Do I...

[Pickles77]

13 day old, desperate for a full nights sleep! Do I wake her by changing and feeding her now or wait a hour? She normally wakes at 12, 3 and 5. Had a bath at 6, awake until 8 snuggling.

[BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts]

No! Leave her. She's doing her thing.

[Pickles77]

I'm a first time mum, can I ask why? I'm really rubbish at this

[BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts]

Because they change constantly...so the little routine that you know of from yesterday and last week, could now be shifting.

She knows when she needs to sleep...if she's still asleep at 10.30,, change and feed her then go to bed.

you have to kind of follow their lead whilst still trying to steer them in the right direction.

Ideally, you want her getting to where she has a feed before you go to bed...then lasts until 3am or so...then lasts again until wake up time.

of course it's never that simple!

[GEM33]

hey pickles, your baby is still too young to go through the night. Are you b/f or ff.
They have little tiny tummies and so have to feed regularly to keep topped up. iF you ARE FF, you'll prob get longer stretches by 3 months. However if you are bf, dont expect a full nights sleep for a while. they digest breast milk much quicker than ff (ff is harder to digest). Its very important your baby feeds regularly and on demand if bf to get your milk supply up to what your baby needs.
your babies times waking sound very reasonable for her age xxx
xxhope this helps.

[Pickles77]

Thank you, I felt a bit rubbish actually like I'm not providing enough to make her full but she's putting on weight. I don't mind one bit as we co sleep I just worry constantly.
I'm incredibly stressed and don't sleep much anyway I just wanted her to be comfortable and happy.

[JollyToddler]

Babies have tiny little tummies. They need to feed often. As they grow their tummies grow too and they can take longer between feeds.

Feeding every 2 hours or so is not unusual in the early days as they are trying to stimulate the milk supply. As long as she is putting on weight then please don't worry and just feed her when she wants fed.

[GEM33]

pickles, the way you feel is TOTALLY normal and for the first couple of months I am sure most mummies worry if they are making enough etc. bE ONE HUNDRED percent confident that if your baby is having plenty of wet nappies, and gaining weight nicely that you ARE making enough.
the first 6 weeks of bf are about getting your supply established for what your baby needs. As long as you let her feed WHENEVER she wants she'll be getting enough. DONT feel rubbish (i remember feeling like this so well though!!)

Also. some late afternoons/evenings she will probably suckle on you for so long and so often until you are left wondering that there cant possibly be any more milk left in you but this again is normal and called cluster feeding. They do this when they have growth spurts as well.

as someone else has said, dont judge tomorrow on what happened yesterday. They are growing and changing soo much in the first 6 months and not many days will be the same.

Chin up, you are doing a FANTASTIC job. the health benefits to you and your baby from bf'ing are incredible. be proud of yourself xx

[sleeplessinderbyshire]

what about getting yourself ready and into bed and doing a dreamfeed now and then take yourself off to sleep knowing she'll probably sleep for another 3hrs or so? (dreamfeeding is wherte you pick them up and wiggle the nipple near their mouth and they will usually just latch on and feed in their sleep and stay asleep!)

My first DD was a crap sleeper (hence my MN nickname!) and I always did this so I got couple of hours at the start of the night, sometime smore

[Pickles77]

She's awake, so feeding, changed and snuggling :) dream feeding sounds a good idea

[MigGril]

She's only 13 days old. There is no way any baby this young should be sleeping through the night. If they where they would probably be ill. Her patterns are going to change and shift constantly at this stage. so what happens one day won't the next.

Hope you both had a good nights rest.

[Pickles77]

She's been awake all night. 11pm til 2 I slept. She's been awake ever since. Refuses to be put down. Im at breaking point. I want to put her down and just leave her right now.
I feel awful. I cannot do this. I am shit at it, she hates me and I just feel like I'm going through the motions with her.
I wouldn't want anything to happen to her though.
It's bloody lonely

[TeaandHobnobs]

Pickles you poor thing, you are definitely in the toughest stage right now, especially when you are doing it all yourself.

It is SO SO hard at this stage - the exhaustion is indescribable and all I wanted to do was runaway, although I knew I never could. I spent much of the early weeks in tears.

But be determined, you WILL get through this bit, with nerves of absolute steel, and by 6 weeks things should feel a lot better.

Nap when you can during the day to make up for bad nights (and if you are still dashing around during the day, give yourself a break! You need to rest for you and for her).

Have a big hug. I hope tonight is better.

[JemimaPuddle]

You are not shit at this. You can do this.
Has she been feeding since 2 or just unsettled/ not sleeping?

It can feel lonely on the bad nights, especially in the early days. My youngest had to be held to sleep when she was that age, she started sleeping through at 4 months and still does so at 8 months.

Your baby is still tiny and just wants to be close to mum, where it feels safe & secure. Could you OH take her for a few hours so you can rest?

[Pickles77]

I don't have a OH
She's just not settled its my fault she slept all day as it was a busy day registering her birth. Today is a easier day, I just feel lazy doing nothing.
I just feel bloody rubbish at it. My parents hold her but I feel bad for asking. She is normally so good.
I never ever thought it would be so tough.

[thepeanutsparent]

Hi pickles, it's can be very hard and draining in the first few weeks. But it DOES settle down at about 6 weeks when your feeding is established a bit better.

She doesn't hate you- you are the centre of her universe right now and you are doing all you can to provide for her which is an amazing thing. Be proud of yourself.


However if you feel momentarily desperate, put her down somewhere
safe and have five minutes calm next door or something. She will be ok and that moments respite for you is crucial.
In an hour everything will look different- first weeks with a baby I found things changed hourly rather than weekly!
You are doing so well.
I found this piece of advice helped me when DS was feeding non stop the the night and day...'if you look on feeding and co forting as your actual job forthe first few weeks and don't expect to have a break it somehow seems easier as you don't resent it so much'

Really hope that helps. Take care of yourself and your beautiful baby.

[thepeanutsparent]

comforting

[zinaida]

You poor thing! But don't be afraid to ask for help, there's'no shame in it honestly. Take advantage of your local Sure Start if you have one, and see what help you can get from your HV. You're doing a fantastic job: repeat that to yourself. Try to make sure you are getting enough food and drink yourself too. Are you in the South East by any chance?

[Mobly]

Sleep deprivation is a killer so seriously when she's asleep during the day rest or sleep. It'll make all the difference to your ability to cope.

Also try & resign yourself to the fact that the early days are hard work & it's just a case of getting through it sometimes.

You are doing amazing with the breastfeeding. You've been through alot (I noticed some of your other threads) so just be kind to yourself.

[TheSurgeonsMate]

As I remember it, I assumed at the beginning that the REST OF MY LIFE was now going to be this tough. It was dismaying! Obviously, if you look around you at people with children it's not true, but that feeling seems to be a common emotional reaction to the shock of the first few days.

You aren't doing nothing - you're putting a lot into establishing breastfeeding. You aren't meant to be doing anything much else in particular at the moment. If she's often settled that's good! And when she's not, you're developing your skillz. They'll stand you in good stead.

[DoubleYew]

You are not shit at this, you are learning how to do a really difficult job. You can only learn how to feed your child and how to comfort your child by getting to know her. Its not something you just know.

She does not hate you. She was inside you and now she has to breathe and move and make sounds and digest food and work out how the world works. You are the only thing that is comforting and familiar to her. Sometimes they keep suckling as a way to keep you close because you are the best thing in the world.

Yes it would be better for you if she had a feed quickly and turned over and went to sleep for hours (this is what my toddler does - very sweet) but that is not how it works in the early days. It will not be like this forever, they change quickly and lots of people find this the hardest part.

[Loislane78]

Hey pickles my LO was 6 wks yesterday so know how you feel :). Sounds like you're doing great to me! Sleep deprivation = you've been giving your baby the best start in my book; feeding, changing and snuggling on demand :).

As well as napping during the day, my other advice - SNACKS - and lots of them! I have a constant stash of food to hand, some healthy like fruit and some treats :) I ate my way through the first 6 wks and still lost weight (not that I care) just found keeping blood sugar up really helped.

Don't forget ur hormones are all over the show ATM as well making you weepy.

Keep it up; ur doing a grand job :)

[nametakenagain]

My dd is 3 and I still remember well the early days because its just so hard. Persevering with bf is worth it for the long run (i thought she'd never stop) because it is such a comfort but I wish I had given her the odd bottle to get her used to it so that I could have that occasional bit of sleep in the really hard times. You could consider it.

I recorded every sleep and feed for 4 months because i coukd detect absolutely no pattern but a pattern develops , and like another poster says, it is simplest to go with the flow as much asu can, at least in the early days where u are now.

Sleep as much as u can so that can cope when she doesnt.

Sleeping and drinking (water!) and being kind to yourself are needed so that you have strength to continue to be a good mum.

No point trying to steer her timings yet. And its important to know that wellrested babies feed better and then sleep better. So dont starve themof sleep in the hope they have a lie-in!

[BettyStogs]

You're not doing nothing, you're still growing a baby! The first few weeks are so hard and it feels like it will be like that forever,but it does get easier. People kept telling me that in the early days and I didn't believe them but its true!

I read some of your earlier threads and I think you are doing really well.

I gather your parents are around and helping out, can they maybe take her for a walk in the buggy for an hour or so to give you time to rest?

[showtunesgirl]

OP, banish the world "normally", it will only make you feel depressed. Just hang on in there, it really does get easier. And this is from someone who really thought she'd made a huge, huge mistake in the first few weeks.

[LadyWidmerpool]

It's so so so hard but it will get better. This is about survival just now. Be as 'lazy' as you can. Your baby loves and needs you desperately and it sounds like you are doing really well. Your baby will smiling at you in a few weeks and it will feel wonderful. Congratulations and good luck.