Expressing is driving me crazy!(12 Posts)
Ds2 is four months old. I started exprssing last week as I have been under so much bloody pressure to formua feed from dh and his family and I thought I'd try and see. I can get out a 4oz feed if I pump four to five times a day and I have to feed him at that feed as the bottle isn't enough for him.
Am I doing it all wrong? I have to express while feeding him as otherwise I don't seem to get a letdown but it is bloody hard work. I keep hearing about people who get out 3oz or even 6oz in a morning feed. Ds2 feeds every 2-3 hours and trying to express as well is really wearing.
I'm really cross I ever got into it, dh is all delighted but in the end of the day, he ain't the one straining his muscles and hating feeding. I'm being a sap. Did I mention I have PND? This is just stupid, I need to stop but I feel such guilt because dh seems so happy to be able to give him a bottle.
I find I get very little when I express too. With ds I thought expressing was something everyone did and came under similar pressure to you, from what you describe. With dd I have ignored all the nagging to bottle feed and have rarely expressed. It has been so much more chilled as a result and 9 months on we are still going strong. Still don't get much out when I do try to express.
This should be about you and you DS2 not your DH. If you are happy feeding DS yourself then carry on and tell your DH to find a different way of spending time with his baby (bath, massage, stories walks..)
I couldn't express - I tried everything and I only managed to squeeze out an ounce at most - and then my children refused to drink it. I hated it, it was uncomfortable and time consuming and a waste of time. Sounds the same for you.
You know what? Baby feeding is between you and your baby so really if the BF is working then tell your DH to SOD OFF or grow his own breasts and then come back. Seriously - if you're only doing this so DH can poke a bottle at your DS then stop stop stop.
I take it your DS is thriving and growing with the breastmilk? Then keep at it - you're doing a brilliant job and have already at 4 months out lasted most mothers in terms of how long they last at BF. Your son has a great start and will continue to benefit as long as you chose to BF.
Really - being a new parent is hard enough withot extra crap pressure like this. Tell DH that in two short months your DS will be starting on solids and then he can do as many of those feeds as he likes - without causing you stress and upset.
You have PND. You DH will get over not being able to feed with a bottle (and just watch that enthusiasm dwindle if you ever do decide to FF full time...it's not such a novelty after the 40th time). You on the other hand need to look after yourself and that means ditching the pump and just BF if that's what you want to do. Your DH is behaving very selfishly and so are his family.
I am worried about you.
I found it easy to express, but neither DS would ever take a bottle. So I simply decided not to bother. This seems to be a recent trend, when I had my DSs, over twenty years ago, there was no pressure at all to allow fathers to take over a feed when the mum was bf. My DH was a very involved father, but he did everything else, when he was at home. His favourite was to get in the bath and I would hand tiny DS1 to him. It was the only way DS would stop crying in the bath, when he was on his daddy's chest!
Tell them to Fuck Off.
FF is a awful lot of work and so is expressing. I BF for years, but I can't express. Oh and busy body relatives can wan and sterilise the breast pump
Tell them to offer lots of other practical support, cooking cleaning or just chatting to you so you aren't on your own feeding.
Oh and DD2 suggests you tell them you intend to BF until your DC is 6!
startail I think your DD deserves a medal!
What all the others said - tell DH to fuck off. And the others (in laws). You are doing FINE! It's not the BF that's giving you PND - but their nagging and making you feel bad sure as hell isn't helping it.
DD2 was rather found of BFing, screamed at the sight of a bottle.
She does tend to think other baby's should enjoy it too!
Tell your DH to start making up bottles of formula (sterilising, boiling, mixing et al) including in the middle of the night for a week. Then see how enthusiastic he isn't about formula feeding.
Something I read in a book recently as well with regards to fathers getting odd about breast feeding - if you say that you'll just do the feeding, then he can do everything else like the laundry, the playing, the walks in the pram, the getting to sleep, the walking around holding when baby neither wants to play or sleep etc he'll see what a tiny, tiny proportion of parenting actually involves feeding, and it will become a lot less of an issue.
It may be your PND that's making you feel less able to stand up to this bullying.
Your dh is a grown man. He can cope with not giving his baby a bottle. Dear oh dear. In a couple of months he can do all the solids feeding if he wants.....can he not wait that long?
Sounds as if you have 2 babies - dh and ds2
He may be a lovely man in all other respects but in this respect he's being silly.
You need to have a serious talk. The last thing you need is to make life harder on yourself with all the expressing, sterilising faff.
Suggest to DH that he does bath time and delivers baby to you ready for bed. That gives him something that only he does and some one on one time. To finish, tell him if he really wants to feed DS he need to learn how to lactate ;)
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