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(6 Posts)
wkmmum Thu 18-Oct-12 19:43:05

I'm 34+6 and am no longer with the baby's father. I'm planning on EBF but I have a problem with the amount of contact the father wants.

I've just come back from a meeting where he's asked for daily contact for the first 2 weeks and then 3 evenings a week and 1 full weekend on alternate weekends. As I'm uncomfortable with being alone with him (long story) he's suggested that for the first 2 weeks he comes to mine and then takes the baby out for a little while. I'm not happy with this because a) I won't know how often the baby will need to feed and b) as the mum of a newborn I don't think I'm going to be happy for anyone to take the baby away from me for any length if time.

When it comes to the weekends he can't understand why I can't express so he can have the baby all weekend.

I guess what I'm looking for is info on...
How practical this would be.
What are the good/bad points of this.
How soon after birth should you leave it to establish breastfeeding before you start expressing.

I know there are a lot of unknowns such as whether I'll be able to express and whether baby will even take a bottle. And I'm really unhappy with the weekend thing and have said so. But I'm going to need to be able to back up what I'm saying as well xx

ElphabaTheGreen Thu 18-Oct-12 20:05:26

You're not going to have any idea how long it will take to establish until you're actually there. It took me 6-8 weeks to establish breast feeding, having had quite a few problems, and you really have to have baby with you 24/7 to do that. Even if you have no problems you'll need at least 4-6 weeks to build up your milk supply which you cannot do, appropriate to your baby, with a pump. You really shouldn't introduce a bottle for at least 4 to 6 weeks either as the baby can get nipple confusion (sucking on a bottle and sucking on a boob are two very different actions). Emotional attachment aside, I would not be able to express and leave my 5mo DS for a weekend as he relies on the boobs for sleep and comfort as much as for nutrition as well.

If you want/have to share custody with XP, it would have to be FF from the start, but if you want to EBF, baby has to stay with mum, no two ways about it. Obviously, you have the arguments of the health benefits of EBFing on your side, but kudos to him for wanting to be so involved.

What an awful situation for you!

Susieloo Thu 18-Oct-12 20:35:44

What a horrible situation for you wksad

This is only my opinion and only based on my own experiences over the last three months of ebf my first ds but I just don't think this can work.

My own experience has been that your body and the babies work as a partnership i.e when they are about to hit a growth spurt they can cluster feed like crazy and this is to increase your milk supply ready for the babies needs. You would end up expressing like mad possibly on weekends when you don't have the baby and it would be really difficult to know how much milk to send with the baby. There is also the comfort issue with bf and the fact that most babies, well so my friends with babies tell me, and definitely ds does, feed to sleep. Have a look on kellymom for info on cluster feeding, growth spurts and when you can introduce a bottle to give you some more info and a more expert opinion than mine!! Ds is three months old and is still refusing a bottle and the longest I can be away from him is 3 hours.

I'm so sorry you have been put in this position and may not be able to bf unless the situation can change but I honestly don't think this will work unless you ff.

Hth (in both senses)

Lizzy1975 Thu 18-Oct-12 20:48:48

As the other posters have said, it will be really difficult for you to predict whether you will be able to express an adequate supply. But more worryingly I would imagine you will find it very difficult to be away from your newborn for whole weekends at a time so early on. I understand if you can't be alone with the babys father - is there any possibility that someone can be with you when he visits, so that he doesn't need to take the baby away from you? And then perhaps once the baby is older and you have worked out whether or not you are able to express you could discuss again the question of weekends? Best of luck with this, hth

wkmmum Thu 18-Oct-12 20:59:01

Thank-you all. That's really helpful and tbh confirms what I was thinking. I'm not going to change my mind on EBF. Things are very difficult between us and I actually think that he's saying this more to be difficult than anything else.

Also, I had PND with my son and have AND this pregnancy and am worries about how I'll bond with this baby once it's here. I think I actually need to be with the baby as much as poss (and baby needs to be with me) and so being away from each other for any length of time would be detrimental xx

Asmywhimsytakesme Thu 18-Oct-12 21:02:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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