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I want to give up at 11months... advice wanted but also feeling guilty.

(30 Posts)
CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Mon 05-Nov-12 21:04:20

My first - I fed on demand (which was a lot - the much later diagnosed TT which would explain why it was still 2 hourly after a year...) and didn't mind at all. mixture of self weaning and night weaning at some point around 18months but cant actually remember the last feed. Look back with nostalga.

This one - I've completely and utterly had enough and even feel bad for admitting it. First time around I was fairly hippy and AP and have quite a lot of extended bf friends. But I'm just fed up with it. Tied in with this is that I am bf to sleep, husband is away most of the time and i'm just exhausted. Lean towards no-cry sleep solution type things but again I've just had enough. I'm exhausted and I often just don't want her on me.

Today I've driven to visit relatives so she had her morning and afternoon nap in the car without a feed-to-sleep. She fed at 5.30 when she got up (grrrr) and when we arrived at relatives (about 11.30) when we got back (3ish) and after supper (about 6.30ish). This is a lot less than usual. Is it enough?

I didn't let her feed to sleep either. I fed her downstairs and am starting a New Routine. Feed downstairs, into pjs/grobag, story and then carry upstairs for songs and putting to bed. She fell asleep fine (!!) and then when she woke again instead of feeding her I cuddled her, gave her some milk in a cup (cows milk) and a sip of water in a sippy cup, settled her and she cried for about 4 mins but went to sleep.

Can I do this each time she wakes now?? I feel I've already cut out half her feeds today by accident so do I just run with it and night wean her now I've got here. I'm exhuasted but I kind of wonder that as I'm here I might as well.

Sorry its long and muddly - I'm unbelievably exhuasted and a bit emotional.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Mon 05-Nov-12 21:05:25

Oh I meant to ask...

at 11 months can I go straight to supplementing with cows milk in a cup? I'd like to avoid formula and bottles if I can but how many feeds would she need as a minimum? Is one a day in the morning say ok?

unexpectediteminbaggingarea Mon 05-Nov-12 21:10:58

yes, do it. night wean her, honestly. now you've started, just crack on. She'll have wobbles but it'll be worth it. What about giving formula in a cup rather than cows milk just for the nutritional value? 'sup to you though of course.

Maybe at 11 months night weaning will be enough to get you back enjoying it? Everything's better on a good night's sleep, and maybe if she was having, I dunno, 4 feeds in the day and none overnight you would feel much better about the whole thing?

But my god, don't feel guilty!

I really sympathise. I had 2 DCs who fed all bloody night. So knackering.

Aboutlastnight Mon 05-Nov-12 21:18:37

I bf all three for about the same time as you and for me I felt it was a good time to do it as mine were walking/cruising, becoming more independent and I wanted a bit more freedom.

It was kind of bitter sweet to stop, but I'm glad I did and there is so much more to look forward to in building a relationship with your toddler, and you will be able to enjoy a little more freedom too.

Well done for those 11 months, you should be proud.

Teapot13 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:19:10

I fed DD to sleep till a little younger than your LO, and then sleeptrained/nightweaned. We were both a lot happier because we got so much more sleep! Your baby will not suffer psychological damage if she grizzles for 2 minutes as she falls asleep. If she's really distressed, you'll know to go to her.

It's my understanding that they can have cow's milk before 1 but it just can't be their main drink. I think if you are just supplementing her breastfeeds, it's probably fine.

Aboutlastnight Mon 05-Nov-12 21:19:55

And yy to cows milk although the middle one refused to drink it

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Mon 05-Nov-12 21:20:32

Thanks for the encouragement! I don't have formula in the house to give her at the moment, but I hadn't thought of putting it in a cup, just assumed it went in bottles. (I have SO lost my brains. I hope once I get sleep they come back!)

Your're right I could probably manage 4 times a day if she's happy with that. Not just every blinking time I have a cuddle or all night.

So when she wakes (at approx 1, 3 and 5.30 I'm predicting) I just go back - offer her milk from a cup, cuddle her, settle her, let her cry a couple of minutes and rinse and repeat?

Its a whole new approach on me but I have so had enough!

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Mon 05-Nov-12 21:25:26

Thanks for the replies! Teapot (love the name btw) how did you do the nightweaning? I've read tons on sleep in the past but now I'm actually suddenly doing it I've lost the plot. Do you end up feeding if they're distressed or holding them through it? (Last time my husband went to first child each time in the night but he's not here)

I love mn today smile

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Mon 05-Nov-12 21:26:02

Good lord just seen my extravagance with the exclamation marks etc. Can only apologise and blame sleep deprivation...

Mybabyseyes Mon 05-Nov-12 21:29:14

Same. A year was enough for me especially with twins! Don't feel bad. Give up feeding to sleep they don't need it and need to learn to self soothe. Give yourself a break op.

Ragwort Mon 05-Nov-12 21:29:24

Yes of course - I went straight to cow's milk (in a cup) and only gave milk with meals, ie: no bedtime milk or any of that feeding to sleep - never did that anyway grin. I let my DS grizzle for a few minutes actually a lot longer but that's not allowed on mumsnet.

gemmeg Mon 05-Nov-12 21:31:57

Sorry to hijack your thread canihaveapetgiraffeplease but I've been thinking about starting night-weaning my 12.5 month old too. I also thought about giving my ds cow's milk from a sippy cup instead of BF but I was wondering- won't I just be replacing one for the other? I mean, he's still going to wake up wanting some sort of milk isn't he? or will he not bother after a while?

Mybabyseyes Mon 05-Nov-12 21:32:17

Don't give from a cup. You'll end up holding it yourself! You can get non spill spout lids they can hold. Be warned they will do anything for the attention, mine used to spill their drinks on purpose!

unexpectediteminbaggingarea Mon 05-Nov-12 21:32:57

ugh. I remember not sitting down at friends' houses because she'd be at me again. smile.

Think about how much she actually needs a drink overnight as well. A big pre bed drink and then just a quick cuddle and lay back down to sleep might do it until morning. I'm thinking that you can then very gradually reduce the cuddle to a pat or a stroke, then just your voice, then hopefully she won't disturb you at all after a while. It's called gradual withdrawal or gradual retreat or something. I've just done it with my older but very bad sleeping DCs and for the first time they both slept solidly for 11.5 hours last night in their own beds, just waking at 5.30 for a very quick cuddle and then back to sleep until 7.

If you just replace the bf with another drink you're still getting disturbed, aren't you? Just a thought.

Not being chewed on 10 times a day is lovely, btw. I weaned dd 3 months ago aged 2.3 and still enjoy not doing it grin

PoppyWearer Mon 05-Nov-12 21:33:10

11 months is BRILLIANT, OP!!

Mybabyseyes Mon 05-Nov-12 21:35:05

Btw op as far as I rmbr cows milk is not recommended until 12 mths. I give organic full fat to ds' but aptamil follow on is good too.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Mon 05-Nov-12 21:52:37

gemmeg- I was thinking of giving milk as just a step towards the end goal. At least when my husband is home he can give milk. I think she is waking for the comfort too, and milk in a cup is nothing like snuggling into mummy. When I gave her some at night it was literally a few sips too.

My (admittedly completely zombied and very much on-the-job) thought process was milk might be enough to settle her, then that can become just a sip/water then she might not wake up for it?! Or a cuddle/pat might do. She bizarrely went down fine initially and only cried a bit when I resettled her without bf the first time.

At the moment if she doesn't get bf then she goes to full on tantrum so rubbing back doesn't work. I'm hoping it will eventually. Or I might have to just let her cry for a bit to begin with.

I might try and get some sleep now before she wakes at 1 and/or 3. I'm amazed how predictable it all is...

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Tue 06-Nov-12 02:26:16

2am wake up. Rocked her a bit, offered milk in a cup and a sippy water bottle. Not overly interested in either and quite cross. Rocked while her music any was on and told her, 'not until morning'. Put her down quieter but still unhappy and now the music's stopped she's just talking to herself. Not sure whether to go back in or wait until she gets unhappy? Or go in every few minutes while she's just talking?

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Tue 06-Nov-12 02:45:28

Oh dear. Started really crying so went to comfort her. Tried to rock her but she just kept trying to turn over to me :-( offered milk in cup and water bottle and just not interested. Just kept crying :-( rocked her for a while then laid her down with music, still crying. Will go back in in a bit.

I feel really horrid.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Tue 06-Nov-12 03:05:17

She's fallen asleep bless her. :-(

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Tue 06-Nov-12 07:40:50

I let her feed in bed with me 6 -7 so she's had a huge feed.

Do I feed before her naps? (usually sends her straight to sleep) or just night wean for now?

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Tue 06-Nov-12 10:11:41

Fed her again about 8 after breakfast. Then put her down for nap with a song and grobag and a sip of water. Let her cry (she was very upset and I feel bad) but only while I made a. Cup of tea and then she was asleep. . . Will give her a big feed when she wakes up if she wants it and lots of attention but won't feed her to sleep for afternoon nap either...

unexpectediteminbaggingarea Tue 06-Nov-12 19:09:26

if she had been that upset she wouldn't have gone to sleep, honestly. You're doing great, and so is she! I think if you can avoid feeding to sleep as much as possible that always makes things easier in the long run. X

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Tue 06-Nov-12 21:28:51

Thankyou :-) really appreciate your posts. She went down easily for afternoon nap. Husband home for a night and put her to bed. He might go to her at night waking.

She did cling to me all morning though and fed tons and tons. But at least it wasn't at sleep time. Bless her she's probably wondering what's happened to her milk but I keep thinking how much better a mum 'll be if I get through this and it leads to more sleep.

Viviennemary Tue 06-Nov-12 21:31:48

You've done brilliantly to keep it up this long. I would definitely stop if that's what you want to do. I stopped when DS was about 8 months and he was fine.

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