The grass isn't greener....right?(20 Posts)
I've posted earlier about an awful night last night where dd 2.5wks wouldn't come off boobs for 5hrs. Had great responses.
I'm feeling very raw today. I bfd dd1 whose 2 now for a year. It's not like I don't know what it's like but plainly I've forgotten the awful way it can make u feel. Today I'm seriously considering ff instead.
But, how does ff cope with growth spurts/clustering? Would it really be better or is it my tiredness making this seem the promised land?
I wanted minimum to get to docs app at 6wks bfing. Ideally I'd get to weaning at 6mths. Depending if coexisted well with dd1. I thought that would be biggest issue....
Ugh, can't see straight to type either. Thanks for listening g. I'm trying not to cry again. Just feel so very low today. Felt fine before last night.
Its tough, isn't it? Unfortunately no real advice from me re. Ff and growth spurts as don't know anything about it, but we have the same age gap between the two children, and like you i had forgotten how difficult the first weeks with a newborn can be. I felt very low initially when bf as well. But remember that these dark days pass relatively quickly!! Hang in there, and why not cry when you feel like it?!
How about mixed feeding? It will give you a break and the chance to get some sleep. It's the tiredness that's making you feel so low. Despite lots of advice to the contrary, I successfully mixed bf and ff from when DS was 3 weeks to when he was 5 months. Started with one bottle a day early evening which DH gave so I could have bath, go for a walk, take a nap, read a book (anything that gave me a break away from DS). FF is fine for growth spurts - just give them more, and I cluster fed between 4-8pm with two bfs and one ff.
Having a newborn is sooo hard, let alone when you've got a toddler to look after too. You'll come out the other side. And yes, just have a good cry; it might make you feel better.
Ah wish the early days can be so hard - you say your aim is to get to 6 weeks, well - you're nearly half way there and you've done so well to give your newborn the best start.
I think what you need to think about if you transfer to ff is whether you want the hassle of making up bottles in the night, making sure you take the right amount of milk with you wherever you go for the next few months etc. I really struggled to bf for the first couple of weeks (DS wouldn't latch) but it was knowing that I would really struggle with the practicalities of ff that kept me persevering.
Your DS is just building your supply - feeding for 5 hours in the middle of the night must have been awful but it will have sent fab signals to your body that you need to make lots and lots of milk.
Do you have a DP who can give you a break for an hour or so in the evenings to give you a break? I used to hand DS over to DH at 7.30pm for 1-2 hours (even if he cried a bit) and go for a bath/nap etc. It really really helped give me some space.
No experience of ff but I remember that age being hard & relentless. It def got easier. For me it was worth the perseverance getting through that bit.
I cried most of last night. Hot burning tears. Dd2 has now been asleep since 9. Dh is asleep too as the plan is to swop at lunch so he looks after dd 1. Thank heavens for toy story or I might have gone mad this morning. Mums coming over so dd1 isn't being shouted at all day to b quiet as I feel guilty now for her being woken and tired and being a crappy tired mummy who can't play but can be grumpy!
I know, this to shall pass. ARGH! U sure life wouldn't magically be perfect on ff??? Ill def add in a bottle or 2 today as my chest is SORE. But well ff have issues too right? Please?
DD2 is 2 weeks old & mix fed. I did it with DD1 for various reasons & was determind to ebf with this one. Unfortunately she got thrush on day 4 & wouldn't latch on at all & I was getting less than an oz when I pumped we gave her a bottle. When the thrush cleared we went back to bf but kept in an 11pm bottle. She now sleeps 12-4 & feeds then back to sleep from 5-5.30-8ish.
She has lost a lot of weight so MW has said I need to top her up after bf which I do, but not on every feed.
She's also on reflux meds, poor little thing.
You have to do what's right for you. I had pnd with DD1, mainly due to feeding issues & chronic lack of sleep (she had reflux too, but wasn't treated until she was 4 months).
I made the decision that I was going to enjoy DD2's babyhood regardless of how she was fed as I've only horrible/sad memories of DD1.
Good luck .
Ah wish it almost sounds as though you are asking us permission to ff - of course you can ff, but we can't say that 'life will be magically perfect on ff' for you.
It might well improve because you won't have to cluster feed in the middle of the night for much longer, your baby might sleep better.
But in the short term you will have to cope with pain for a few days of drying your milk up, you may well still have a baby awake crying in the night because of wind etc (and if you're not bfding you probably won't be able to cosleep if you are currently) it's impossible to say what will happen.
Whether you preserve with BF today or chose to FF either way you have a newborn and the next couple weeks will be hard - but if you ff you might find they get easier more quickly but your life with a baby will be slightly more complicated than if you bf - making bottles up at the right temperature, taking bottles with you, the extra expense of formula, if you have a round of bugs in the house your baby will be more likely to be ill etc.etc.
If you want to keep going then try and remember the bits you liked about bf your DC1, did you enjoy knowing you could go out for the day and just take as long as you liked/didn't matter if you got waylaid as you always had food and comfort on tap? did you enjoy the money you saved? Whatever it was that kept you doing it last time think back - that is probably only 4 weeks away maximum.
Keep finding a way to give yourself a bit of a break for me weeks 2&3 were the absolute hardest in terms of sleep deprivation - take some painkillers to help with the soreness (is it nipples as well? if so be religious with lansinoh), lie down on the sofa while your DC1 watches Toy Story, eat chocolate, give your DD2 a bottle if you need to and then make some decisions. I have no experience of mix feeding but as please says - it worked for her.
I hope I don't sound too pro-bf - I'm just trying to strike the balance for you in terms of showing you both sides of the argument.
I ff and really hated sorting bottle feeds in the night - I was cursing my boobs for not working! Before going to bed I'd feel like Dexter sterilising, lining up the bottles and milk and gaviscon etc... I hate faff though and am generally impatient. Also this thing you hear of where ff babies sleep through the night at 12 weeks or whatever was a myth for me at least (though she was 3 hrly at night till 4 months which is ok, at 6 months 1 -2 feeds between 7pm and 6am). I don't notice much difference in her feeding patterns when there's growth spurts - I guess she might just drink more from the bottles rather than ask for it more frequently.
Oh, you poor pet. Definitely lots of TV for DC1 and snuggles on the couch for you and DD2.
No, formula feeding isn't easier. It's a pain in the face, with agonizing over whether you're using the right bottles and the right teats and the right formula and the right amount of it and then having to wash and sterilize everything all the time. And counting scoops of powder into the bottle when you're too tired to know what number comes after 2. And bringing bottles and formula everywhere
and having to have access to a microwave because your baby only takes formula piping hot, not warm. And when you're woken in the night, you don't just whip out a boob, you have to go downstairs and do faffy things for 3 or 4 whole minutes while the baby screams.
The newborn stage is tough whatever way to tackle it. Just try not to stress to much and remember, it's just a phase : )
Have you tried nipple shields? I know their use is a bit contraversial, but they really helped me when my boobs were so sore after 4 hours straight of feeding. They enabled to carry on breast feeding when I was just about ready to pack in after just a few days. They didn't affect my milk supply, and I used them for a few weeks. DS also had one bottle of formula per day from a couple of weeks old. It was really great to have the best of both worlds - formula when I was knackered and needed a rest, but breast was definitely easier in the middle of the night!
I got a couple hours sleep. Don't feel quite so bad now. Dh has been very helpful, thank heavens for pat leave....
I don't really want to ff. just always seems that ff babies do everything. Eat sleep fine etc. just grass seemed greener last night so thought would ask as why am I doing this if ff so much better?!
But, I do want to bf as I said and well got thru today one feed at a time. Hoping to ight ok tho. I can't do another one tonight. Haven't the inner strength.... one a week or less....
Your post made me - but only because I was thinking the opposite last night whilst trying to calm a screaming baby whilst waiting for her formula to cool. Unfortunately though she just doesn't want to know about bf!
To make you feel better though - it's a myth that ff babies do everything fine - hence why I'm writing this post at 2:30am as DD has decided that now is the time to be awake . If I'm lucky she might go to sleep again by 4...
I think the grass is a different shade of green. Ff is easy in lots of ways, dp can share the night feeds. Growth spurts you just put an extra scoop in the bottle so you barely notice them. Where it is less easy is they are more likely to get colic/ reflux etc. I don't know about sleep, both of mine slept fine (ff) with one night feed after about 8 weeks (going down at 7). Of course if I'd breastfed it might have been the same! Why not just mixed feed op as it suits you and see what happens?
Ff definitely not easier, although seemed like it at first. Have done both, and first time around, bf DD1 and found it incredibly hard for first few weeks. But suddenly - around 6 weeks I think - things really settled down and it was a breeze. DD1 slept through from about 4 months and never regressed. Had to ff DD2 from 2 weeks because I was v poorly. At first was loads easier, DD2 much more settled and contented, able to share the feeds etc. Slept through about 4 months. However, after the first few weeks, she never took enough milk which has caused a constant stress. After the novelty wore off, washing and sterilising bottles was a complete bind. Formula costs loads of money and making the bottles up and preparing to go anywhere is a pain. And from 6 months, she had a total sleep regression and HAS NOT SLEPT THROUGH SINCE! She is nearly a year! I think her little belly has never been able to cope with formula. She gets full up too quickly so cannot take enough for her to sleep all night.
I am really sad that I couldn't bf DD2 for all the reasons above, but also because it is such a lovely, bonding, natural thing to do.
Don't give up unless you absolutely have to. Bfing DD1 was one of the hardest things I have ever done in those first few weeks, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Should say, I did mix feed DD2 from about 6 months and continued to do so until she was a year. I couldn't express enough milk to be able to leave her for more than a few hours, so intro'd a bottle of formula with no issues.
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