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So disheartened (long)

(14 Posts)
stargirl1701 Sun 11-Nov-12 09:20:32

Babystar is 9 weeks old. She was ebf for 10 days then mixed fed for a further 7. I stopped bf due to infective mastitis and sepsis from a cracked nipple. Bottle feeding has, of course, brought it's own issues.

When she is asleep she feeds really calmly and has no wind. She stirs at 11pm and 5am for food but doesn't waken. 20 min and we're back in bed. She normally has 6oz.

Every other feed is really tough. She cries like milk hurts her. She spits milk out both while feeding (from the side of the teat) and when I take the bottle out. Her clothes, the muslin and my top are soaked. She arches her back and screams. I try patting her back, laying her on my lap, putting her up on my shoulder, putting her in a carrier/sling, putting her in her pram and rocking it, bicycling her legs, putting her in a vibrating chair, laying her on her mat (on back and/or tummy) and a big deep bath.

We have tried Infacol for 14 days. Now trying Colief. I haven't used Dentinox or Gripe Water.

She has just fed at 8am. Took 2oz. Some burping afterwards. She is mouthing, sticking her tongue out and chewing her fist - all feeding cues, right? But, she won't have the bottle in her mouth. Spits it out, screams and arches her back if I try to feed her.

We have seen a paedatric chiropractor who has said she has some cranial abd spinal misalignments. She goes back on Tuesday for another session. (She screamed for 5 and half hours after the assessment last Thursday).

I feel so crappy today. I can't feed my child. Not bf, not bottle. I just want to cry.

CluelessMama Sun 11-Nov-12 11:35:07

This sounds just awful stargirl, I really feel for you. I can't offer any expert advice, my wee one is just coming up to 6 weeks old and we're just starting to get going with bottles as breast feeding is going wrong, but couldn't read and run.
When you say 'I can't feed my child. Not bf, not bottle.' it sounds like you are still grieving for having to give up bf. I can totally identify with that feeling BUT you need to block that out today. Allow yourself time to think about it another time, today just focus on what you can do for the next feed and the one after that.
Could you try different brands of bottle/teat/formula to see if your wee one has a preference? Is there someone else who can do a couple of feeds for you today? I know some little ones take a bottle better from someone other than mum at times, and if nothing else it could give you a break to rest?
Stick with the chiropractor for now. It must be horrible if she screams afterwards but for some babies it seems to work wonders so worth persisting a little longer.
Like I say, I don't know what will help but wish you all the best. Look after yourself.

WhoahThereCrazyHorse Sun 11-Nov-12 12:59:44

It's awful isn't it. We're currently facing really similar issues, I'm still attempting to mixed feed but at least half of the bf feeds are exactly as you describe, which is heartbreaking. Then with bottle feeds ds will be a lot calmer most of the time but 45 mins later will bring up what seems like a vast amount of milk. I just don't know what I do with him, he spends nearly all of his waking time crying/screaming and I feel like such a crap mother that I can't work out what's wrong. I also get the same thing with all the feeding cues - he appears ravenous but then absolutely won't feed. Reflux has been suggested but I'm not sure what steps to take about that.

None of this is remotely helpful to you, but I just wanted to say that you're not alone - I also feel like crying and in fact may have done some sobbing while in the shower this morning.

Fairylea Sun 11-Nov-12 13:09:12

Two things . ...

If milk is coming out from the sides of her mouth during feeding and soaking her clothes I would say the teat is too fast. Try Avent bottles with the slowest teat or equivalent.

If she has silent reflux like both my formula fed dc did then she will want to keep sucking even though she won't want the milk as this will keep the stomach acid down.... and likewise she will want to keep drinking even when she is full for the same reason. Hence the looking for a feed and not actually wanting it. Have you tried a dummy ?

Go and see your GP and get a prescription for infant gaviscon and see ifIt improves things. If it does then it's probably reflux - which doesn't always have to be the baby actually being sick ("silent reflux")

We found ds was much better on sma gold and I've heard others say the same.. we tried all the comfort formula too. (You can't use comfort formula with the gaviscon by the way).

The good news is by about 12 weeks they do tend to grow out of it so it won't last forever.

Hope things are better soon.

stargirl1701 Sun 11-Nov-12 14:07:28

Hi guys. Thank you for posting. DH has done most of the feeds this weekend (he normally does this) and she isn't any better with him tbh. Listening to her cry with him isn't any easier sad Initially we used Medela Calma bottles. We have tried the Tommmee Tippee standard bottle and the anti colic ones. We are using number 2 teats as she was taking over a hour to feed with the number 1 teats and the HV thought the length of feed might be adding to the colic. We're going to go back to number 1 teats today. I asked about changing from Apatamil to another formula at her 8 week check and the GP said not to as they were all pretty much the same <sigh> She does have dummies - Tomme Tippee and MAM ones. She sucks away at these quite happily but spits them out if she is hungry.

I just don't understand why we have no issues if she dream feeds. No crying, no arching, no wind, no milk everywhere. She does have a period between 2am and 3am where she farts for about 20 min. All the air she swallows during the day coming out? She's like a different child at night.

I think you may be right about my grieving for bf. Every HCP I see now says, "you can re-start". I am physically and emotionally terrified of bf. I have never been so ill in my entire life. I felt so alone in the hospital. So scared. I am crying typing this sad

The chiropractor was fab. Top to toe exam and history taken over a full hour. She found an arched palate on one side of her mouth which she thinks explains why the latch was good on the left breast but so dreadful on the right. She also thinks babystar has a lip tie and tongue tie. Despite me asking repeatedly if that was the case when I was struggling to bf - and being told no. <sigh>

wewereherefirst Sun 11-Nov-12 14:34:09

TT and lip tie are commonly misdiagnosed. It was only when we saw a feeding specialist that she saw his 100% TT. It made a huge difference with breast and bottle feeding but also look into reflux or even a dairy allergy.

We have a variable teat for DS2, which helps with the flow of milk- could that be worth a try?

Don't be scared of BF, you've been let down badly by HCP's and I know the feeling of failure and stress when you feel you 'can't' feed any more

stargirl1701 Sun 11-Nov-12 14:48:06

Hi first. We have tried the variable teats too. She really couldn't cope with them either. I'm in at the GP tomorrow to get bloods taken to see if my iron levels have returned to normal after all the drama in the hospital. I'll see if she can prescribe the infant Gaviscon and we'll see if that helps. Gotta try everything I think.

Fairylea Sun 11-Nov-12 15:04:59

I really wouldn't listen to the advice about not changing formula. On reflux forums one of the main things that helps is finding a formula your baby is happy on. Ds and dd have tried everything - cow and gate, hipp organic (worst for colic and reflux in my experience but works for some), cow and gate comfort and aptamil comfort. Sma gold worked best for ds and dd was best on aptamil. There's no harm in trying but I'd try the gaviscon first otherwise you won't know what's made the improvement if anything.

wewereherefirst Sun 11-Nov-12 15:47:21

Id try and avoid gaviscon tbh, it doesn't really do anything I found ranitidine better but they hate prescribing it, can you get a infant feeding specialist? Mine was at the hospital and was a midwife too, but she was great, trained in TT and was an amazing support to me.

stargirl1701 Sun 11-Nov-12 19:27:51

Well. 2 feeds in with the number 1 teats and all is much calmer. Keep your fingers crossed folks! smile

aamia Mon 12-Nov-12 08:46:53

Tongue tie can affect bottle feeding btw. Possibly worth getting it snipped privately. My baby couldn't suck properly on bottle or breast until his was snipped.

Victoria2002 Mon 12-Nov-12 09:02:56

I agree, IME as a nanny, sounds like reflux, and infacol/gaviscon have never been proven to work. Ranitadene is what you need. Also a tounge tie is best dealt with for lots of reasons. As a mum I tried and tried with HCP re breastfeeding issues, and only got really useful help through the NCT. I wonder if a lactation consultant would still be relevant even though you are ff because they can analyse your babies suck and tt/lip ties etc. Good Luck!

HeyMicky Mon 12-Nov-12 09:10:24

Hi Star That sounds a lot like reflux. Agree Gaviscon is a waste of time, you need to start with Ranatidine. It can be hard to get doctors to diagnose reflux - start keeping a record now of symptoms after every feed, and video Babystar on your phone as well so the doctor can see what's happening. It really helped speed up DD's diagnosis. In the meantime, a dummy after feeds will help neutralise the acid, and keep her upright after feeds - I know you said you tried the sling but I found this was the best option

stargirl1701 Fri 16-Nov-12 17:02:01

I was at the GP surgery today and doc thinks it is silent reflux. We got Ranatidine (sp) to give her 3 times daily. GP advised not to use a chiropractor though.

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