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Struggling with newborn

(12 Posts)
MayimBialik Tue 20-Nov-12 06:55:18

My newborn son is just not settling at all. This is the second night at home with him, he was born on Saturday. I have been BFing him and, apart from a couple of good 30-40 min feeds he only feeds for 10 mins at a time and then falls asleep.

This is what he has done all night. I then try to put him in his crib and he starts to cry. DH has tried to pick him up a couple of time for a cuddle and to shush him so that I can get some rest but he always starts head bobbing and sucking his hands etc. so I feed him, he falls asleep, settles on me, I then am desperate to sleep so I try to put him back in his crib, he cries and so the cycle begins again.

I have had no sleep since I went into labour on Friday morning (literally 4hrs spread over the time) I'm so so tired and desperate to establish some sort of routine but it's not happening. Will it become easier when my milk comes in? Will that be today? Tomorrow?

Also, he pooed in hospital but hasn't pooed since although he farts all the time.

Someone please tell me that it will be easier when the milk comes in. I'm so bloody exhausted I don't know if I'm coming or going!

EMS23 Tue 20-Nov-12 07:00:24

It will get easier. Right now he wants to be held and to feed. That is all he knows. Feed him when he wants and at some point today, when you are reasonably sure he's had a good feed, give him to DH, close your bedroom door and sleep for an hour. If he screams DH will survive for an hour, as will your DS. Just make sure he is not within earshot of you as you will find it physically impossible not to respond to him.
At night, could you set yourself up so he can sleep on you? I'm not a co-sleeper but both my DD's slept on me for the first week at home as it was the only way either of us would get any sleep at night.

It will get easier, this is the hardest part.

EMS23 Tue 20-Nov-12 07:02:38

Oh and your mantra for this week is SURVIVAL NOT ROUTINE. Plenty of time for routines later, just do what it takes to survive this week.

aimingtobeaperfectionist Tue 20-Nov-12 07:06:30

Congratulations on baby!
Why DD was born on a Saturday and I didn't get to sleep again until the Tuesday night.
We dont co sleep but for the first couple of weeks she slept with me (make sure you follow all the safety guidelines) and that made it so much easier to deal with. It's little and often with the feeding so persevere.
Don't worry about the pooping as long as he's farting there's no blockage. He'll go when he's ready.
Congratulations again and it gets a lot easier from 6 weeks. You'll be tired but you will cope.

diddlediddledumpling Tue 20-Nov-12 07:06:44

It will. Completely normal for him to be sucking a lot and for you to be sleep-deprived. Sorry! His sucking will stimulate your milk supply so that there's enough of it when it comes.
I'd expect milk to come today or tomorrow. I found it very frustrating with ds3 that he would sleep soundly and peacefully on anyone else's chest in those first few days, but as soon as he smelt me the head bobbing would start. But it's instinctive behaviour and it's healthy. But exhausting. If he's peaceful with your dh, let him be.

I had difficulties when the milk came in, but lots of people don't so I won't bother you with them!
Congratulations, enjoy it as much as your fragile, sleep-deprived state allows you! It gets much much easier and breast feeding is great once it's established.

MayimBialik Tue 20-Nov-12 08:43:10

Thanks for your replies. Just had an epic poo (baby not me!) and seems a bit more settled. Feeding AGAIN though. Hopefully we can get a bit more sleep after hmm

Robbabank Tue 20-Nov-12 10:51:08

Congrats on your new baby boy. As other posters have said, it is normal for him to be feeding so much and falling asleep so easily and for you to be feeling so completely exhasuted so at least be reassured by that. I use KellyMom website for lots of advice on breastfeeding, it may be helpful to you in the coming months. It's US based but has great research and advice.

I have 3 DC and latest is still only a few months old so I feel your pain. My 1st DD wanted to suck a lot and was regularly unsettled in the evenings, starting around 4 or 5 pm and lasting for a good few hours. This got better with time (and experience on my part - getting to know her) but the constant need to suck was very, very tiring. I did keep feeding her (or letting her suck, I'm sure she wasn't truly getting milk all the time, just comforting herself - and that's completely normal) but what really helped with this was putting her in the soft Kari-Me sling we had borrowed. DH would take her in the sling and take her out for a walk for 45mins-1hr. Most babies have an unsettled time of the day, if you can, just succumb to it and remember that it does pass with time as they mature. Of course you can work around it too, go out for a walk with baby in the sling, or send out the DH with babe in sling for a good hour's walk while you have a bath and a rest. If DH can be out for longer, even better as it will give your baby a good long sleep as well.

With a jersey wrap sling you need to tie it quite tightly and securely, more so than you think, in order for the baby to be snug and secure in it and not start slipping down in it once you start walking. Babies have to get used to it too, and they may cry a bit at first but they usually get to like it quite quickly and cry in anticipation of getting tucked up in the sling and rocked off to sleep. I would really recommend a sling over a baby carrier (ie Baby Bjorn), especially for newborns as it's easier to put them in the frog and foetal positions that they remember so well from the womb. Try this website for a few ideas:

My advice is to feed as frequently as you and baby want to. Baby only takes what he needs so he won't overfeed but don't let him go more than 3 hours between feeds until he has regained his birth weight and beyond. A good method for waking him is to cradle him in your hands and forearms and hold him out in front of you and wave him from left to right in a big swaying arc. It can take a while if he is very sleepy, so you do have to persevere. Do wake him for feeds because if he misses feeds he will lose too much weight too early, and your boobs can get very full and uncomfortable and you could get blocked ducts if you don't empty them regularly. He will grow into his own routine with time, and you will learn his sleep/eat pattern over the 1st few months. Saying that, babies change their habits regularly so what they're doing at 8 weeks won't necessarily be what they'll do at 12, 16 or 20 weeks. They will have growth spurts, every couple of weeks, or every couple of days even in the early days, they will seem to want to feed all the time. And then you will notice a day or so of long deep sleeps - that is the feed/sleep cycle and you can say Ahhh, i think that was a growth spurt!

Last tip - and this isn't for everyone - I swaddled my baby and would lie down next to her on our (firm) bed. No pillows or covers anywhere near of course, and we would breastfeed lying down. Once you can do it ok sitting up, and he is good at latching on, then you could try this as it means you can just get up quietly and leave him sleep, or scoot over and fall asleep yourself and he doesn't get woken by the transfer to the crib. KellyMom has advice on how to breastfeed lying down. What I do is I lie on my right side and get baby lying on her side facing my boob and then use my left arm up under her bum and back to shuffle her close to me and onto the boob. My right hand adjusts the latch if I need to and then once 'on' my right arm curves around her head and I lie on my upper arm as I feed her. At the very beginning I had to do the whole sitting-up-in-bed thing to feed and that's fair enough because they have to be latched on right but if you can practise lying down feeding as you get more confident, it is a lovely way to feed in the middle of the night or you can just do it for naps during the day. (Obvs co-sleeping isn't for everyone and you must read all the safety guidelines before doing so.)

'The No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley is is well worth reading as it is very sensible about how small babies sleep and is practical and humane about how to encourage good sleep habits:

Trust your own instincts, whether about feeding or sleeping or any of the other aspects that everyone has such opinions about - you will get to know your own baby! Good luck with it all and sorry for the over-long post.

Loislane78 Tue 20-Nov-12 10:56:44

I know its scary when they are so small but learning to feed lying down and co-sleeping was brilliant for me. Once they're latched you can rest as you both snooze and you do feel much better even if not a deep sleep. Doesn't mean you have to do it forever either if you don't want to; my LO went in her own room at 8 wks no probs.

As others have said, totes normal for them to want to be on you 24/7 and expect it to be a few wks before you can put them in a basket with no fuss. It does get easier - promise smile Lots of tips around on transitioning to basket so post back.

Congrats smile

Welovecouscous Tue 20-Nov-12 21:11:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MayimBialik Thu 22-Nov-12 12:06:59

Thank you again for your replies. Robbabank you definitely sound like the voice of experience - some great things to try out there.


OneOfMyTurnsComingOn Thu 22-Nov-12 12:11:28


My DS is 30 days old and I remember feeling the same (and he's my 3rd!).

It has passed and I feel great now.

The only way I could get him to sleep at the time was feed him, let him fall asleep on me, and wait a few minutes before putting him down to sleep. If he wasn't fully asleep he wouldn't settle.

thehumanegg Thu 22-Nov-12 20:51:09

When ours was born only 4 months ago she wouldn't settle unless she was on a person. I had visions of 5 years down the line having a big 5 year old asleep on us whilst watching the evening tele. Now I'm lucky if I can get her to settle on me for 5 minutes! She sleeps in her crib no probs and actively likes playing on the floor or in her chair even when I'd like a cuddle instead.
If the constant feeding's getting you down think of it as a preventative measure for ouchy big hard boobs! Good luck with the next few days and congrats smile

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