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SIL left her 5 wk old baby for 12 hrs without milk :S

(224 Posts)
worriedwhocanadvise Sun 23-Sep-12 12:59:45

I have name changed for this.

Just after some advice really.

Quick background, SIL had first baby 5 weeks ago. She has (undiagnosed) SN and personally I was worried before she even had the baby as to how she was going to cope with one. MIL and FIL had to clear up their house 3 wks before baby was due because they were worried that SS would take the baby off their daughter. She is married to a total loser (another long long story), both SIL and BIL are on benefits (just saying so as to not dripfeed) but 'can't remember' what has happened to the £500 they got from the govt to help set them up. PIL's have so far provided all of the things for the baby (nursery, pram etc etc)

Anyway. Was on phone to MIL last night. She was really upset. Said that SIL wasn't supporting the baby's head correctly when she was holding him, and that she'd noticed he was looking very skinny/weak. She asked her daughter, how is he feeding, and SIL replied, he's not hungry so I don't give him any milk. Transpires he's had ONE feed in the last 12 hours.

From what we can gather, HV has commented that he's not gaining weight the way that he should be.

I don't have any children yet (due in 8 weeks), and I'm planning on BF'ing anyways. But my question is, how much FF milk should a baby be given during a 24 hr period? I'm really looking for some advice to give to MIL so that MIL is giving correct information to her daughter. MIL is concerned that SS are going to get involved and take her grandson away. Obviously, there are big issues going on here, but I'd just like some advice on how much milk a new baby should be getting.

SparklyGothKat Sun 23-Sep-12 13:01:27

At least 6 bottles of 4-5oz.

ClaimedByMe Sun 23-Sep-12 13:02:33

I can't remember how much milk, probably something like 5oz bottles every 3-4 hours, the tins of formula have a guide on them.

Poor poor baby I hope sil and baby gets all the help and support they need.

eandh Sun 23-Sep-12 13:02:43

Think from memory mine used to feed every 3-4 hours and had about 4-5oz per feed

WidowWadman Sun 23-Sep-12 13:03:36

The grandmother should be concerned that the grandson might suffer serious consequences if noone is intervening. I'd be on the phone to the health visitor stat.

7to25 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:05:48

please get medical help ASAP for this baby if he is lethargic and not feeding. This is an emergency.

milkymocha Sun 23-Sep-12 13:06:23

Hi worried,

A baby that small should be having about 6 feeds a day (4 ounzes a time) so the answer to your question is 3 in 12 hours.
Of course sll babies are different but this is the guidelines given by formula makes and midwives. This seems about right to be too (have 2DC!)

I would be worried about dehydration primarily, has she been given him cool boiled water? It is necessary for formula fed babies.

I hope you/your MIL/family can try to help your SIL with the support she needs. Newborns are hard work on every mum, let alone adding SNs to the mix.

Good luck!

7to25 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:07:31

sorry, the baby will be suffering from low blood sugar, effectively having a hypo. that is why he is lethargic. he needs to be admitted to hospital. PLEASE act NOW. Sorry to shout.

milkymocha Sun 23-Sep-12 13:07:39

Sorry about typos blush sleepless night, you'll understand soon enough lol!

BikeRunSki Sun 23-Sep-12 13:08:16

Again, about 4-5 oz, every 3-4 hours. But sounds like there are much bigger issues here. Can you/the grandmother get in touch with SIL's HV and express your concerns. I am not sure if this is the done thing, but it sounds like your SIL needs some support and education.

7to25 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:09:00

Do NOT NOT NOT give cooled boiled water in this case as it will disrupt his blood electrolytes and cause more drowsiness.
Medical help now.

TherapeuticVino Sun 23-Sep-12 13:09:16

This is really serious. Babies deteriorate very very quickly - please call the HV.

7to25 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:11:41

Emergency GP or Casualty. Not HV

puds11 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:11:45

I was told to wake my baby every 2-4 hours to feed. If the baby doesn't get fed, then they have no energy, so they sleep for much longer. It is not a good thing if a young baby sleeps for long periods of time. I would suggest an intervention.

What does her HV think?

CiderwithBuda Sun 23-Sep-12 13:12:46

Christ. Poor baby. If SIL can't provide basic care for the baby then it might be best if either MIL gets more involved or SS get involved.

worriedwhocanadvise Sun 23-Sep-12 13:13:55

Thank you everyone for the quick replies. It is a really tricky situation. I don't have any kind of relation with my SIL (my DH has barely seen her since she got married due to issue with the husband), and we still haven't seen the baby yet sad mainly because of this issue, but also the fact that we live 4 hours away and haven't got the cash at the minute for the petrol to get down there.

My DH said to his mother last night he thought he was serious and that MIL should intervene asap....but then MIL got all defensive and said, No, daughter loves him, he's just a little skinny, I'm just annoyed, it's probably a one off etc etc. Obviously, she is upset (she told us she was!) but when we agreed and were all omg, she's then gone on the backfoot and tried to make out it's not that big a deal.

Right. I will advise re. number of feeds (I'm just going to insist on telling MIL and insist that she puts her foot down with her daughter!) and about the cool boiled water too (didn't know about that, so thank you) Will also insist asap that if her opinion is he's ill to get him medical help now, regardless.

Does anyone know? Would SS intervene based on HV comments?

SparklyGothKat Sun 23-Sep-12 13:14:02

I would get mil to take the baby to a&e. he won't wake for feeds if he doesn't have the energy.

7to25 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:15:11

I have to go out now
please get this vulnerable baby medical help. deal with the other issues after that.
Do not give water

charlottehere Sun 23-Sep-12 13:15:13

Either you or MIL step in now and make sure this baby is getting what it needs or call SS urgently. This is a life or death sitution and can't wait. sad How sad.

SparklyGothKat Sun 23-Sep-12 13:15:24

Yes hv can get ss involved.

puds11 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:15:44

Please stress to your MIL the severity of this.

7to25 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:16:53

PLEASE do not give cooled boiled water.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 23-Sep-12 13:17:00

I know she is family, but seriously, get social services involved. She obviously needs more support than what she is getting and removing the baby would be an absolute last resort.

charlottehere Sun 23-Sep-12 13:17:08

Crossed posts. i would call SS, you can't directly help and MIL sounds in denial.

RightUpMyRue Sun 23-Sep-12 13:18:06

The HV will only work Mon-Fri 9-5.

The baby needs to go to A+E now. Seriously, no fucking about, 1 feed in 12 hours is not OK for a 5 weeks old.

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