About to die from sleep deprivation please help!

[Ameybee]

Just wondered if anyone has any suggestions. 9 week old was almost doing 5 hours regularly at night and for last 5 nights has reverted to every 2 sometimes pushing it to 3. If I feed off both sides I can push it to 3 occasionally but this takes longer anyway as involves nappy change Etc to wake him up. He is ebf. Can't see that its a growth spurt and during the day he can go longer?
I have a DD too who is 3 and I'm just so knackered.

Any ideas anyone? Was wondering whether to feed him more in day but then if he's not interested and only feeds a few minutes I'm guessing he's only going to get foremilk and then get gassy etc.

Everyone I know with babies of similar age seem to be getting much longer stints at night :( xx

[needsadviceplease]

First of all, know that his sleep is totally normal, and that it will lengthen eventually. I think expectations make coping far harder iyswim.

Have you considered (safely) bedsharing? This might make feeds at least less disruptive for you.

Are there daytime chores you can delegate, or let slide, until you're getting more rest?

Can you go to bed any earlier in the evening, to catch up on some sleep - after DD has gone to bed maybe?

You could try to nurse more frequently in the day but tbh 2-3 hrs at night will be the maximum some babies can manage without feeding regardless - even if they have previously gone longer.

Sympathies, sleep deprivation is torture.

[Snazzyfeelingfestive]

It might be a very brief phase and any night now he could go back to 5 hours. In the meantime, as needs says, do all you can to make life easier and grab more rest yourself. Is your dd at home with you during the day? If so can you get anyone to take her for an hour or two so you and ds can both nap? Don't be afraid to put Cbeebies on and just doze on the sofa for a bit either. This too shall pass.

[WildRumpus]

All my babies (I have 3 DC) had a sudden increase in night feeds around 9 weeks and again at around 16 weeks. I think it's related to growth spurts and they need to increase your milk supply. The strain of generating more milk and sleeping less is hard but it will pass! I find co-sleeping helps. Also (and I may get flamed for this) I gave up night time nappy changes unless there was leakage / soiled clothes etc. Generally my babies haven't pooed much at night anyway so usually just a v wet nappy in the morning (plenty of barrier cream at last change before bed). During the day can you head to playgroup or softplay so that your older child can expel some energy while you feed baby?

[Ameybee]

Thanks for the replies. I'm too afraid to bed share unfortunately, even tho I'm tempted at times!
DD goes to nursery 2 days a week & grandparents have been helping out but DS just doesn't seem to nap particularly well in cot during day :( he likes to go out in pram & will sleep lots when out n about but during day I seem to put him down & he's instantly awake :( I should probably persevere and pat him in cot until he goes to sleep.
He cluster feeds in evening and I go to bed as soon as he goes down for night.
snazzy i so hope its brief - that's the only thing keeping me sane at mo thinking he is capable! And wild I hope mine is like yours in that case. I think it just makes me paranoid that I'm doing something wrong when everyone else's babies are starting to settle now.
Thanks for the replies and support. DH taken annual leave today so should get time for some naps. X

[WildRumpus]

Good luck. Sleep depravation is awful! I'm 'lucky' in that my first was by far the worst sleeper so she set my expectations pretty low. I understand being nervous of cosleeping but could you do daytime feeds lying on a double bed and get some light snoozing while DD is being looked after? I could never settle any of mine in cots during the day. Could you take him for a walk in the pram until he nods off and then wheel the pram into the house and go for a nap?

[Startail]

BED SHARE!!!!!

Sorry I'm shouting again. The ridiculous stress and misery being caused by this piece of cot death advice beggars belief in my opinion.

The risks are tiny, humans have bed shared for thousands of years. That woman give up BFing because they are afraid to co sleep is criminal, that a dad on here was worrying him self stupid about this is criminal.

[WildRumpus]

I have to agree that bedsharing has played a large part in keeping me sane. We haven't bothered with the cot for third baby. She has a bed that she and I share with bedguards to stop her rolling out. I do sleep more lightly when I'm with her so when I'm extra tired I try and get a nap on my own in my own bed (eg at weekends when DH can keep an eye on the DCs)

[Ameybee]

I see your point star but unfortunately I see the side that goes wrong in my work - I'm a paed radiographer and do forensic work, and have been involved in cases where its gone wrong. , i know a lot of them have probably involved alcohol and drugs & that I'm seeing what is actually a small percentage, but its just one of those things that once you've witnessed is hard to get out your mind. X

[WildRumpus]

Totally understandable. Just get plenty of rest whenever you can. It will get better. It always does. I have frequently repeated my mantra "it's just a phase". As I pour myself a cup of coffee...

[Snazzyfeelingfestive]

Do you have a car? If so and your ds will sleep when driven, take him out and park somewhere safe with doors locked once asleep and then sleep yourself - take a cushion. I did this when very sleep deprived with ds. The cot sleeping would be nice but do what's needed for the short term.

[WildRumpus]

Oh yes! The drive nap! I had a favourite tree I used to park under - shady and peaceful and away from traffic when my first baby was little. Harder if you have siblings to consider as inevitably one or other won't nod off. My DH had a chuckle to himself the other day when he saw a couple fast asleep in the front of their car with the seats reclined and a tiny baby blissfully asleep in the back.

[Spiritedwolf]

Whether or not you feel comfortable cosleeping is a really personal thing, I know I was nervous about it too and depends on factors like smoking etc. But it is worthwhile looking up safe co-sleeping guidelines so that you know how to create a safer environment in case you decide to. Its much safer to do planned co-sleeping in bed than falling asleep exhausted on the sofa with him.

We have a bedside cot which I feel gives the benefits of co-sleeping but the reassurance of him having his own space (basically the drop side stores underneath and we have it right by my side of the bed). In the earlier weeks I always got up to bf at night, but I also practiced nursing lying down during the day. This let me rest and doze and gave me confidence that I don't pull the covers over him etc. Now I tend to feed him in his cot off the nearside breast and get up for feeds on the opposite side. But we also sometimes (especially in the morning when DH is getting up so I know the covers are out of the way) feed in bed off the other side. When he's in bed I just use a sheet rather than the duvet to reduce overheating and suffocation risks.

I don't know if this will help you realise that his sleep patterns are normal, or make you feel worse, but my 16 week old DS still feeds 2-3 hourly or more often even though he occasionally did 4-5 hr stretches in the early days. I don't find it that bad even when I get up for every feed because I can catch up during the day (realise this is more difficult with a toddler to take care of too) and I had worse insomnia during pregnancy, without the milk drunk smiles to make me feel better.

Since we started nursing laid down we have got more rest at night though because I only stir to latch him on and we can then feed in a light sleep. If you decide not to cosleep, I reccommend getting yourself a favourite tv series box set so you can look forward to the next feed/episode and catching up with as much rest as possible during the day - the housework can wait.

[Startail]

Amybee, yes that makes it very hard. I remember on of our bumps and babies group saying it was difficult not worrying when she saw lots of tiny prem babies in her work.

[Spiritedwolf]

Crossposted with your explanation of why you don't want to co sleep. I understand.

SIDS still happens when all the guidelines are followed though. Some parents move babies to their own rooms earlier than six months, or don't breastfeed, or find their babies won't settle on their backs. Its all about managing the risk as low as possible whilst trying to get enough sleep to function.

Anyway, get those DVD boxsets and some tasty breastfeeding treats, nap while the baby sleeps in the day when your 3 year old is being cared for elsewhere. Like you I find DS will sleep longer if I do a nappy change to rouse him and swap sides, but sometimes I felt more disturbed by being up so long, so I sometimes did it, sometimes not. Try the car thing (I don't drive so would't have thought of it). Do you express? You could always try getting someone else to give him a feed whilst you rest.

[Ameybee]

I have tried expressing and giving bottle but he is reluctant to take it, should prob try again. Tough finding time to express when I have DD too. Might try the car nap idea tho! He did 2 lots of 4 hours last night so really hoping it was just a phase!! Thanks for all the replies xx

[Gintonic]

Do whatever you can to snatch extra sleep, could your grandparents take the baby out for a walk while you sleep?

In our bad phases my DP has been sleeping in the spare room and then taking baby in the morning for an hour before work so that I can get some extra Zs in.

I've also been known to put baby in his bouncy chair next to my bed so that he can see my face while I doze!