are struggling like this.

Your dh and you are not on the same wavelength about this - you are experiencing a lot of difficulty but your milk is not making your dd sick or making her experience pain.

The main issue seems to be the length of time your baby is needing to be on or near the breast. It's not possible to see from your posts how literally it is that she is feeding non-stop for this number of hours, or if it is she needs to be close to you and prefers to nap/sleep in your arms/at your breast. This could be managed more easily I think, but you need someone in your real life who understands about bf, who understands how bf is important to you, and who will listen to your feelings. Who is the 'everyone' telling you to completely switch to formula? They are not helping! Find someone else you can trust and develop a plan to cope better with this stage of your dd's needs - is there anyone you have consulted so far who can help in this way?

Cupcakemummy85 Sun 17-Mar-13 09:21:56

The "everyone" is my dh and his family. My mil feed my dh and his brother on formula very early on and says I should just get on with it think about my dd1 an do the same. There is noting wrong with formula and if there was tey would tell mothers to give it to our children when they r six months or vitamins. But, I've been trying so hard to keep going and it would b so frustrating to just how up now. My dd2 really is litreally in my breat sucking for hours upon hours. She cries in pain and fusses and is sick a lot after comin off the breast. I've not gone to dd1's play groups because I've been to so many breast feeding groups and I'm starting to really feel guilty about that. I fed my dd2 non stop for seven hours two days ago and my dh said he's had enough its not fair on anybody. It's a horrible feeling knowin I'm making everyone in my family sad. I'm going to the doctors next week and I'm hoping they can shed some light on why my dd2 is crying at the breast in pain, won't settle and has a ridiculous amount of wind. It's not that she wants to nap on me or be close to me, I have a sling and use it but se searches for the breast and wants to drink. When u see it it's obvious she has runny pain and wants to relive it. I feel really sorry for my whole family. I'm not sure what to do.

HerrenaHarridan Sun 17-Mar-13 09:29:55

You are not causing you baby pain that is a horribly cruel thing to say.

I'm not going to tell you to continue or stop.

If YOU want to continue, do.

It doesn't sound to me like you do though. Ignore detractors!

Remember it gets easier as baby gets better at it. smile

HerrenaHarridan Sun 17-Mar-13 09:32:01

Also, have you tried eliminating various things from your diet?

Cupcakemummy85 Sun 17-Mar-13 09:41:04

I want to continue, but I want the 7 hour marathons to stop. I'm no stranger to breastfeeding and I know it perfectly normal for a baby to feed for hours, my other dd used to comfort suck for hours, we used to fall asleep in bed with her using me as a dummy. I'm actually scared of stopping as its so much easier to comfort a baby when u breastfeed and that is exactly what I did with dd1. It hurts me to see my baby in so much pain and I'm worried its my milk. I'm trying my absolute best to cut out dairy. Which is so hard for me as I'm a big lover of all things dairy and don't have the strongest bones in the world. It could also b her tongue tie is still a problem and wasn't sorted. I'm hoping the doctor and the tongue tie lady can help me shed some light on what's going on. She's in pain, windy (both ends, more the bottom end ;) ) unsettled and being sick. It's very distressing and stressful for my dh and I. I don't think a day has go r by we haven't argued yet.

SoftSheen Sun 17-Mar-13 09:42:12

Sorry you're having such a tough time cupcake I'm not an expert but I just wanted to make a couple of points:

-The first 6-8 weeks are usually the toughest. Perhaps if you could stick it out a bit longer then things might improve by themselves?

-If DD is feeding for several hours at a time, it might be that she just needs to be close to you rather then being constantly hungry. Have you tried putting her in a sling so that she can sleep on you whilst you do other things? Some people also manage to bf in a sling (though I personally never got the hang of this).

Good luck and I hope things get better for you soon smile

kernowmissvyghen Sun 17-Mar-13 11:22:02

Oh Cupcake, poor you! I've been wondering how things have been going (I posted on your earlier thread).

You said breastfeeding isn't working this time- well, it is, your DD is alive and gaining weight, being nourished by your milk. It IS working!

She may have a medical issue that is causing her discomfort and needs to suck a lot to make herself feel better. Or the tongue tie might have regrown- a medical issue that can be fixed. You've arranged appointments, so for now that's all you can do in that department.

You breastfeeding isn't the thing causing the problem, that's a daft thing for your DH to think. And not particularly helpful of him either. The problem is a separate issue. Might it help to have a talk with him on those lines?

I don't want to demonise your DH because having a newborn is tough for everyone in the family. Maybe he's forgotten how tough having a newborn is? Or maybe he's worried about you getting pnd again and wants to try to make things more controllable ( along the lines of "bottle fed babies only feed every 4hrs, my mum told me so, if only DW would bottle feed, DD would conform to my mother's 1970s ideas about infant feeding"- nonsense of course, and totally ignores the fact that there's a reason why your DD is feeding like this, probably a medical reason. But if that is his thought process it should be easier to make him see sense than just having a row about it.

One suggestion for today: can DH put her in the sling and take her out for a walk so you can have a break / some time with your other one? I get that she will probably protest, but you need a break and she will survive for an hour with her dad.

Hang in there, you are doing a difficult job very well!

kernowmissvyghen Sun 17-Mar-13 11:33:21

Oh, and please try to stop worrying about DD1! At 20 months she isn't going to know that she's not been to 4 sessions of play group, and it will not have harmed her at all!

Round here all playgroups etc stop for 6 weeks every summer- that doesn't harm or upset any of the children who go, so it really is a non- issue. Don't beat yourself up about things that don't matter.

BuntyCollocks Sun 17-Mar-13 12:08:52

Not an expert, but your dd sounds like she may have reflux? Symptoms are ringing alarm bells for me - wanting to constantly feed and being sick. They want to feed as the feeding soothes their little poorly tums, but they over feed and therefore are sick, causing the cycle to begin again.

Formula will not solve that.

Could also be tongue tie: if she is tied again, she can't form a proper seal on the breast, so she takes in air, leading to lots of wind.

Cupcakemummy85 Sun 17-Mar-13 20:41:30

It's so worrying. I hope the doctor can help if it is reflux. She just had one of her cluster feeding marathons and then threw up a lot of milk. I feel so sorry for her. It's really distressing to see your baby throw up so much. Now she will want to feed some more because she has thrown up so much sad

stargirl1701 Sun 17-Mar-13 20:46:45

Could it be silent reflux?

piggyboo Sun 17-Mar-13 20:51:50

just a thought but could it be cows milk protein intolerance? i know you said lo had had formula before but with ds it was the third time he had formula that he had a real reaction to it. whilst i was bf he was always really sicky and like you i thought formula might help. he then had a reaction to the formula every time i gave it he would projectile vomit til he brought up bile. luckily i hadn't stopped bf altogether so pu him back on bm and cut out dairy myself which was really hard at first. he was like a different baby after 2 weeks. he is now more settled, less needy and is sick much less. Just a suggestion.
Also as the others said bf gets so much easier, we are now at 6 months and its going really well, the early days are hard.

Cupcakemummy85 Sun 17-Mar-13 21:11:59

I tried cutting out dairy and I failed miserably. I'm going to talk to the doctor about it and see what she says but I will try to cut it out for good starting tomorrow. Monday is always a good day to start with these things. I just want her to b more settled and not seem to b in so much pain and being so sick all the time. Everything is being covered in sick now is horrible.

kernowmissvyghen Sun 17-Mar-13 23:47:05

Good luck tomorrow! As you say, new week, new start. Will be thinking of you.

abi2790 Mon 18-Mar-13 09:30:50

Hi cupcake I'm sorry you feel like this sad Hope this helps... my ds was exactly the same in the first few weeks and I was so close to giving up but I'm so glad I stuck at it! he's still a sticky baby now but that's nobody's fault and for anybody to make you feel that you are putting your baby through pain is horrible, especially when it's the people that are meant to support you the most. it is your decision on how to feed your baby and you shouldn't feel guilty either way smile

Cupcakemummy85 Tue 19-Mar-13 14:27:32

We went to the doctor today and she said it sounds like reflux and gave us gaviscon and we have to give it to her in a bottle. I'm not 100% convinced its a cows milk intolerance but I'm going to cut dairy out and see what happens. Can I just cut out milk and see how that goes or dies it have to be everything? I don't eat too much of other things that are dairy just perhaps a lot if milk.

stargirl1701 Tue 19-Mar-13 14:39:24

Oh, Cupcake I hope that works. For bf mums it's a bit of a faff I think. DD was very constipated on infant Gaviscon. If it is no better in a week I would advise returning to the GP and asking for Ranitidine.

tiktok Tue 19-Mar-13 14:44:38

Cupcake, glad the doc listened to you smile

You need to try one thing at a time, to be able to ascertain what works/doesn't work.

So do the gaviscon for a while, and then do the dairy-free.

It's the only way of knowing which would be the right approach. If your dd improves and you are doing both the gaviscn and the dairy free, you won't know!

worldgonecrazy Tue 19-Mar-13 14:58:14

cupcake - have you tried a glass of wine in the evening? A small glass of wine can do wonders for your mental state when it all gets a bit much. One of the best things I was advised is a nice cake and a glass of wine - it made me feel human again and gave me just enough of a boost to keep going through the tough times.

Cupcakemummy85 Wed 20-Mar-13 06:42:57

Stargirl- I'm a bit worried about the constpation thing now as have gaviscon to dd last night and she hasn't done a poo since yesterday. Can it have an effect on her bowels already? When should I go back to the doctor if she is constipated. I don't want to leave her without pooing too long. It was done giving her the gaviscon as my dh gave her a bottle and I actually got to cook dinner and play with dd1 which was amazing.
World- I am indeed having a glass of wine in the evenings, great advise. It really does help to relax.
Tiktok- I am going to give the gaviscon a go first before embarking on a dairy free diet.
The gaviscon helped her sickness but she was still very windy and crying but 1 out of 2 isn't bad I suppose lol

kernowmissvyghen Wed 20-Mar-13 07:17:58

I was told to go back to see the GP in 7 days to assess how things were going. But if you have concerns you could go back sooner of course, I'm sure the GP won't mind.

Constipation is common with infant gaviscon i gather, so it'll be wise to tell the GP if it becomes a problem.

Did you mention trying a dairy-free diet to the GP? What were her thoughts?

Cupcakemummy85 Wed 20-Mar-13 07:23:33

Yes I did she said I could give it a go but not to b too drastic with it, just cut milk out etc. she didnt really go into much detail about it. I'm going to get the tt re-assessed today and the lady who does it is also a lactation consultant so I might b cheeky and ask what she thinks about it. With the symptoms my dd has there is a whole list of what it could b.
she has been uncomfortable and crying all morning so I don't know if that's constipation or wind or something else. It's the crying whilst feeding I hate. So upsetting!

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