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ebf. very tired. still can't get regular showers and lunch after 14weeks...

(38 Posts)
geekette Sun 02-Dec-12 22:30:16

hi all... feeling a bit down. I knew breastfeeding wouldn't be easy but I didn't know i would still be struggling so far in.

my lo is now 14weeks old and gaining weight very well. we have always co-slept to make the night feeds easier but it doesn't seem to work. I am so tired all the time still...

problem 1: we never mastered feeding lying down. everything gets soo wet! and sleeping in the damp just isn't great. hence, I have to situp for night feeds. tiring.

problem 2:when she wakes me at 2am-ish I just can't get back to sleep.
problem 3: she goes down at 6/7 and stirs at 11 or 12 for her first feed of the night. after that it feels like she stirs a further 4 times before 7 am. what am I doing wrong? why is she feeding so often at night??? I have tried putting her to bed later but that just ended in over tiredness tears...

problem 4: she still seems to feed every two hours during the day! I can't get anything done. I just hate it sad

sorry it is long but help me. please.

noblegiraffe Wed 02-Jan-13 01:06:17

You need help at night. If she is waking hourly it's not hunger and you don't have to do all the get ups. Your DP should step in and take over some so that you can get a bit more sleep in between. It doesn't matter if he is working in the day, you cannot continue like this, it will drive you mad.

geekette Wed 02-Jan-13 00:36:00

Hey Lois smile

Feeling a bit better. Thanks to everyone. I just took today one hour at a time and I managed to make dinner and clean up a little bit without leaving her to wail for hours on end.

Tortoise No truer word has yet been spoken.
I was prepared for hard work. I was not prepared for the change in the definition of "work".
When I think of work, I think of a long, hard, slog. Toil. Travails. Not of racking my brain to remember the words to 'silent night'. Not of waking up feeling tired after having done not much more than carry bundle to breast and put bundle down again.
It is good to know that someone thinks I am doing something right, even if I have never met you. It gives me the courage to continue.

She is now 18 weeks old. Today was better than yesterday.
That's good enough.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Tue 01-Jan-13 11:23:25

Sweetheart, here's the thing. Newborns, and yours is barely out of that category, are HARD fucking work. I mean, we all think we know this. I talked to lots of friends who had babies, I read the books, I lurked on parenting forums. I was totally prepared.

And then I actually had the baby, and ooooh boy.

At fifteen weeks (yes?) she's coming into a classic sleep regression phase, so it doesn't surprise me that she slept well (in my book, 7-1 is good! I know it doesn't feel that way) for a while and is now back to this. The good news is it is not permanent by any means.

My second child is harder than my first in basically every way. Worse sleeper, more active and unsettled, now she's a year old I am getting into much, much more extreme toddler behaviour than I ever got with DD1. And of course all of this while dealing with two children instead of one, and the elder doesn't nap any more. AND YET, this is the important bit, it is NOWHERE near as hard as the first few months with my first. If you get through this bit, you are a rock star and you have done the worst bit. Honestly. Honestly, honestly. And you're nearly there, you're nearly out of the newborn/sleep regression phase and you're about to start getting laughing and sitting up and responding to you more and more and it's just going to get better and better.

This isn't you failing at anything. This is you SUCCEEDING. Succeeding brilliantly. You have a healthy, well fed baby who looks to you for comfort, and a supportive partner who has stepped up, and you are a strong parental team and she is a well loved baby who feels secure, and you are doing an AMAZING job.

Loislane78 Tue 01-Jan-13 11:14:52

Sorry to hear the sleep hasn't improved geek sad

I think a lot of babies stir after an hour as that's their sleep cycle but beyond what you're already doing/have tried/has been suggested I can't really add anything other than it sucks but you've made it this far!!! It can only be so much longer...!! (hope so for my own sanity as well)

I think using cot is a good thing - training for later.

There's always someone here to get it all out to who knows what you're going through smile

Hope you goyt loads of nice PJs for Xmas!! smile

geekette Mon 31-Dec-12 23:04:13

Clasping all your hands virtually and clinging to every word spoken as if my life depends on it.

I need something to believe in and mostly i need to believe this isn't permanent.

Thank you.

LaCiccolina Mon 31-Dec-12 22:58:33

U are 14 weeks into a very new life. Honestly u would have given any other new item longer to bed in. I remember this feeling of overwhelment very very well. I cannot tell u how early in ur new mummy status u r. Nothing is yet normal. Sleep for baby and u will continue to alter, feeding will continue to alter . Patterns stay for what feels like a nano second before altering yet again. You are not doing anything wrong. It just is at this point. Try everything as sometimes something will work. Then baby will change again.

The time of year, darkness, dreariness, rain etc all don't help either. But it does get better slowly. Look back a bit and I'm sure u will see some improvements. And a beautiful growing baby.

HelloBear Mon 31-Dec-12 22:58:00

Sleep deprivation sucks! No advice sorry, currently averaging 4/5 hours a night (not in 1 go) so know how you feel.

But this is my second so I know....I will sleep again and OP so will you!

Take ANY opportunity to sleep.

Sorry no help what so ever but sat with feeding baby while my DH snores next to me, a crazy NYE!!!!

geekette Mon 31-Dec-12 22:48:52

i'm going to look at this thread next year to remind myself how incoherent sleep deprivation made me.

geekette Mon 31-Dec-12 22:42:08

Just re-reading the original thread and I need to add:

After initial success with feeding lying down with on of the breasts, I just could not feel comfortable doing it. I do not know why... Had to give it up and resigned myself to sitting up. Now that she feeds every two hours at night, I seem to be able to manage getting some winks between feeds.

As for problem 4 and still being in PJs during the day, I have somehow accepted that that is life and looking forward to that passing soon. Thank to the posters who have given me hope there. And thanks to the posters who have reassured me that a few tear so that I can get clean at least isn't so bad.

still stuck on the lack of sleep...

geekette Mon 31-Dec-12 22:22:13

Typos galore. sorry.

geekette Mon 31-Dec-12 22:17:05

I just want to cry. I don't know why the tears aren't flowing. Lord knows my heart is in the pit.

What a great start to the year. not.

It's all gone tits up sad
After all the block feeding to rebalance her foremilk imbalance and regulate my flow (which worked) and me, going back to feeding myself loads of cake (which I am uncomfortable with but seems to have worked to); I achieved a FEW days of bliss. Not even a week sad

What was the point of trying. She slept from 7pm-1am a few times.. Yay...

Now she will only have a couple of naps in the day. some long, some short. They don't seem to have rhyme or reason any more.

She starts being tired and ready for bed at 6pm but low and behold, she's treating it as a nap hmm and waking up an hour later.
But is still tired and will grizzle for the next 4 hours till she dozes off again at 10pm. only to awaken every two hours. No more long sleep. The first time she did this we got her a cot. This didn't change a thing. I still use the cot now, I don't know why... Maybe because I spent money on it.

Her poo of the day which used to be on waking is now just before she falls asleep, 3hours into the grizzling when I am already more than fed up.

Anyway, this thread is no longer in the appropriate topic as the feeding part which i needed help with is alright now. She has balanced into every two hours which although frequent is regular and better than every hour.

But I do not know where else to moan. I can't think of an appropriate topic... I don't know what help I want or need. Sorry for the length. and thanks to all those who have helped along the way.

funchum8am Mon 24-Dec-12 04:47:21

i am going the same with good evening sleep then constant wakings after 2am. Some is comfort with my dd and some is wind or constipation as she is on gaviscon for reflux. I am so tired....just wanted to say you are not alone sad . Some of the tips here are really helpful, thanks to all the posters.

fishcalledwonder Mon 24-Dec-12 01:06:46

Sounds like you're doing great. I think all you can do is take it a day at a time. It's so hard though. When you're not getting any sleep it is impossible to think about anything else.

It will get easier. My DD fed constantly for 5 sodding months, but it slowly improved from about 4 months. Finding her thumb made a big difference. Now when I watch sucking madly on it as she falls asleep, I think: "that used to be me!"

geekette Sun 23-Dec-12 23:39:28

Still struggling to extend her daytime naps past 45 mins. Only get an occasional nap ranging 1-2 hours...

How do I get her to sleep longer for a nap?

How do I not feed her so much at night? I do find out if she just wants comfort or food before I feed her. If she just wants to be held, she tends to fall asleep as I pick her up. If I do not let her suck, she screams blue murder or just wakes up.. which is worse... No amount of patting or rocking seems to help.

Waves at Lois. Finally awake enough to get to my laptop smile How are you ladies doing?

The green poo seems to have passed finally. Wasn't just foremilk/hindmilk imbalance. I had attempted to diet go back to MY normal portions of food. Stopping that nonsense got her back on track.

She still has a cut-off time after which she wakes every hour... usually 3am... Still haven't sussed this one out but I am functioning. Positive attitude towards feeds is going a long way. Thanks to everyone for all the help and advice.

I have ordered a cot for her. Will see if she sleeps better if she is on her own when it arrives... She already has her thumb and most other finger combinations. And uses it if she isn't hungry/almost asleep. It does seem like she sucks mostly for food... Although I have had her suck out of fright.

ThoughtsPlease Mon 17-Dec-12 10:30:06

I think your daytime sleeping is not helping, babies have roughly a 45 minute sleep cycle, and 5 x45 mins naps is not helping her learn to go back to sleep when she comes in to a light sleep. I think you need to aim for 2 naps a day, one main one of about 2 hours in the afternoon, and maybe just one other of about 45mins in the morning. If she is sleeping for 4 hours a day and not sleeping at night, I would suggest reducing the day time sleep.

ThoughtsPlease Mon 17-Dec-12 10:22:25

She won't want any more milk in the day unless you stop feeding her so much at night. It will only take a few nights to change the pattern of feeding so much in the night.

It is entirely possible for EBF babies to sleep well at night at this age. I 'd suggest this thinking about guiding towards a good daytime routine of sleeping and feeding.

Loislane78 Mon 17-Dec-12 07:51:35

Hey geek glad you got at least one good stretch smile

Re. green poop - can be nothing, can be low level bug, can be not enough fatty milk. If the latter, there will be other symptoms - lots of short feeds (and therefore night wakings), wind (bum end), more watery poop and possetting.

My LO started with this a couple of weeks ago after sleeping 8+ hrs at night has now regressed to 2-3 shock. Turns out she is tongue tied. No pain feeding and weight again good until now. Guess it can rear its head later so we're having to get it corrected at 17 wks.

Worth getting checked?

fishcalledwonder Mon 17-Dec-12 01:01:29

I feel your pain! Wrote an almost identical post last year. I tried all the brilliant advice I was given by lovely MNers, but nothing worked. DD fed and fed and fed. I didn't sleep. 5 months in she went in her cot in her own room, found her thumb and slept for about 8 hours. She hadn't slept longer than 3 hours before this.

MrsHoarder Mon 17-Dec-12 00:44:41

Have you tried not cosleeping? DS is lovely and snuggly, but when he has waking phases he will always try to graze if he's right next to the all you can eat buffet. We quite often cosleep for a few hours if I drop off, but he goes into his cot at the first opportunity (and I pull the muslin off the bed to give me nice dry sheets).

Still get morning smiles too: he's only 2 feet away in his cot. If you are both sleeping badly it might be worth trying her in a cot for a few days to see if it improves things.

And have you seen a HCP about the green poos? Because they can be a stomach bug and nothing to do with fore/hind milk.

geekette Mon 17-Dec-12 00:27:19

not sure what triggered it but she ended up with lots of green pops last week.
forgot about the tiredness and concentrated on getting her hind milk.
this had the double whammy effect of making her sleep till 1 for her first feed! shock
after that she only gets foremilk as my boobs oversupply and I haven't figured out how to get her hind milk at night.... adding expressing to night time chores or extra expressing during the day feels a bit out of reach at the moment

I still think we disturb her when we get into bed... but our cosleeping days will continue... for now.

I do wonder, will she become confused with all the extra feeds in the day? I can't imagine her going more than an hour without food if she isn't sleeping... but theoretically she can go 2-3. am I teaching her to snack or graze?

geekette Thu 06-Dec-12 21:40:29

she woke up and stayed awake for an hour last night. in addition to all the feeds. she has never done that before... oh dear, it got worse...


fed her loads today and she had 5 naps. all about 45 mins long. fresh air: about two hours worth. she also had baby yoga. was in sling for most of the day so i got some house work done. youpee! minimal crying during the day with only one prolonged angry cry... that was because i showered whilst she was in her swing. will see what happens tonight. can anyone relate to those figures?

I know she is normal and it is more my perception which has to change but I just feel like I am failing her. I am so afraid of night times now.

dp has been a star since the birth. he took over all the housework and cooking whilst on leave.
now that he works, he takes care of bins and if i don't get round to them : emptying and refilling the washing machine and dishwasher as well as dinner.
since I started getting really fed up, he has started taking her before her first nap in the morning. that gives me 60-90 mins zzzz time.
I really feel like I am not pulling my weight every time I ask him to take the little one in the morning sad
regarding my commitment to co sleeping: well my mantra during pregnancy was not to get stuck on an ideal and do what works for the family. co-sleeping has its good moments... I would hate to miss the morning smiles. but if I am not sleeping, it isn't fit for purpose. i and dp have agreed to give it another week. if she doesn't settle then we need to try other sleeping arrangements...

goodness that is long... sorry and thanks for all the tips!!!

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Thu 06-Dec-12 09:15:57

"Instead of thinking about giving baby a feed to be a "big thing", it helps to think of it as a "small thing". You don't plan your day around how often you'll need a glass of water or need to blow your nose, you just do these things as they come up."

That is brilliant advice! smile

I was on my second baby before I started doing this, but I never thought of it in those terms before.

A* - go to the top of the class grin

OP - how committed are you to co-sleeping?

You seem to be having all if the disadvantages, none of the advantages.

HarderToKidnap Thu 06-Dec-12 08:59:40

Does she nap during the day? Do you have a DP and what's his schedule? Do you go to bed at 6.30 when she does (rubbish I know, but its only temporary). I don't think there is anything you can DO about nights, there isn't anything she's doing that's wrong or weird, she's just doing what all of them do at 3 months. It is so tough though. It's less about managing her normal (but intensely demanding) behaviour and more about managing your reactions to it. You need to grab sleep whenever you can, get DP to take over a bit in the morning/evening/weekends when he can, beg borow and steal help for a couple of hours so you can sleep. Only feed from the lying down side at night, this will be fine after a couple of days and you can can still practise with the other one during the day!

THIS PASSES. I have a lovely 12mo who naps twice a day, goes to bed at 7 and sleeps for 12 hours. A few months ago I had a two hourly feeding cosleeping feed four times a night kid - they just gradually change and this time in retrospect, will seem sooo short. I would really try and work out something with DP so you can get at least one more burst of sleep at some point, maybe you could feed her at 11ish when she wakes and he has her til 2am? Good luck x

geekette Wed 05-Dec-12 20:31:27

I do go to all the baby groups in my area! that is what keeps me sane.

geekette Wed 05-Dec-12 20:28:26

still trying lying down to feed. seems to work without spills for one side. she can't latch on properly for the other...

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