AIBU to be angry with dh taking risks when bottle feeding?(15 Posts)
7week old Dd has to have a couple of bottles of ff when I take meds that aren't safe to bf for a few hours afterwards. Dh gives her these in the evening and I have a early night. I recently discovered that he doesn't bother to sterilise the bottle between the two feeds. He argued that as he used boiled water it didn't matter. I am furious that he would take this risk, and could use a second opinion on a few issues.
1) AIBU in thinking this is a dangerous risk to take? Or am I overreacting?
2) AIBU in being angry that dh would take a risk with dd's safety when I obviously would never cut any corners that might endanger her?
3) do you think I should beworried about dh state of mind here, maybe he hasn't bonded with dd very well, or isn't thinking straight?
Thanks for any feedback. I'm feeling so angry I don't know if I'm being silly!
How does he clean the bottle in between feeds?
If he washed it in hot soapy water I wouldnt be overly bothered but if he is just rinising it out I wouldnt be happy.
If he washes them really thoroughly with soap and hot water it should be fine. I am not sure that sterilising is considered strictly necessary any more. I did with mine though, having said that.
I don't think you need to worry about DH's state of mind!
The really important thing is to use water over 70 deg C to make up the formula. Cooled boiled water is not suitable as it doesn't kill off bugs that can be in the powder.
As a side issue, re the drugs unsuitable for BF, there aren't many that really are completely unsuitable - have you checked with Breastfeeding Network? UNless you quite like the break associated with DH giving formula (and frankly who would blame you ;) )
I think you are over-reacting a little bit, but it's completely understandable in the early days. Especially when you have all this safety information drilled into you by everyone!
Not all countries recommend sterilising, it's not a universal thing. If he's washing the bottles out with hot soapy water, that's the next best thing.
If you ask him to sterilise from now on, will he do it? It only takes a minute, it shouldn't be a problem, even if it's just for your peace of mind.
Is he at least washing the bottle thoroughly? At 7 weeks I would be sterilising but as PPs have said a thorough washing is good enough in some countries.
Is it possible he is just lazy and a bit thoughtless? Maybe just get two bottles of water ready so there is no need to reuse one.
And, YANBU. Your dh needs to put in more effort whether it's washing or sterilising!
I had a 31 weeker who was in hospital for a month then had meds administered in ebm via bottle for a few weeks at home.
I never sterilised on SCBU advice, just thoroughly washed and air dried all equipment.
Not sure if this is different for ff though.
What narmada said.
Do you have just the one bottle? If yes, consider buying another one for the second feed if you are worried. If no, dishwashers make a pretty good job of washing & sterilising bottles so you could ask him to put the dirty bottles on the top shelf of the dishwasher instead of hand washing (and not sterilising) them.
Finally, if you are really worried could you express the milk for those feeds? (I couldn't, but some people find it easy) Breast milk requires fewer precautions so sterilising is not really necessary.
"maybe just get two bottles of water eady so there is no need to reuse one..."
Do you mean cooled boiled water? If so this is not a safe way to make up formula.
Thanks for the feedback. I think I am over emotional about this because I'd rather be bf and feel guilty anyway. I shall go easy on dh. A bit...
jingle who told you you couldnt feed for a certain time after the meds? Only it may be worth getying a second opinion as most drs dont have a clue re nfeeding and meds.
Maybe do a shout out in breast/bottlefeeding and someone like tiktok will be able to point you in the direction if information/advice
What's the med? Maybe we can point you to some advice.
I have had lots of advice from specialists and obstetricians and this seems to be be the best compromise. The med is hydroxychloroquine. Many drs said I shouldn't bf at all. We sent off for a paediatrician's report and it seems the greatest risk is for a few hours after I take it, and from prolonged exposure. So the compromise is that we mixed feed, and I won't bf for very long. It does make me sad, but the early night is appreciated too!
Oh bum, sounds like there might be a real reason for not BF after taking it then.
You can only do what you can do, don't beat yourself up about it: it's vital for you to stay healthy in order to be a good mum to your lovely baby. Formula is fine you know. And she's already had your colostrum and lots of other good stuff.
jinglesticks - none of these studies/sources say bfing isn't 'allowed' on hydroxychloroquine or even suggest periods of abstention following a dose.
The last source says this
''It was estimated that a nursing child would ingest between 0.06-€“0.2 mg/kg per day, or approximately 2% of the mother's weight-adjusted dose.[28-30]
The effects of daily maternal intake of hydroxychloroquine have been investigated in  children who were breastfed for a range of 4 weeks to 30 months.[28,31,32] No retinal, motor, or growth abnormalities during 12 months of follow-up were detected. The benefits of breastfeeding outweigh the risk of small infant doses of hydroxychloroquine in breast milk, despite the slow elimination rate and the potential for accumulation of this drug. The follow-up studies of exposed children are reassuring;[31,32] therefore, routine eye exams of breastfed children are not indicated.''
For further information on your medication try the pharmacist Wendy Jones at the Drugs in Breastmilk helpline or via her FB page.
Thanks for that, there's just so much conflicting advice it's really hard to know what to do. I think the current plan is working for us, but I might bf for longer than originally planned, unless I need to go on to stronger meds.
Thanks for all feedback
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