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Feeling pressured to give up bf.

(32 Posts)
Yummycheesecake Sat 20-Oct-12 17:18:05

Dd is 11 months and turns 1 in a few weeks. I keep getting asked when am I going to stop bf'ing. Expecting the answer "when she turns 1". Well I don't want to and am pretty sure dd won't want to either.

People keep commenting on how I'm missing out on so much and that I never go out etc. dd still bf's between 4-6 per day. She doesn't eat that much food and depends on me mainly for nutrition. She sleeps through but I still have to dream feed her otherwise she does get up at around 3am for a feed! I feel like I'm being punished for bf'ing my dd.

My friends think its odd to bf over one and I don't know anyone else who bf at the moment so I'm feeling a bit alone right now. Anyone I do talk to about it, their opinion is pretty much the same as everyone else and that bf'ing over 1 is a little OTT!

When I try to explain to my friends that I can't do things they are doing eg spa days etc as dd won't take a bottle and isn't eating too much, also is allergic to CMP, they are horrified that I allow this to control my social life!!

I guess if dd ate that little bit more then she would be cutting down the feeds but she isn't so what else am i meant to do???

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 20-Oct-12 17:20:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nicknamenotavailableeither Sat 20-Oct-12 17:24:41

It is good fo bf obviously, and recommended until 2, BUT...isn't 4 to 6 times a day a bit much at nearly 1? Of course you should continue to nd if it is what you both want, but maybe think about the frequency. Your dd needs to be eating proper food too...

Completely support you wanting to continue bf though smile

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 20-Oct-12 17:24:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyMargolotta Sat 20-Oct-12 17:26:57

I get quite annoyed by this. There is so much pressure on women to breastfeed; and then after a certain point, there is pressure to stop.

People like to tell women what to do, and express their disapproval when you have a different view.

You are not answerable to them. You are only answerable to yourself, and to your baby. If you want to carry on, then do so. Just tell them you don't want to go on a Spa day. Many women, breastfeeding or not, don't want to go on a Spa day or out to the cinema or whatever.

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 20-Oct-12 17:27:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 20-Oct-12 17:27:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyMargolotta Sat 20-Oct-12 17:29:19

Sounds perfectly normal to me as well, if my three children are anything to go by. They were all bfing this much at that age, and all weaned to a greater or lesser extent.

Solo Sat 20-Oct-12 17:36:36

I think you are doing great smile well done! I fed my Ds until 18 months and then was pressured into stopping by my Mum hmm. She tried the same with Dd as did Dd's father (though at 6 months), but I continued until she was 4.10years, had become less and less over time and then production ran out.

I have to admit to thinking that it wasn't for the childs benefit after 2 years, but that was a blinkered view and I obviously reversed my opinion after having Dd. I am the only person I know in rl to have bf for so long and none of my friends batted an eyelid throughout if I was feeding in front of them though that did end at around 3 years.

OP, you do what you feel is best for you and your baby. It certainly wont harm her and in fact will more than likely protect her from so many allergies and illnesses throughout her life.
Whenever you decide to stop, well done! you have and are giving your baby a great start.

Nicknamenotavailableeither Sat 20-Oct-12 17:52:00

Ah ok fair enough, you obviously know more about it! Totally support your decision to continue to bf. The dippy cup idea someone mentioned sounds like a good idea.

SirBoobAlot Sat 20-Oct-12 19:05:09

Sounds completely normal - both the feeding and sadly the reactions. You're doing brilliantly, and there will be plenty of years to come for spa days!!

GreenShadow Sat 20-Oct-12 19:11:04

I fed DS1 to 12 months, DS2 to 2 yrs and DS3 to just 3 years.

In some ways the longer you go on, the harder it is for your DC to stop.

No one really commented, but then for most of that it was only first thing in morning and last thing at night. Did mean I was restricted going out in the evening until 8pm ish but you cope and adjust. Depends on your priorities.

Do what you and your DD want; not your friends.

Badjudgeofcharacter Sat 20-Oct-12 19:56:31

I fed mine until last week. She was three years and one week when bf ended. It feel sad but happy it has come to a natural end. I'm glad I didn't cave into pressure to stop by friends and family. My husband was very supportive. Ignore everyone, don't speak to people about breastfeeding who disapprove. It's no one else's business. Good for you for carrying on. I find it strange that people give dates on when others should stop bf confused

EauRouge Sat 20-Oct-12 19:57:31

It's awful when you are made to feel like your instincts are wrong. It is perfectly normal to want to breastfeed past a year, it is normal for an 11 month old baby to be feeding that frequently and it is fine to not want to go out for the evening/day and spend long periods away from your baby.

Some mothers are comfortable with being separated from their baby, others are not. You will not be doing your baby a disservice by staying with her instead of going off for a pedicure and a facial with your mates. It is only for such a short period. You are not 'letting it control your social life' FFS! Your priorities have quite understandably changed since you had your DD. It would be bonkers to expect everything to carry on exactly as it did before. If your friends don't have children (or even if they do) then it can be difficult to explain.

There are lots of ways to have an active social life if you have a baby. Dinners might be replaced with lunches in child-friendly restaurants. Instead of going to a nice coffee shop there are a lot of soft play places that have cafes (not all of them are shit). Some cinemas do parent and baby screenings if you want to see a film together.

Pressure can be difficult to cope with, but you are not doing anything wrong. A breastfeeding group might be able to offer you some support.

However long you and your DD want to continue breastfeeding there are always benefits. It never stops being amazing smile

Yummycheesecake Sat 20-Oct-12 20:46:46

Thank you all for all your kind words an advice. Dh is very supportive (although he did object to me feeding in a restaurant the other day, but I did it anyway) grin and will support me for however long I choose to bf for. I'm just so heartbroken that my friends choose to make plans when they know how difficult it will be for me to attend! I just feel like I don't fit in anymore. Most of my friends gave up breastfeeding as I don't think they quite understood how breastfeeding worked e.g when baby was going through a growth spurt they thought their milk had dried up. Everytime I tried to explain that it's their way of building supply, they ignore everything I said and put baby on formula.

I love bf'ing and I don't want to stop in the neat future. I'm happy with feeing her on demand still and really enjoy the closeness. I don't really care what people think I just don't appreciate being singled out because I can't go out every bloody night, which quite frankly I don't want to!!

discrete Sat 20-Oct-12 20:52:17

Whenever people have asked me how long I was going to feed either of my dc for I always looked at them with a blank expression and said 'Until either he or I decides we no longer want to do it' in a tone of voice like explaining the patently obvious to a very, very dim person.

Always shut them up.

SirBoobAlot Sat 20-Oct-12 21:07:32

Cheesecake, I am sorry your friends are being so shitty. Not only are they not supporting your choice to breastfeed, but they are showing a lack of support generally if they don't understand this fact along side your DDs CMP allergy sad

Are they close enough friends that you could explain to them that their reactions are upsetting you?

I got a few comments from friends and family when DS was about 10 months old, and I said to them simply, "You might not have made this decision for yourself, but I have tried explaining and you are not listening. As my friend, I would appreciate your understanding, even if I don't have your support." They all eased off.

I allowed DS to wean himself, and its been painless; he just one morning stopped asking for milk. Its been about ten days now, and I'm really pleased I could let him do that for himself.

SarryB Sat 20-Oct-12 21:16:57

I think you're ace! I'm only 6 months into BF (baby gets one bottle of formula a day to help my sanity!), but I really don't want to stop either. I feel like it took such a long time to get it established, why would I stop now?

It is amazing, the pressure on women. 'BREAST IS BEST' <but only for 6 months. After that you a weirdo.>

WongaDotMom Sat 20-Oct-12 21:25:07

Well done you for not giving in to this ridiculous pressure!

I have 3 DCs all breastfed, the first 2 I stopped by 9 months, YES because of the pressure (and my ignorance)

My 3rd DC was having none of it and I went on to bf him til 2 months ago, he will be 4 next January. I have been working full-time since he was 9 months old but on my days off and holidays he could bf up to 6 times a day.

There is plenty of time to go out and do all that stuff with your mates but if you stop bfing there is no going back and I regret stopping with the first 2 while they were so young and for no good reason sad

Solo Sat 20-Oct-12 21:47:30

I'm just so heartbroken that my friends choose to make plans when they know how difficult it will be for me to attend! I just feel like I don't fit in anymore.

Turn it round and think of it as 'they don't fit in with you anymore' ?
it's not going to be forever, but your Dc's health and wellbeing is forever. It's your 'friends' that have the problem, not you IMO.

Zoomania Sat 20-Oct-12 22:02:51

I would stick with what feels right for you and your baby. I always thought I would stop when my dd was 1 but as the time is approaching I know I want to carry on longer. I am already starting to get pressure from friends and family to stop.

Like you my dd was feeding up to 5 x per day and 3x per night and not eating much. She was demand feeding so I thought she would regulate feeds for what she needed. However at 8m I talked to the health visitor and she explained that she wasn't eating much as she was full of milk. She advised not offering bf in the day unless she really asked for it or offering straight after a meal. Within a week the amount she ate of solids doubled. I still feed her 6-7x in 24 hr but I am happier she is getting the iron etc she needs from food too.
I am only offering my experience on this because you sounded worried about the amount she was eating.

Enjoy every minute of the breast feeding and stick to your guns..after all each day you are only feeding a baby who is one day older than the day that somewhere but can't remember where.

Pootle78 Sat 20-Oct-12 22:19:49

Ds2 is 12 weeks and dh keeps telling him, enjoy it while you have the chance as you'll be on formula soon, I reply no he won't and then just ignore whatever comes out of his mouth next! I'm managing to express 4oz a day so also building up a stock, if I decide to stop, we still have milk to feed him!

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 20-Oct-12 23:17:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PatronSaintOfDucks Sat 20-Oct-12 23:25:10

Cheesecake, your friends are being a bit rude. Seriously, bf-ing over 1 is nothing unusual. I know tons of people who do it. My DS is 21 months, I am dreaming about giving up by the time he is 2, but lots of my friends with children of same age plan to bf until they self-wean. My DS shows no sign of self-weaning, btw, and latches on a million times a day, particularly when he is ill or teething or traveling. It's normal.

However, bf-ing a 1 year old does not mean you cannot go out. At this age, your DD will be able to survive without boob for a bit or perhaps even eat alternative food. So I would not be afraid to start experimenting with going out, perhaps gradually increasing the time you are away. Just have daddy with treats and cuddles ready.

midori1999 Sun 21-Oct-12 00:08:42

You are doing great and what is right for you and your DD and you just carry on doing that and be proud of yourself for putting your DD first and ignore their rude comments!

I am still feeding DD at (just) 16 months and no one says anything to me, I suspect as they are afraid of getting a long and boring lecture about the benefits of continuing... grin However, if you wanted a simple answer, just say 'guidelines suggest breastfeeding until 2 years old and then beyond as long as the mother and child want to carry on'.

As for not doing anything, I persevered with getting DD to take a bottle as although I didn't want to go out then, as soon as she wouldn't take a bottle I did feel a bit trapped. At a year old you could try with a sippy cup (free flow one) if you wanted to and this may give you a bit more freedom for days out etc.

Don't worry about the eating, your DD will eat more when she is ready. Also, don't worry about the frequency of feeds, it's completely normal. DD sometimes takes 3 feeds a day, sometimes a dozern and until recently she was waking a million times a night too.

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