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DP wants me to consider giving up bfeeding as he thinks it will help DS sleep better. Will it?

(19 Posts)
reddaisy Thu 01-Nov-12 22:01:38

DP is very supportive of bfeeding and always has been but we are so exhausted as DS is now 13months old and he has never slept through. We have tried everything including No Cry, CC, some CIO, cosleeping. We co-slept for six months and he invariably ends up back in with us at some point in the night.

DS woke up four times last night and was bfed back to sleep every time. Would giving up help him sleep better? He has never wanted a dummy and he never has very long naps during the day.

I am not sure that I am ready to give up yet but I can't say I enjoy it anymore and if I thought he would sleep through then I would give up in a flash.

Any experience/advice very welcome please. I am thinking of night weaning first.

Clearlymisunderstood Thu 01-Nov-12 22:02:31

How about trying night weaning?

motherinferior Thu 01-Nov-12 22:04:10

I definitely wouldn't be night feeding a baby that age. And yes, I realise that this may make me sound like a hard bitch.

WizardofOs Thu 01-Nov-12 22:04:58

Not in my experience when I tried it with child 2. He won't be waking because he is hungry at 12 months.

You could try not offering him the breast at night. That did not work for me either with child 3 but worth a go.

What did work in both cases was time...probably not what you want to hear though!

AngelDog Thu 01-Nov-12 22:07:27

I've nightweaned several times. Sometimes the waking stopped, sometimes DS woke just as much but took a lot longer / more effort to get back to sleep.

naturalbaby Thu 01-Nov-12 22:07:29

I would try night weaning and see what happens then re-assess. I stopped at 15months because it just felt right for us.

I managed to night wean around 8months with all of mine, but they all had a dummy at that age. Ds3 took longer because he was more used to the feeling of a tummy full of milk to sleep so it took him a while to get used to eating/drinking enough in the day to go through the night. He needed a very big dinner, supper and a big milk feed.

reddaisy Thu 01-Nov-12 22:12:31

AngelDog - that is what I am concerned about. He is a completely different baby to DD who loved dummies and was much easier to night wean.

Runningblue Thu 01-Nov-12 22:15:55

Hi reddaisy, do you get up to settle the baby or does DH? We had similar issues with continued night feeding, but had a hunch that when I went through to settle him, he wanted milk, when DH went through, he could often settle him with a pat, stroke etc.
It was a bit of a long slog - a kind night wean you might say- but it did help in the end

Runningblue Thu 01-Nov-12 22:16:51

I think we also tried a dream feed bf just to try to break the cycle of when he woke up- you could set your watch by it!

reddaisy Thu 01-Nov-12 22:22:41

I go in to settle him. DH has tried but DS screams and screams until I can't bear it and I go in and feed him which of course defeats the whole point of sending in DH. I suppose whatever we do needs to be more consistent but in the early hours I have no energy and I cave in.

Welovecouscous Thu 01-Nov-12 22:23:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Runningblue Thu 01-Nov-12 22:32:40

It's very tricky when the baby only wants one of you - especially when only one of you has got the thing he wants!
Its very hazy now - we were similarly knackered - but I know it wasn't an insant fix, we had some horrid nights where DS was incensed that DH had gone in.
I really feel for you, it's utterly wearing.
I agree with couscous. In return for giving DH more sleep - perhaps he sleeps on the couch with earplugs, he then gives you more opportunities for earlier nights sleep, he does the bedtime routine/ settle etc and then time for a lie or nap at weekends?
It's needs must at this stage, when you're both feeling so tired x

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Thu 01-Nov-12 22:32:48

I would definitely try night weaning and let only your dh go in to him once you've put your ds to bed.

Quite rightly it sounds like he's doing it for comfort, so he will scream like mad and get upset when he sees your dh in the middle of the night. As your dh doesn't have what he wants.

But if you persevere and let your dh take over the night awakenings I'm sure within a few days you'll notice a difference.

Ds1 used to wake a lot at night as my dh used to put ds1 to bed as I returned to work when he was 5 months old and I worked from 5-10pm mon-fri. So ds1 used to wake-just to see me.

And as cute and heartbreaking I thought it was, after over a year of it I couldn't cope with getting up 3,4,5 times a night with him. Do dh went into him instead. Sure enough we had tantrums and tears and it was hard standing outside his bedroom door crying for me while my dh was trying to settle him. But it only lasted 4 nights then he started to sleep through.

It sounds like I was being mean, but when ds1 was 17 months and waking so much in the night, it effects your days and your mood and lack of good sleep is a killer ime.

Sorry, I'm rambling. Point is, if I were you, I would just decide on a plan with my dh and let only my dh go in to ds room in the night to settle him.

Runningblue Thu 01-Nov-12 22:35:40

That is, you either
Night wean via DH going in to settle - tough few days but could break the cycle
Or you continue to to the night settles/ feeds but in return for that, DH gives you more opportunities for sleep/ time out. He could sleep with ear plugs.
I'd still go with option one, as it's trying to break the cycle...

reddaisy Thu 01-Nov-12 22:41:58

Thanks everyone. I really do appreciate it. There is nowhere else for DP to sleep and we have already moved DSD out of her room for now so DS can go in there. He was supposed to share with DD but he kept waking her up which meant we had two little ones awake which was awful.

DP does all the early mornings when he can but he doesn't help as he doesn't like going to bed early and I don't switch off until he comes to bed so we are trapped in a cycle of exhaustion. It is nice to hear from people who have been through this, I am normally sociable and outgoing but the exhaustion means I only go out socially when I really have to.

I am going to try and snooze now and I think we might start nightweaning tomorrow. Night everyone,

Runningblue Thu 01-Nov-12 23:00:16

Good snoozing and thinking of you.
We lived in a two bed house at the time of the night waking horror.
We did used to take it in turns to wear ear plugs which help a lot if it's your time to sleep slot.
And, we blew an air bed up and stowed it behind the settee in the day.
The horrid thing is feeling so tired and not having the clarity of thought to try and make steps to sort it.
Ps I did for the millpond book of sleep management v useful at various points -

And the gentler no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth pantly -

Runningblue Thu 01-Nov-12 23:01:15

Sorry didn't make book links work...

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Fri 02-Nov-12 22:08:13

How are you getting on tonight op?

reddaisy Sat 03-Nov-12 10:24:57

Well I went out last night and DS was asleep when I left but when I came back at midnight he had already woken up twice and was refusing milk and water from DH. I cuddled him and refused to feed him and he slept until 430am and I cuddled but refused to feed him again. He eventually settled around 5am but woke up again at 530am and I cracked then and bfed him but he slept until 7am after the feed. So it is sort of progress I think!!

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